Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

They sound like utter cretins. Tell them to fuck off.

I went to a vegan wedding a few years ago. The food was interesting, some courses were challenging for my DC to eat. I snuck out and got them a sandwich after the meal from a local shop after the meal whilst the dancing was being set up!!

The point being is it's a wedding. Bride and Groom get to choose. We smile and are polite and if we are worried about the food then bring or buy a snack.

If they dont want to go because they dont want vegan food .. no problem! They dont go. The food is the food.

Ignore them. It is incredibly rude and entitled of them to cause issues like this.

It is your day and your choice.

The wedding is about you and your partner. Anyone grumbling and expecting fundamental changes isn’t being respectful.

I mean, I wouldn't go to a vegan wedding because there's nothing I would eat and I'd be starving. But I'd either just attend the ceremony or politely decline.

As others say – they can get in the bin with that attitude.

Or more politely – if and when they refuse to come – oh what a shame you can't come. Let's meet up soon.
<and then don't>

I'm a meat eater btw but I cannot imagine being unable to eat food at a vegan resto. Obvs if wheat allergic or similar but you say they are not. Who doesn't eat vegetables? (actually I do know someone who doesn't eat any veg but I think that's pretty extreme).

Tell them they're welcome to the ceremony but if they can't go one meal without animals in it, to stay away from the reception.

I'm not a vegan and I don't like 'vegan' (i.e. meat/dairy substitutes) but your relatives are ignorant and selfish.

A bowl of chips could be vegan.

@FinloCorrin , don't get me started on vegetarian food, but beetroot en croute sounds bang on some chef's idea .

You don’t eat vegetables?

You can’t put a cereal bar or something in your bag?

People can be so strange about this stuff. One of my best friends is vegan and for her hen (friday night to Sunday morning in self catering) I asked us all to eat vegan. Her sister-in-law insisted on sneaking milk in and ordering ice cream from the restaurant when we were having a vegan set meal (veggie restaurant). It didn’t matter that much but she was so self righteous about it - it was 1.5 days. Seriously? Really made me think of her differently.

Older relatives tho do sometimes find it more alien but then it’s just one meal!

Can you imagine not attending someone’s wedding because you didn’t like the sound of the vegan option? you do your wedding the way you want and be proud!!

-of course you shouldn’t change, it’s your wedding.
-don’t spend a moment worrying about ‘messages’ that reach you via a third party, come up with a polite but clear response and leave it at that (agree with ‘that’s a shame, will have to catch up with them another time’ as suggested upthread)

• if someone comes to you with a specific difficult allergy profile, of course have a discussion with them - I do know people who are allergic to soy, mushrooms and pulses for example, which does make it a bit trickier, but Im sure you can come up with an option.

Im having a vegetarian wedding which is hardly very out there, and am still getting these comments. Don’t worry about it.

If you want to remain on good terms, I’d just tell them they are welcome to come to the register office still, but if they don’t want to attend the meal, to let you know asap so you can let the restaurant know.

It is a shame. But I would add that it is restrictive to not cater for non vegans in the first place. Do they know what the menu will consist of ?

They sound beyond difficult.
I love meat and cheese I'd have no issue with your wedding. Its ONE singular meal.

And as if she NEEDS to drink baileys specifically and couldnt bear wine / gin / vodka / soft drinks for ONE meal....
Puh-lease.

they just hate vegans and want to try and make a point.

Do not change your plans and dont even get into discussion on it.

I'd just send a direct text
"Hi Janet and Peter,
I am just finalising numbers can you confirm if you are attending or not?"

Do not even address the food and drink (which I am sure are fine)
If they are so fucking petty they rather skip your wedding.. fine
Its provably better for you as if they come they'll just be sat there with a cob on complaining preemptively about food they haven't even eaten.

Wait for them to raise it. Tilt your head in a confused manner and sweetly say "oh that's a shame. We were really looking forward to celebrating with you and treating you to a meal at a restaurant we love. But if that's going to be too difficult for you we will or course miss you, but we can catch up another time".

Absolutely do not change the venue. Anyone that has the audacity to complain about the free food at a loved one's wedding for no reason other than the fact there is no meat in it is not worth sacrificing your preferred wedding for.

One vegan meal?!! How ridiculous!! You’re not exactly asking much so if they don’t want to come then don’t worry about it.

@WeddingProblem , if it wasn't the vegan bit it would be something else. They'd be complaining it was lamb not beef or that it was chicken or something.

I can see both sides.
Of course meat eaters “can” eat vegan .. unless they really don’t like it. It’s kind of being forced upon them with no other option.
If they decide not to come it won’t be because they don’t like you.. they just they dont want to eat what you have decided they must 🤷‍♀️

Come on they need to get a grip. I'm not vegan but would happily eat a vegan meal at someone's wedding.

Weddings bring out the worse in people. See it as a positive and one less meal to pay for.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

Do you have lots of allergies? I'm sure if that was explained to the bride and groom they could speak to the rest and sort something out or would be fine with you leaving after the ceremony. I'm sure OP would've understood if that had been her guests issue.

interested to know about posters (I see there are a couple) who say they or their DC cannot eat vegan food. Do you actually not eat any vegetables?

But how is that different to a vegetarian or vegan only having a single option at a meat-eater’s wedding? Which they may or may not like, but tend to have to suck up…

I’m Muslim - I don’t have alcohol in my wedding even though others are alcohol drinkers.

your wedding your rules

vegan food is food!

I don't think you need to worry about the relative who only eats meat and only drinks Baileys... they won't be alive very long!

Enjoy your day... tell anyone who doesn't want to join in to do one...

That's wedding meals though isn't it? You have something 'forced' on you. It's usually no choice or limited choice, it's usually not very nice/cold because it's mass catering for loads of people. It's just one of those things.

My daughter and son in law are vegan. They got married in a beautiful hotel. We had a meal the night before the wedding, breakfast, and day time meal, evening food day of wedding plus breakfast next day, everything was vegan. Wine served at table was vegan but full bar was also available. Food was delicious, although my mother made a fuss and said she didn't enjoy it.
Lots of food we eat is vegan but we just don't announce it (baked potato and beans, some vegetable soup, risotto).
I would just ignore them and enjoy your day with people who are prepared to act like adults