Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

@Paganpentacle , wedding food doesn't normally offer much choice.
There are every day vegan foods that most people won't think of as vegan (jacket potato /chips and beans etc).

No just don't really eat any vegetables. I wouldn't expect special treatment but couldn't starve all day so probably just wouldn't go.

But IME at most weddings there is one food option anyway. Eat the chicken we are serving. That is forced upon you. If you really don't like it you can eat the other things surely? At least this is a restaurant with a choice. Maybe there is a vegan burger or a chick pea curry or a quorn chilli. Surely most people can eat those?

ETA I see others say the same. and @ThejoyofNC you don't eat vegetables? Really? Are you my friend (who gets a tuna and cucmber sandwich and picks out the cucumber)?

Sorry you are not coming, see you next time.
Im not vegetarian or vegan but if a vegan invite me to dinner or other event where no animal products are served I will go because the food is jot the main stuff is the other bits like the chat, the companion etc.
Furthermore what is wrong with a soup, hummus, pasta, rice, couscous, fruit, no egg cakes, etc etc. Sure they are not going to die. I think they may be thinking you are going to serve plastic bacon and a leaf of lettuce tbh.

I bet if they went to a restaurant and ordered a salad that was accidentally vegan, or a curry or something they wouldn’t even think twice about it. Idiots

If they cant eat one vegan meal to celebrate your wedding with you, its not really a big loss is it.

There are lots of vegan baileys alternatives.

'Sorry you cant make it' is the perfect response

I understand your disappointment but a lot of people don’t like typical vegan food. My PiL would be like that. What’s the point of going to meal and you can’t eat anything?

I’d cope if the vegan meal was, say, rice noodles with vegetable stir fry followed by fresh fruit salad, great.

But if someone wanted to serve me vegan cheese or fake meat followed by a pudding made with oils or upf, I’d rather pass

Have you supplied menus, perhaps that would help people to decide?

You could take food with you or nip out to a burger bar.

They’re being pathetic, and I say that as a meat eater and I’m not keen on vegan diets, but it’s your wedding and it’s your money, if they don’t come, that’s their fault they’re missing a good get together for a lovely wedding

I went to a vegan wedding once and the only issue was that the food choices were extremely limited and two out of the three were basically wild mushroom type dishes and quite a few people didn’t like mushrooms. Can’t remember what the third dish was but it was just too “fancy” for a lot of the guests ie contained vegetables they’d probably never eaten before.

It was a Scottish wedding so you are there from before the wedding (in the church) til about midnight so it’s a long time if you don’t eat much.

I was fine but I know a fair few folk nipped out for a fish supper lol (fish and chips).

depends on how much you like the invitees I suppose

It’s your wedding but they’re entitled to not be happy about it. I’d still go but I’d probably be moaning about it. Not to you obviously.

Can you just send them sample menus? They are probably scared they'll be expected to pretend to love slabs of tofu and tempeh, which are acquired tastes. But if they see mushroom and sage or asparagus and pea risotto or mediterranean puff pastry tarts etc, they probably won't even notice it's all vegan.

Honestly, if people were rude enough to threaten not to attend my wedding because they didn't fancy the menu, I'd just save money on the overheads by letting them not come!

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to

Is there any need to?
To my mind, if you accept an invitation you either accept it in all it parts or politely decline, especially when it's someone else's wedding, so if it's brought up by guests I'd simply say you'll look forward to seeing them another time

Edited to add I honestly wouldn't go down the route of offering menus either.
IME these can drive pure fusspots into a frenzy of "I can eat this but not that", quickly followed by something else they've "just remembered", so providing you've already allowed for allergies I'd just leave it

Some people are odd terrified of vegan (or even just vegetarian) food...

But you don't think about when eating a vegetable soup, or having brushetta, or eating dhal, or maybe pasta in a tomato and chilli sauce... or a salad...

The last wedding I went to had a buffet that was 50% vegan, 40% vegetarian and then a token 10% omnivore. Every one had at least some vegan stuff... and it was fine. A lot of people wanted the cheese. The children were reassured by the sausage rolls.

They’re being incredibly rude. I’d simply let them not come if they’re so opposed to eating chickpeas or whatever for one meal. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been to a vegan wedding. The food was fantastic and very accommodating. I’m a meat eater who farms and raises my own animals for meat. I love a vegan meal and it was truly one of the most lovely wholesome wedding meals I’ve ever had and my favourite wedding overall. Beautiful spread of roast potatoes, roast veg, nice breads, all sorts of salads, legumes, plus evening food trucks with dirty fries, vegan nachos and pizzas. Was fantastic.

They sound silly and rude. They should be thrilled to see you get married and grateful you’ve included them in your lovely meal.

its your wedding so have it at the place you want and like.

meat eaters aren't worried about vegans getting a celeriac for dinner half the time and most wouldn't make a fuss and refuse to attend a wedding over it.. They are coming to celebrate your union, if not eating meat for a couple of hours is too much, then they don't need to come.

Sounds like if they have a problem with the food and drink choices they’d be a nuisance wherever they go!
Agree with everyone that you just tell them it’s such a shame that they can’t make it and you’ll catch up with them after the day at some point.
My bet is they won’t actually turn down the invite and instead will probably come and moan…. I’ve been to 1 vegan wedding, the food was delicious, really imaginative and tbh I preferred it to the usual wedding food. Even my meat eating at every opportunity husband said it was lovey, he wouldn’t have dreamt on declining an invite based on menu even though it was totally different to his preferred food.
I’d be giving a big sigh of relief if they choose not to attend, they haven’t even mentioned it to you themselves but are relying on you being told via someone else… let them crack on!

@ObladiObladah , it probably wouldn't be fake meat. The problem is your fixed idea about 'typical vegan food'.

A vegan food to me would be something with no meat or dairy in it.
Toast with peanut butter, a jam sandwich, salad with hummus...
I often have vegan meals without intending to.

I've been a vegetarian for most of my life and I don't like what many call 'vegetarian food' (the stuff on restaurant menus).
A vegan going to a vegan restaurant will probably not be choosing fake meat and fake cheese.

How entitled are they to try and dictate the menu at your wedding

But they haven't tried to dictate anything. They haven't said anything at all to op. This is all hearsay reported by a third person.

I'd tell them to get tae fuck if it was me tbh.

Shocking behaviour. Just accept their decision and send invites out to more sensible friends to replace them.

I wouldn’t want to give them the opportunity of changing their minds.

they are always finishing the veg options before you even get there! its so infuriating

I cannot for the life of me imagine missing someone’s wedding because their choice of catering was not my favourite. Please do not pander to these people. You do not need them in your lives.

I would not choose a vegan meal. And mushrooms make me retch. But if invited to the wedding of a vegan I’d keep my mouth shut and be polite.

oh give over they want fucking baileys at dinner, its not a bloody pub