Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

Have the restaurant you want. I'm not vegan or vegetarian but am happy to eat vegan meals. I dont know what their problem is.

Blimey, can this person not manage without their first choice drink for one day?? Are they an alcoholic who only drinks Baileys?? How very odd.

Of course you shouldn’t change. Just ignore them.

They are definitely sounding extremely fussy, at best!

Are you paying for it or are people paying for their own meals?
Former then they should suck it up, latter then I can kind of see their point.

I will happily eat at a vegetarian restaurant, but vegan I find a bit hard going and I can’t drink black tea or use ghastly milk substitutes.

I'm sure we've all had bad meals of all kinds in all sorts of restaurants and other settings.

If the OP is planning to offer swede crumble to all her guests as the only choice, perhaps she can tell us?

Assuming you’re paying for the food, then people are being extremely unreasonable in making any kind of complaints. And yes, if anyone does voice their complaints to you then just say “that’s a shame, we’ll miss you there”. End of.

If people are paying for their own meals then they have a bit more cause for complaining. But still, for a loved ones wedding I’d just keep my mouth shut and get on with it. (I have no issues with a good vegan restaurant myself, but I know a lot people would).

It's second hand information. Unless you hear it from them you run the risk of things being filtered through a third party who may have got it wrong or not really listened.

Hopefully they will explain direct to you.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to

You don't "address" it with them. You accept their regrets and move on. I love food - vegan, vegetarian, fish and meat. It's just delicious food unless there are parsnips involved

Sorry cross posted I see you are paying, so people need to be quiet.

They are being absolutely ridiculous, anyone who would miss a loved ones wedding becauae they don't want to eat vegan for one meal, doesn't even deserve to be invited. I'd just say sorry you feel that way. It's your wedding and you should book whatever you want to.

I would reply "I'm sorry that eating a dead animal is more important to you than celebrating our special day. I'll note you down as not coming"

They are being so rude and ridiculous.

but I know one likes baileys which isn’t vegan

You can get an excellent vegan version of Baileys BTW.

These people sound a PITA and it sounds like the wedding will be nicer without their sour faces there.

If people don’t value their presence at your wedding enough to manage one vegan meal (or no meal!! They don’t have to eat it!) or not-Baileys drinks, then far from saying “it’s a shame you can’t make it but we understand” (neither of which would be true, for me, as it wouldn’t be a shame and I don’t understand) I’d be saying “thanks for letting us know in good time” and be thanking them internally for letting me know where I stand in their lives.

People are ridiculous. Seriously.

It's a stupid reason not to come to a wedding. The primary reason to show up is the celebrate the newly married couple, not the food.

That said, if you're family is open to different diets at home, it suggests that you don't have strict moral or ethical dilemma with people eating meat.
I can totally understand the single diet choice from a couple for whom it would pose an ethical problem to offer meat or vegetarian options.

But otherwise, every wedding i have been has generally tried to cater to everyone's preference of meat or vegetarian/vegan option.
And I personally wouldn't have imposed a restrictive menu on my wedding guests.

Agree with this - if guests can’t forgo meat for ONE meal in their lifetime and honour the preference of the Bride & Groom… well, fuck ‘em. And I say that as a hardened carnivore.

It’s your day. Do it your way.

They sound atrocious OP. I'm not vegan but am I going to complain about eating FREE vegan food and drinking FREE vegan drinks at someone's wedding. No.

Are they extremely picky eaters maybe? Even if they are I'd still go down the route of "sorry you're not coming hopefully we can catch up another time". Just might not be as annoyed at them for being so annoying.

Oh for fucks sake. It is 1 meal. They are ridiculous if they can't handle it. Tell them to stick a bag of pork scratchings in their pockets if it's such a drama.

We went to a wedding where the food was vegan. My meat eating DP was a little concerned He might not like the food (hes a bit picky.. ). The food was amazing. I still haven't tasted better tempura veggies. One of the best wedding meals we've had.

Baileys Almande is a thing. Vegan Baileys.

Wow these people are incredibly rude and ungrateful. Absolutely do not bend to them. If they don’t want to come to your wedding because they cannot stomach the idea of eating one meal that does not include animal torture and death then they are really not decent people.

I’m with the OP!

The only way vegetarians and vegans can guarantee they’ll get nice food (and enough of it), without being ripped off, is to go to a good quality vegan restaurant.

Honestly people are mental aren’t they 🤣 I agree with your partner OP, call them out and say bye with love

This. I don’t get the attitude of some people. Why do they have to be so difficult? It drains the enjoyment out of the day because you end up having to overthink everything when really it isn’t a big deal.

I concur with every previous poster. Nothing to add but I am nosy and want to know who the relatives are (i.e. how close they are to you) that they feel they can ask for the restaurant to be changed!

Bollocks to them OP. If their main consideration at your wedding is what they're going to shove in their mouths, they're no great loss. Have a fabulous wedding and spend any money you save on none attendees on somethIng lovely for yourselves. 💕