Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? My kids were fussy fuckers but ate things that were vegan and vegetarian without thinking about it. Like chips, breads, crisps, pizzas …

Flatbreads and wraps can be vegan, and so can pasta, roast potatoes, hash browns, cornbread, croquettes/tater tots, fritters, rissoles, potato scones, and rice dishes. Lots of things other than chips are nice with tomato sauces or Heinz vegan mayonnaise.

And there’s jacket potato, corn cobs, ratatouille, crudités, fruit juices, crackers, hummus, mushroom pâté, fruit, vegan desserts like ice cream, fruit shakes … I mean, grown-up communication with B&G / restaurant would be needed in advance, but it’s better than sulking about Baileys or having #SadTimes.

I've never met a meat eater who doesn't also eat vegetables and beans etc.

If you're happy to eat beans on toast, tomato based pasta & sauce, vegetable soup and sage & onion stuffing, you can eat a vegan meal. - a free one, at that - and get the feck over yourself.

At the end of the day it's your wedding and your money paying for the dinner. If you're not happy contributing financially to buying meat, that's that.

Eating meat is not a human right. It's a personal choice that nobody has to to provide for you.

I'd absolutely brush them off and enjoy the day without them.

This
apart from some weddings have had a delicious vegetarian option. Most have been something pretty awful like a plate of gluey rice.
A buffet and I'm lucky if I can find a solitary triangle of egg sandwich.

Those criticising 'vegan food' will be those who'd eat beans on toast but if needing to feed a vegan would go into a complete flap about fake sausages.

I agree. better a decent vegan restaurant than a "normal" restaurant trying to accommodate vegans. I think that you, OP, should go ahead with your choice. I am definitely NOT vegan, not even veggie, but quite often I look at my plate that I have chosen and cooked and realise that my dinner is vegan. Honestly I think the invitees (won't call them "guests") who are moaning are being rude beyond belief and I'd be withdrawing their invitations.

I’m always amazed that there are people in the world who don’t eat anything from a list including bread, pasta, rice, potatoes /chips, dark chocolate, any vegetable or any fruit, for a three hour period. Tbh I think this is a very small group. It’s particularly good that you’ve gone for a restaurant rather than a set meal, which should give a decent choice for anyone.

Really? You don’t eat any vegetables, potatoes, rice, pasta, beans, fruit, nuts, seeds? Have you never had beans on toast, jacket potatoes, chips etc? If so where do you get your fibre from? Or for that matter Vitamin C?

It’s only lovely if that’s what they enjoy.
Personally I’d eat it… my husband and parents would starve because it’s just not their taste.
It’s not being rude to have different tastes ffs.

No but it is being rude to not attend someone's wedding because the meal isn't to your exact liking. It is prioritising one meal in a lifetime of meals over the joy of being part of an important celebration.

And no one will starve. You eat before hand. You eat afterwards. You eat the bread or salad.

I mean, it's your day so it's your choice how the day goes, especially if you're paying for it yourselves.

I will say that when I got married I was really keen the food was enjoyable for all my guests because i think that's part of setting the tone for the day and it's a long day for most people, so I did make a point of picking things I thought the majority of guests would enjoy even though i didn't and I just had a different meal myself, but I don't think you're under any obligation to do that as long as actual dietary needs are catered for.

For a guest to bring it up to you would be very rude.

How incredibly rude of them! Have a lovely, vegan, day with your nicer friends and relatives around you.

It’s your wedding. You are vegan and have chosen the restaurant accordingly. If they won’t come because of that then good riddance I say! I’m a meat eater but some of the most delicious food I have eaten has been vegan. In fact, the best food I have eaten at a wedding was vegetarian.

I’d let them get on with it. You’re not asking them to eat vegan food for a month!

This is ridiculous on their part. It's your wedding.
If they are afraid of being hungry, they can bring in biscuits to snack in the bathroom or their car or wherever.

This is not a case of vegans wanting to hijack someone else's wedding menu by insisting that one of two choices available is vegan or something. It's making an issue for nothing.

Some people are really weird about other people’s food choices. Don’t let their daftness upset you.

I really respect you @WildestDreamer . My son has issues with textures and cooked veg and he would struggle too. Dh is vegan and I’m vegetarian and we’d adore a proper vegan restaurant but would probably have the same approach as you for ds. But you’d go and you would try it and you’d quietly make an arrangement if you needed. That’s really thoughtful.

It's your wedding and you are paying. Of course the meal can be vegan. Anyone who chooses not to come for that reason is at liberty to choose their appetite over their relationship with you - and consider it a good thing to know where you stand with them. I've had some rather unpleasant vegan experiences from time to time but also had some really delicious vegan meals and frankly it doesn't matter. If I go to a wedding and don't like the food - no trouble, it's only one meal, I'm there for the love of the people, the food is incidental.

most vegan places will offer both for whole food vegans and those who don't mind fake meat etc.

they will also have options like sorbet etc as well as more processed stuff.

They can grab a MacDonalds between wedding and reception, then complain that they are too full to eat a the tasty vegan meal that they are served.
Sadly omnivore restaurants often are a bit rubbish at vegan food so that's why you don't want to go there.
A dedicated vegan restaurant will be able to serve food that anyone can like

TBH the only vegan wedding I've ever been to the food was... not good. And I like most things, but the vegan stuff I like best tends to be not the sort of stuff you'd expect people to have at a wedding (and so it was at this one). So I understand not being particularly excited about the prospect.

But you get over yourself, you eat beforehand, you go to the wedding and be a gracious guest! If the food really isn't to someone's taste they can always push it round their plates. And you're paying anyway.

I think it’s sad that some people can’t do without meat for one meal. Maybe you’ll have a few converts among the meat eaters who are happy to come.

In saying that, I know my mum would have struggled with vegan food. She was a very plain eater and we used to find it hard to get something suitable for her in ANY restaurant, let alone a vegan one. She had no gripe with vegetarianism or veganism, but the idea that she would have had to ‘join in’ would not have computed! A plate of chips and salad would have done the job though😅

Due to being allergic to cows milk I’ve tried vegan meals in restaurants and they’ve not been good. I end up regretting trying them.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding with a vegan menu.

My son has a limited diet that doesn't work well with vegan food so I'd ask if I could bring food for him or if that wasn't possible simply attend the wedding but explain the restaurant afterwards wouldn't be possible and send my best wishes.

We went to 6 weddings in one year. Do you know how many times I ate a lukewarm mushroom risotto? 5. The other time was a lukewarm mushroom & goats cheese risotto.

Have the food you want, if the food is more important than you then fuck them. Have a vegan Baileys to celebrate them not coming!

Absolutely "it's a, shame you've chosen not to come but we repsecr your decision"

It will not cause drama - they will cause the drama. Big difference

Very well put, @Happyjoe

And relax, @WeddingProblem; with such folk if it wasn't this I guarantee it would be something else - the music's too loud, the lighting's not right, the chairs are uncomfortable, they didn't want to sit next to so-and-so - and yes I've known them all

You've made your decision so just stick with it and have a wonderful day

I'm vegetarian and have attended weddings where the food option hasn't been great, but it's only one meal. You've invited them, it's up to them whether they attend or not.