Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

The relative who complained about the vegan food probably didn't intend that to get back to you. They'll probably still come.

I have been to countless occasions where the one vegetarian option was awful, sometimes literally inedible or really badly cooked, and just eaten the sides or nothing much at all. Or there was no vegetarian option at all, a few years ago you would sometimes just be offered fish! Annoying to perhaps be a bit hungry, or to feel a little hard done by, but not to the extent that I would think there was no point going to the meal. The point is to socialise after the wedding, which can be done no matter how much you eat.

I'd probably suggest that they got a mcdonalds and then joined us for a drink after the meal.........

Just ignore them. If they grumble, it’s better they don’t come to the wedding. I say this as someone who enjoys vegan food but also eats meat

The daftest thing is that they eat a lot of vegan foods eg fruit, veg, breads etc. They could possibly be having at least one vegan meal or at least vegan snacks every day. They just don’t call it vegan!

I also notice that some wines now badge themselves with being vegan, they don’t tassel different but it will appeal to someone looking for it

Don't want to come to your wedding because of a meal?
Then take away their invite. Real easy solution. Jesus, if they can't respect you on your wonderful day, for one meal, then they can sod off.

Enjoy your wedding free of small minded entitled people and dance the night away!

You don't have to address it OP. They can fuck the fuck off. If they choose not to come that's on them. Less money for you to fork out.
Just wait to see what they decide. It sounds like they're just having a moan and it probably shouldn't have been something that got back to you. If they don't want to attend because of such a moronic reason then they are simply cutting their noses off to spite their faces.

Sounds like if they have a problem with the food and drink choices they’d be a nuisance wherever they go!

Very possibly yes, @lessglittermoremud
Though it wasn't a vegan affair a family member had this with one guest and tied themselves in knots with each fresh demand, to the point of ordering a specific meal just for her ... only to see her tell the staff on the day that she "couldn't eat that" either and had they got something else?

Thank you so much everyone. I wasn’t expecting so many replies so quickly as this board is usually really quiet and slow, but I can see it’s in active so is getting more replies. I did think about putting it on AIBU but couldn’t face it. 😅

Good to hear from the meat eaters that on the whole they wouldn’t have a problem with our choice as it gives me confidence that this couple are being unreasonable.

We will wait and see if they bring it up with us. I feel weirdly on edge as I would like them to come, but at the same time, I do feel we have a right to choose the restaurant we want.

It’s my aunt and uncle, but if they don’t come, at least one of my cousins probably won’t come and it’ll cause a lot of drama that I really don’t want. We are actually paying for a hotel for them on the night of our wedding so it’s even more hurtful that they would be like this. 😢

It's your wedding, your choice. They either come or they don't, and if they don't just enjoy your day with those that are around you.

Had you not said half the guests were vegan and some veggie I’d have said why are you going to a vegan restaurant as some of your family eat meat but given lots of the guests don’t eat meat, I don’t see the issue! Anyone can eat vegan food but vegans don’t eat meat so I don’t see the issue! If guests don’t want to come… it’s their loss!

Proper vegan food, rather than the fake substitutes?

I'd be over the moon to be going. I'm lazy and always love to see how great food can taste without dairy or eggs.

We are meat eaters but lots of our meals are veggie. I can not stand the vegan alternatives tho.

I would struggle to eat a vegan meal, I have issues with textures and don’t eat any fruit and very few vegetables. But I would still attend and attempt the food, because it’s not my day it’s yours.
I would probably sneak out for something at some point though! And I would complain to those close to me, but would never expect the bride and groom to pander to my awkwardness.

Do they have some strange allergy to salad?
Do they come out in hives at the thought of a vegetable?

Just uninvite them.

Your day.
Your choice.

It will not cause drama - they will cause the drama. Big difference.

Honestly OP, I'm veggie, been veggie since I was 10. I have lost count of the amount of places I've been invited to, including 2 weddings where there was not vegetarian option. I just ignored it and enjoyed the event! More important things to worry about and if your rellies cannot let you chose your own wedding, exactly how you want it then it's all their issue. Enjoy your day!

They are being ridiculous. Do they think they actively dislike all vegan food? How do they know that? If they raise it, you could try to persuade them by explaining your reasons and naming something that’s going to be served that you’re sure they’d like. Or you could be more assertive, as they deserve, and tell them you’re sorry that the food they will be offered is more important to them than joining you in celebrating your wedding.

We had a vegan wedding and we just didn’t tell anyone. We literally didn’t discuss food before hand with anyone at all. We confirmed allergies and that’s it. We had a pop up food stand and charcuterie so they could decide on the day. Have you mentioned it’s vegan or did they google restaurant and find out?

I’ve attended loads of weddings recently and most of them haven’t been sit down dinners so no need to give them food options before hand.

FIL complained but he sucked it up. It was one meal. Tell them you’re sorry they can’t make it. Not their wedding.

It’s entirely up to you OP. You can either stick to a vegan meal and accept some people make choose not to come; or change the restaurant to cater for everyone. It depends how much you’ll miss the naysayers.

Wouldn't you just eat something beforehand?

Your wedding , your choice perhaps they are very restricted with what they eat , have looked at the menu and decided that it’s not for them , it’s entirely their decision . They may feel not coming is less embarrassing than sitting and not eating or don’t want to waste your money .

I would still have wanted a vegan restaurant even if less guests were vegan and vegetarian because I’m vegan, my partner is vegetarian but only because he occassionally eats eggs so he mostly eats vegan, one child is vegan, one vegetarian and one eats meat. I would like to think it’s ok to put our preferences first for one meal on our wedding day.

Why would anyone object to eating a vegan meal? I think they're making a point. They probably boast about note being "woke". Just tell them to fuck off.

I am Indian, DH is English. When we married all the food was vegetarian and probably 90% vegan. Not sure we really had an issue TBH. It is your wedding, so I think it is your rules isn't it? I would not fall out with anyone over it, but I would just say thanks and catch up some other time.

the days of mushroom risotto....

It’s only lovely if that’s what they enjoy.
Personally I’d eat it… my husband and parents would starve because it’s just not their taste.
It’s not being rude to have different tastes ffs.

Some people are twats. Sometimes we are sadly related to them.

it’s your wedding and I imagine a specialist vegan restaurant will serve up the most delicious and innovative food. What a shame they are so narrow minded. But don’t make it your problem. Have a wonderful day!!