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Original poster

BOMBSHELL JUST DROPPED, HELP ME DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH!

63 replies

reeniemartini · 26/11/2011 16:05

Hi all,

I'm not sure this is the right site for this but you all have more experience than I at these things. I have been compelled to write my first post after some news I had yesterday and would really appreciate some advice from people that are totally disconnected from our situation. Maybe you will help me to see things more clearly!

Please bear with me I've been up until 5am this morning with all these questions going around in my mind.

I am getting married in August 200 miles away from where I live. My sister and I are very close and she kind of has links to the local wedding industry and due to the fact that she brilliantly arranged her own wedding from scratch 3 years ago was going to play a major role in helping me with mine. She's was basically keeping an eye on all things local that I couldn't get to. Bless! She was even making our cake!
For the past year her husband and her have been trying for a baby, after no success they were starting the hospital tests route and were going to stop trying for a few months so it wouldn't clash with out wedding.
Phone call yesterday, too late.........She's pregnant! Fabulous news of course, I'm over joyed. Problem? It's due 1/2 weeks before our wedding.
She was so upset, I was telling her not to worry. She was saying it won't change anything saying "I will still be there as much as I would if I wasn't preggers."
Firstly I know that's true - she will try not to let it get in the way of anything but I can't see how it's possible - and do I really want here stressing herself like that?
Secondly - 1/2 weeks, that's pretty close - what's the bets that it happens on the day? How would I feel worrying for the next 9 months that that may happen? How would my parents feel torn between the birth of there first grandchild and their other daughters wedding day?
She's either going to be so heavily pregnant that she's not going to want want to move in the summer heat, or only just delivered her first child with all the scariness that involves.
Basically I'm thinking should we just take all of this out of the equation and move the date of the wedding. If I have it end of September, I won't have to think about any of that and she won't have to worry and can enjoy being pregnant.
I'm not an expert on these things, how do you feel a week or two before or after giving birth?
If we can rearrange without incurring any extra costs should we?
How did you all feel two weeks prior / after giving birth?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 26/11/2011 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPotter · 26/11/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

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MrsMuddyPuddles · 26/11/2011 16:09

Congratulations to your sister! Totally move the wedding if you can, it would be a very very sweet thing for you to do.

teacoupons · 26/11/2011 16:09

I felt tired and achey teo weeks before but two weeks after a vaginal delivery I felt fine but a little tired.

Honestly, two weeks after may be a worse idea. Will she be breastfeeding? Will she have a complicated birth? PND? Too tired?

Can you arrange it the two weeks previous to your set date? Give her 3/4 weeks before the birth?

madhairday · 26/11/2011 16:10

Oh you sound like such a lovely sister, that would be such a kind thing to do, yes it is a very mad and hard time. Would she be happy with you moving it all?

cleanandclothed · 26/11/2011 16:11

Does your sister live close to your wedding venue then? So her hospital will be quite close? I wouldn't move the wedding - hopefully she won't have had the baby on the day and I think it would be much easier heavily pregnant than with a 2 month old. You sound really close and as long as you both want what is best for each other it will be fine.

ConOfScience · 26/11/2011 16:12

I attended a wedding 1 week before I gave birth, I even wore heels and had a bit of a dance Grin

FetchezLaVache · 26/11/2011 16:13

If you can move the wedding, move it. One of the guests at our wedding was a 4 day-old exclusively breastfed baby, and his mum looked gorgeous and could walk and everything, but I wouldn't have been going anywhere when DS was 4 days old. Heavily pregnant, yes at a push, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

thisisyesterday · 26/11/2011 16:15

i think it's a really, really, really lovely thing of you to even consider moving the date and I think if you could do that without incurring any/too much cost then it would be a very good solution.

how you cope with pregnancy really depends on the person though.
I drove for 2 hours on my due date to have a meet up with some old friends and their kids, then 2 hours back.
with my second child I worked very close to my due date and was up and about again within a couple of days.

likewise, I was lucky that I had 3 fairly straightforward births and was back on my feet really quickly. So, a wedding with a day old/week old/2 week old baby wouldn't have phased me AT ALL.

but you can't guarantee anything. she could end up having the baby prematurely. She could have it late. She might end up with a c-section, or PND.

I think that with the best will in the world you just can't even begin to second-guess how she may feel either just before, or just after giving birth.

so i would opt for making it as far from the birth as you can, either before or after and just hoping for the best!

jesuswhatnext · 26/11/2011 16:15

calm down dear, its only a baby!

seriously, calm down!, your sister will be fine, let her help as much as she feels able to (without causing her too much stress) enjoy the build up to two lovely happy events in the family - if she is heavily pregnant on the day im sure she will just waddle around enjoying all the compliments about how 'blooming' she looks, if the baby is a few days old she can still waddle around (only slebs lose the pregnant look within 4 hours!) and enjoy the compliments about her beautiful baby! Grin your mum and dad have no need to feel torn, not unless they expect to be in the delivery room, so even if she starts labour during the wedding they can stay and enjoy the do and then see the baby once its born - see? easy peasy! Grin

Sassybeast · 26/11/2011 16:15

OMG - you are the most amazing sister in the world Grin Seriously -I was half expecting you to be doing a bridezilla post about her being unreasonable. I think if you CAN change the date without too much hassle then it would be a lovely gesture.

ps - can you have a word with my sister about being erm NICE Wink

nevergoogle · 26/11/2011 16:16

well, i was a waddling acne ridden monster 2 weeks prior to birth, and two weeks after, i was still in hospital with septicaemia and dealing with a sick baby who wasn't feeding.

am i helping? Grin

of course the chances are that it will all work out fine, but well done you for being flexible. would it be a nightmare to postpone the wedding or bring it forward? if you can bring it forward, then she can enjoy the wedding as pregnant sister as afterwards she may be a bit distracted with the baby. She may prefer to attend the wedding with the baby, but then there's the breastfeeding infront of great uncle barry.

Congrats all round by the way.

apprenticemum · 26/11/2011 16:17

Tough call - I would go for a month before due date. Two weeks before or after and the little tinker is sure to throw a spanner in the works. Sods law and all that! Your sister should be in good shape and still able to enjoy the preparations.

Grumpla · 26/11/2011 16:20

Ah bless you OP what a nice sister you sound! I'd move the wedding to either a month before or the month after, if you can.

I went to a wedding at 8.5 months pg and it was pretty grim, and that involved a journey of only twenty minutes! If you're expecting her to travel any distance to the wedding that could be really hard either heavily pg or just having given birth.

When's her dating scan? Is there any chance she could be more/ less pg than she thinks? I was about six weeks out with my first (heavy implantation bleeds which I thought was a period!) so if you can possibly hang on til her scan you might not have to move it anyway!

ExquisiteCake · 26/11/2011 16:22

I'm due next week with my second and I'm irritable and tired and fed up...

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 26/11/2011 16:22

Are you able to move your wedding forward a few weeks or is everything booked? If you can and do move it for her, you are lovely :)

FWIW I'm going to be my sisters bridesmaid 12 days before DS2 is due this spring. If I happen to be in labour, theres nothing we can do about it, but the odds are very small that I'll go into labour precisely then (hers is already all booked). By huge lucky coincidence, her reception venue is on the same street as the hospital... Grin

With DS though (and this time possibly) I would have rathered go to a wedding heavily pregnant than with a newborn. Two weeks before, I was still up and about. I then barely left the house after for three months!

agedknees · 26/11/2011 16:22

Both you and your sister sound like lovely, compassionate people. Nothing else to add. Wish there where more people like you in the world.

Having said that, I went to a Summer Ball when I was 41 weeks pregnant. Danced till 4am (had to be dragged off the dance floor when they started playing The Twist).

paperscissorsstonelizzardspock · 26/11/2011 16:24

i have attended a wedding with a 4 month old and another 3 days prior to due date, and although i know you can never predict these things, i would rather go when heavily pregnant as you still only have to think about yourself!! babies tend to take alot of the relaxation and admiring the happy couple out of a wedding Grin

TalkinPeace2 · 26/11/2011 16:24

agree with moving it forward - pregnant is easier than with a baby
BUT
before you do anything, have a chat with your Mum and if you have them any maternal Aunts.

How your sister's (and later your) pregnancy will progress, and delivery date / due date will be very similar to how your mothers went
SO if your mum was sick as a dog and gave birth early, you have some serious planning to do
if she was late and fit as a fiddle then stick with your current plans
and all variants in between.

1Catherine1 · 26/11/2011 16:25

I think if you can change it without inccurring and substantial costs that would be best. Only as if LO comes a few days before the wedding your DSis would probably find it very difficult to drag herself to the wedding.

Bossybritches22 · 26/11/2011 16:25

If you can put the date back then do so the whole family can enjoy both happy events in their own right-congrats to all of you!!

TalkinPeace2 · 26/11/2011 16:26

PS
11 days overdue with baby 2 I was designated driver to a wedding a couple of hours away and DH made merry and slept on the way home
DS did not appear for another three days

harassedandherbug · 26/11/2011 16:27

You both sound lovely, and congratulations!

I'm 36wks preg, and its not been easy. I'm huge, morning sickness has never really gone away, baby is partially engaged so I have pressure in my bits and still get horrendous heartburn. I couldn't feel more over blooming if I tried, plus I can't imagine having to look gorgeous ...

Gincognito · 26/11/2011 16:28

Move it if you can. Lots of people go 1/2 weeks over. Moving a couple of weeks either way won't really help though tbh.

In my case it would have needed to be either a month before I was due, or four Shock months afterwards.

Meglet · 26/11/2011 16:31

Moving the date would be a lovely (and sensible) idea.

I managed a wedding 4 weeks after a planned cs, but it was a mile up the road and we only stayed for a couple of hours. Even that wiped me out.

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