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Original poster

Will people hate our wedding, and do I really care?

166 replies

QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:04

Getting married in a year, so many stupid family politics that have actually stopped us eloping and doing it in secret (not worth the fallout from mil) that we've now decided to do the below, I just don't know people will really hate it ....I also can't work out if I'm passed caring or if I still want more myself too.

1:30pm register office - myself, dp, ds and 2 independent witnesses (not family, 1 friend each)
2pm - we take the witnesses and their partners for a nice meal and wine somewhere
5:30pm - party for 150 guests with bbq and arrival drink, 2 bottles of wine on each table. Party to 11:30pm.

Will it still feel special enough to us but relaxed enough to not have the stresses do you think?
Opinions welcome, also ideas on my dress as I cant think of anything casual enough for a small restaurant meal but bridal enough to welcome guests at the party.

There will be a photographer at the evening to capture some memories.

OP posts:
Peachyking000 · 14/04/2018 18:09

Sounds perfect, a lovely evening BBQ would be ideal if I were a guest.

If your MIL is the type to create a fuss about you eloping, I reckon she will complain about your plans though, as she won’t be at the ceremony. If this is the case, then I’d just elope, if that is what you both prefer in the first place.

user1493413286 · 14/04/2018 18:11

I think that sounds lovely; having recently got married I very much feel that a lot of the extra costs and stresses were not really worth it and on the day I couldn’t have cared less about a lot of it.
To my surprise (after all the planning of the reception) the ceremony was the most special part to me just because I married my husband rather than there being anything particularly “special” added in.
Have you been to a bridal shop? The ones I went to had such a range from traditional to shorter more casual ones.

Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:11

peachy she's already complained about this but we've told her it's this way or no celebration at all - so she's quietly seething but smiling along, at least by the time I see her I'll have consumed some wine Smile

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/04/2018 18:13

Sounds perfect!!

What about a 40's 50's style below the knee dress?

EggysMom · 14/04/2018 18:13

I wouldn't tell MIL that the evening party follows a wedding, I'd announce at the party that you got married earlier that day Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 14/04/2018 18:13

I think that sounds great

BananaBat · 14/04/2018 18:16

I’ve been to exactly this kind of celebration for a friend and also myself had to have a separate party to actual ceremony-and-meal (which had to be in a different country...!). Both were fab. You’ll be fine! I did fund as much wine as possibile though and that always helps an bundle in the uk Grin

Carboholic · 14/04/2018 18:20

Sounds great. Will there be a bar for people to buy more drinks?

Keep in mind that you could bend yourself backwards, organise the perfect wedding in MIL's eyes, and someone would still have a problem woth it. That's what weddings do to people.

Yours sounds great and I'd enjoy it very much.

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 18:20

I'd start the party later - 6 hours of bbq and party is s looong time!

Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:23

Sorry should have said - party is at a local venue, bar etc available - all guests live within a 20 minute drive/taxi ride of venue (chosen because it's beautiful and perfect location, but charge a 2nd mortgage for a full day wedding there)

OP posts:
Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:24

Bar prices are £12 a bottle of wine. £3.80 pint lager. We will put soemthing behind the bar but unsure of our budget as yet - all depends on some other factors.

OP posts:
qazxc · 14/04/2018 18:27

It sounds perfect to me. Dress wise maybe a tea length.

SwedishEdith · 14/04/2018 18:28

Agree on starting party later - you'll be knackered. But, otherwise, sounds ideal.

NWQM · 14/04/2018 18:30

Does your husband to be not get on with his Mum? I am mostly in the camp of 'its your day so do it however you want' but really can't imagine not having my parents at the ceremony. I'd be very hurt if my children don't want me at their wedding. Obviously we have no idea here why but to pick friends over very close family is a very, very big statement. It's pointless to think that the MiL wont be upset. So the question is are you okay with upsetting her?

babydreamer1 · 14/04/2018 18:30

Wedding format sounds fine, perhaps some extra booze on the tables as well as a few buckets of beer, 2 bottles won't go far and weddings are expensive for guests, travel, accommodation, gifts ect.

For the dress, a 1920's flapper style would be suitable for all parts of the day, it can be beaded to glam up and you could have a champagne colour if you don't fancy white.

corcaithecat · 14/04/2018 18:32

We got married in registry office, no fuss. Held a party at home the next day for family and friends.
I think having the 'wedding' and the party on different days helped.

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 18:33

Bigger gap between meal and party means you could get changed, redo make up etc if you wanted to and sit down have a cuppa Wink

Octave777 · 14/04/2018 18:33

Sounds good. I'd want just parents and siblings at ceremony and lunch but obviously not want you want. Don't know the politics.

I think reception sounds lovely. Could put fairy lights in trees and have first dance outside with speakers in trees.

Dress I'd go for a maxi style dress as in thin straps and casual fitting but not too loose! Its hard to explain. Or you could always buy two dresses.

MummaGiles · 14/04/2018 18:34

Sounds great if that’s what you want to do. We went to a wedding like that and it was a great day - only the couple and immediate family at the registry office, everyone else went to the party afterwards.

tortelliniforever · 14/04/2018 18:35

Why don't you want your family at the wedding?

Slievenamon · 14/04/2018 18:36

I'm not sure why the question is "will people hate our wedding" since only 2 people will be at your wedding? Everyone else is going to a party after your wedding.

JennyHolzersGhost · 14/04/2018 18:36

Is there a particular reason why you don’t want family at the ceremony?

Olive1988 · 14/04/2018 18:38

We went to gretna Green and just invited immediate family and 4 best friends. We then had a party a week later for everyone. I took quite a bit of abuse from people who couldn't understand and I don't handle people thinking badly of me very well. It was completely what we wanted to do and the wedding should only be about you two so if it's what you want I say go for it but you may have some conflict sorry to say xxx

Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:40

NWQM it's less about their relationship and more that I will have no family attending, and tbh neither of us even really want the party, its for family benefit. We want to bugger off somewhere alone, find strangers as witnesses and have a private celebration but apparently she will never speak to us again, this is the compromise. To us it's not about excluding anyone, or choosing friends over family - it's about the fact we want to get married without a wedding.

OP posts:
viques · 14/04/2018 18:43

another one saying sounds lovely. is the reason for the early evening because there will be a lot of children? I would go for a 7.30 start, BBQ from 8.00. People can give kids an earlier tea, a late night won't harm, make sure there is a warm place for people with babies in buggies to be that still feels part of the fun but is not too near the music.

Try and do a better deal with the venue over drinks. Point out they are going to make a good amount with that many thirsty guests so can afford to be a bit more generous.