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Original poster

BOMBSHELL JUST DROPPED, HELP ME DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH!

63 replies

reeniemartini · 26/11/2011 16:05

Hi all,

I'm not sure this is the right site for this but you all have more experience than I at these things. I have been compelled to write my first post after some news I had yesterday and would really appreciate some advice from people that are totally disconnected from our situation. Maybe you will help me to see things more clearly!

Please bear with me I've been up until 5am this morning with all these questions going around in my mind.

I am getting married in August 200 miles away from where I live. My sister and I are very close and she kind of has links to the local wedding industry and due to the fact that she brilliantly arranged her own wedding from scratch 3 years ago was going to play a major role in helping me with mine. She's was basically keeping an eye on all things local that I couldn't get to. Bless! She was even making our cake!
For the past year her husband and her have been trying for a baby, after no success they were starting the hospital tests route and were going to stop trying for a few months so it wouldn't clash with out wedding.
Phone call yesterday, too late.........She's pregnant! Fabulous news of course, I'm over joyed. Problem? It's due 1/2 weeks before our wedding.
She was so upset, I was telling her not to worry. She was saying it won't change anything saying "I will still be there as much as I would if I wasn't preggers."
Firstly I know that's true - she will try not to let it get in the way of anything but I can't see how it's possible - and do I really want here stressing herself like that?
Secondly - 1/2 weeks, that's pretty close - what's the bets that it happens on the day? How would I feel worrying for the next 9 months that that may happen? How would my parents feel torn between the birth of there first grandchild and their other daughters wedding day?
She's either going to be so heavily pregnant that she's not going to want want to move in the summer heat, or only just delivered her first child with all the scariness that involves.
Basically I'm thinking should we just take all of this out of the equation and move the date of the wedding. If I have it end of September, I won't have to think about any of that and she won't have to worry and can enjoy being pregnant.
I'm not an expert on these things, how do you feel a week or two before or after giving birth?
If we can rearrange without incurring any extra costs should we?
How did you all feel two weeks prior / after giving birth?

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 26/11/2011 16:38

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Raahh · 26/11/2011 16:39

You are probably the least unreasonable poster I have come across on MNGrin

have some Thanks

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend · 26/11/2011 16:44

I wouldn't move it. It is a lovely offer but when would you move to earlier, when she's still pregnant. Later when she's knackered and has a very small baby as well? I don't see an easy solution.

stickwithit · 26/11/2011 16:47

I totally agree with posters who have suggested moving the wedding forwards rather than delaying it. I would have enjoyed a wedding far far more when heavily pregnant than while trying to care for a newborn. Everyone is different, but for me life went to pot somewhat for the first few weeks of DS' life. Somehow my hormones created a little baby bubble which I could not see out of.

I hope this does not sound patronising but your sister might think helping out at your wedding with your bouquet in one hand and a gorgeous newborn in the other will be a doddle. Before DS was born I would have thought that too. However I think in the long run she will thank you for it.

I guess you will need to make sure that you have a back up person for anything that your sister is scheduled to do prior to and during the wedding- just in case.

August will be a very very exciting month for your whole family!

SarahStratton · 26/11/2011 16:52

Ahhh, you are such a lovely sister. Thanks

I agree with everyone else, but from personal experience I'd go for moving the wedding forward as much as you can. Both of mine were early, one 6 weeks and one a month.

Neither of you will worry then, and she should be feeling good enough to be at your wedding.

fortyplus · 26/11/2011 16:53

I would move it - but maybe even a little later. Some consultants allow you to go 3 weeks past your due date before inducing. Then supposing - like about 1 in 6 births - it's a Caesarian?

It sounds as though you and your sister have a wonderful, close relationship so you'd always regret it if she wasn't able to be there.
And by the way - I had a very straightforward birth but then ds1 lost a lot of weight and was admitted to hospital at 10 days old. AND new babies are often all spotty and horrid for a few weeks! Have the wedding in October which is statistically a much drier month than August and your sis will be there with a lovely rosy-cheeked baby! Smile

mumdad2kidsandadog · 26/11/2011 16:55

If you could move the wedding to when she is about 6/7 months pregnant that would probably be better for her. You are a good sister and will be a fabulous Auntie.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 26/11/2011 16:56

I agree with moving your wedding forward a bit if you can. I went to a wedding at 36 weeks pregnant and had a lovely time. But the 3 months after giving birth are really hard to plan around and also pretty tiring physically. Also a lot of babies cry a lot at that stage and your Dsis may not be able to enjoy your day if she has one that cries a lot.

Having said that if you can't move the date I wouldn't worry too much. Chances are she won't have the baby before your wedding and she'll be able to come along. She probably will feel tired but it probably won't be too bad. If she has the baby on your wedding date then obviously she'll miss the wedding but your mum and dad will still come and celebrate your wedding and then visit their new grandchild a day or two later (as they probably would anyway). If she has the baby before your wedding I imagine she will do her best to come along for a short while but how long she might manage would depend on how the birth went, how feeding is going etc.

Good luck to you all.

TheRepublicOfDreams · 26/11/2011 16:56

Or you could organise it yourself? Either move the venue or organise q few weekends to go up, organisina a few appointments each day. I think it is unfair to getvyour sister to do it when pregnant or with a small baby.

TheRepublicOfDreams · 26/11/2011 16:58

Sorry. Realise that sounded narky. Ignore me.

Dozer · 26/11/2011 16:59

Aaah, that's lovely news. Yes, rearrange if no costs involved. Lots of first babies are late, so arrival could clash, and birth / first weeks with a newborn can be stressful.

QuintessentialMercury · 26/11/2011 17:00

Congratulations on both accounts. You seem really nice and considerate.

I think the best thing for your sister, is to move the wedding forward, to avoid the stressed of late pregnancy or having a new born, neither event go well with weddings, especially if she is going to be helping so much!

August is quite a while away, why not have a lovely May or June wedding?

herbietea · 26/11/2011 17:01

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hermionestranger · 26/11/2011 17:03

How very nice of you to offer to move it! Why not have it in winter instead, wish I had for married then. All cold and crisp and romantic on my mind.

daveywarbeck · 26/11/2011 17:04

I would also recommend you move the wedding back a month if you can. You are marvellous for being prepared to do so.

2 weeks before giving birth is much worse than 2 weeks after, but 2 weeks after you have a 2 week old baby. They are unpredictable. Some, like my DS, scream whenever they are awake. Others like my DD, you barely notice are there.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2011 17:09

Definitely rearrange if you can (and you do sound lovely). i'm 34 weeks and have felt shit for about a month, there is no way on earth I could go to a wedding now, I have trouble going to the postbox. No stage of newborn-ness is worse than how I feel at the moment. At least you can put them down when they're born.

olliesmom · 26/11/2011 17:12

My sister had her baby on the morning of my wedding and made it to see me just leaving the church and sat down to the meal with us, lives locally though so different circumstances to you, i never forget my nephews bday!

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 17:16

Pregnancy 1 (twin) - wedding (in heels) 5 days before babies, wedding 3 weeks, 5 weeks and 6 weeks after with v prem baby and after c-section and stillbirth.

Pregnancy 2 - wedding 9 days after c-section, and CAMPED!

That's just me though. Moving the wedding would be amazing of you, if you can do that, but it really will be fine of you don't.

TheSecondComing · 26/11/2011 17:17

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/11/2011 17:18

Move it.

My SIL announced her pg with a due date a week before our wedding. I offered to move the dat and she said it would be fine. She missed the wedding which was sad. She had a 10day old baby and didn't feel able to come.

carabos · 26/11/2011 17:19

Slightly off the point, but it seems awfully soon to announce a pregnancy which isn't due until next July.

SixFeetUnder · 26/11/2011 17:29

I went to a wedding a week before my due date with DS2 and was fine although we booked a room in the hotel so I went to bed 11pmish and left everyone else to party the night away, only thing was I was the size of a bus, no glowing/blooming for me. Also did the wedding party make up in the morning.

It is easier beforehand, after DS1 I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and couldn't even sit down (without plenty of cushions) for a week! If you can move it and if not then you know you've tried and just hope for the best and be excited about two very special events!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2011 17:29

Why? In case she has the horrible misfortune (and I pray that she doesn't) to miscarry? Because we all know they're a shameful secret, right, and no one should ever announce a pregnancy that they aren't 100% sure will go full term.

TalkinPeace2 · 26/11/2011 17:32

I went to another wedding when DS (baby 2) was a week old. It was fine.
After baby 1 I would NEVER have managed it.

PicaK · 26/11/2011 17:34

You're lovely.

Move the wedding if you can and won't resent it. Bring it forward though.