Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I agree with your partner and friends.

If anyone is rude enough to broach it, just say "that's a shame, we will have to catch up another time".

I went to a vegan wedding about 5 years ago. It was brilliant. The guests were a mix of vegetarians, vegans and meat eaters and the latter were the ones who raised the complaints.
The couple didn't change the menu and the 'reluctant' meal participants had to actually admit that the food was delicious.

It's just one meal and it is a meal that anyone - vegan, vegetarian as well as pescatarians and omnivores (for want of a better description) can all eat.

Your day, your choice of food! I can't understand some people, it's one meal. They might even enjoy it. Go with what you both want, it's sad that people wouldn't attend purely based on food.
I hope you have a fabulous day!

Are you paying? If so, they need to just be thankful.

If not, I don't think I would want to shell out £££ on a vegan meal but would probably just keep my mouth shut if it was for a wedding.

I also agree with your partner and friends. It is not going to hurt anyone to go without meat for one meal. If they choose not to come that is up to them. Surely the point of the wedding is to see you married and celebrate that with you. Even if they absolutely hated the food I'd imagine most people could get past that for one meal!

Of it is a good restaurant then there should be no issues on the day itself as the food will be delicious.

I was really disappointed with my son’s meal at an expensive restaurant for a family celebration - what was termed a beetroot en croute was literally a whole beetroot in pastry. Nothing else and felt like such a lazy approach to what could have been even a really tasty main course.

Definitely don't change the restaurant.

If they're that ridiculous about one meal, them not being there doesn't seem much of a loss. If they bring it up, just say you've chosen somewhere that suits you and if they don't want to come that's up to them.

Another who agrees with your partner and friends. I am amazed that some people actually might not come to the wedding because of the restaurant choice.

If they care about you they will come. I appreciate if they decide not to then that's hurtful but no one doesn't go to a one day celebration they would otherwise like to attend because the food doesn't suit them.

And I say that as a vegetarian who has hated almost every bite of every 'Veggie Option' uninspired meal at every wedding I have ever attended, and is often unable to eat at evening buffets at weddings because the non meat food has already gone when I get there.

So say you're sorry they can't make it and mentally downgrade them to the arsehole list unless you absolutely must have them in the photos. If you go somewhere else and pick a meat option they will probably not like the sauce, or the rice, or the look of the waitress, and whinge all day anyway.

Stick to what you want. It's one day and one meal. I'm a meat eater but don't eat meat for every meal, that's rather weird imo.

I've been to some weddings where there's been hardly any food or the food has been terrible. Not vegan, just under ordered for buffets or all dry. Like any other polite guest I'd say nothing and get something on the way home if I needed to.

I'd just reply with 'sorry you can't make it, hope to see you soon' or something along those lines

I hope you have a wonderful wedding!

Of course you should have the restaurant of your choosing for your own wedding. People can go without meat for one meal- I say this as a meat eater.

It is your day, your rules. End of. You have provided them with the information so they can make whatever decision they wish to with this, not your problem. Seems hugely over dramatic to not attend all for one meal (and I say this not being a vegan) especially when it’s your wedding but that’s their choice. Keep it casual but firm in your response of something along the lines of ah that’s a shame hope to catch up with you afterwards and thanks for letting us know.

How entitled are they to try and dictate the menu at your wedding . Are they a close relative .? I was at a vegan wedding and the food was fabulous. The cake was particularly nice . But if I had a real problem with it I still wouldn't have said anything about it . How very rude . Do you really want these people there anyway . This is one time that the day really should be all about the couple.

Some people are so rude and entitled. I eat meat but I would be very happy with a vegan menu. There’s nothing vegan that is offensive.

Stick to your plans OP. If anyone doesn’t like it, they can do one. Have a lovely day. 💐

I’m not sure anyone goes to a wedding for the food, do they? Mass catering is rarely enjoyable, whatever dietary restrictions (or not) you have.

Some meat eaters get weirdly uptight about the thought of a meal without meat. Those people are generally arseholes, so best avoided.

I can't imagine that anyone who couldn't cope with the idea of eating one meal in a vegan restaurant would be too much of a loss to the gathering.

Let them accept or decline the invitation. Carry on as planned. No further action necessary.

They don't want to eat a vegan meal? Is it desperate Dan? 😂 Surely most people eat meals suitable for vegetarians or vegans all the time. I wouldn't change the restaurant, it's one meal I'm sure if they care about you enough to see you get married they can 'suffer' one meal either eating food that's not their first choice, picking at an acceptable side dish or not eating but being there to celebrate you.

Who is the one person who thinks you should change restaurant - someone significant, like your or DP's parents or an aged great aunt who you seldom see? The latter I'd instantly dismiss and the former I'd consider for maybe 2 minutes. Then dismiss.

It's your wedding and it sounds as if this restaurant will suit most of your guests, but if you switch it might put the vegans and vegetarians at a disadvantage.

I have so little patience with people who can't deal with something a bit different (medical conditions needing special diets excepted). It's one meal!

I should have said. Yes, we’re paying for the meal including drinks.

Apparently the drinks are an issue too. 😞 I don’t know what they want to drink but I know one likes baileys which isn’t vegan so obviously won’t be available. Maybe some beers etc that they drink aren’t vegan, but the restaurant have a good selection of soft drinks and alcohol.

Tell them if they don't want to eat a meal just say so in advance but that means we can't guarantee you'll have a seat at the restaurant obviously if you're not eating anything. If you'd rather not attend due to the restaurant choice that's also fine, just RSVP to let us know.

"Sorry you aren't able to attend. We will catch up another time and perhaps you can stop behaving like a petulant toddelr"

Unless there are allergies or food intolerances then these people are being pathetic and childish. No-one needs to eat meat at every meal. The last wedding I attended just had vegan and vegetarian food there as the couple were vegan. I even made a couple of vegan cakes as a wedding present, and they went down very well. No-one complained.

Stick to your plans.

vegan food will never be my first choice as much of the main components (lentils, beans, mushrooms, tofu etc) are foods I don’t particularly enjoy. I also dislike the vegan meats and cheese alternatives. BUT I would never say any such thing to a relative about their wedding choice and would attend happily and make the most of it. Stick to what you’ve picked. Don’t let them throw a tantrum.

God, people are so thick and rude.

Of course you shouldn't change the restaurant. If they are such fussy eaters that there is no food that happens to be vegan that they will eat they will be equally fussy about other things too.

If they say anything just say 'oh what a shame - pity you wouldn't just like to try a nice meal on a well-reviewed restaurant, but you are welcome to come for the ceremony, of course'

Say Its a shame you can't make it, catch up soon. If you changed venues to one with meat, what about your veggie and vegan friends? They have to suffer rubbish dishes to please a few?? Doesn't make sense to me

I was once given a ‘swede crumble’ as a vegetarian main course. Revolting.