Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

Name your house: Vegan Villa or Dun Meatetin’

Haha it'd probably look a bit silly on a suburban estate ;-)
Also we don't really want this to be a 'thing' - it's just life to us but we don't really preach, unless asked for views/facts!

When a visit is mentioned, then if they don't fancy it they can make excuses without it being quite so obvious.

Is this family and friends staying (not paid guests)?
Surely a "don't forget this is a vegan house. No non vegan foods please. Thanks" is all you need.
The same it would be if someone in your family had a allergy ("no nuts in this house") or a no smoking rule.

How strict will you be? No leather shoes or silk undies? No wool scarves?

If you are going to be actively inviting people to stay then you mention it to them then I suppose.

Do you live somewhere people are likely to want to visit? Can't imagine using someone else's house like a hotel otherwise. If so, maybe print out a list of Ts and Cs and send it to people when you invite them?

Could you send a chatty note to all your contacts that talks about your lovely new home and how you are looking forward to welcoming everyone but at the end have a please note? You could talk about your beliefs and how important they are to you and then explain that your home is strictly vegan. You could go on to say that you understand that others may feel unable to comply to a vegan diet even for a short time but that would sadly mean that while you hope to be able to continue enjoying their company it would have to be outside of your home?
I get it completely, if a recovering alcoholic or a Muslim family asked me not to bring alcohol into their home I’d be perfectly fine with that. Your home, your rules.
You're going to have to remind them before they come. …

I think it's absolutely reasonable as request. But is worth clarifying. I'm vegetarian and eat vegan regularly so it would be no issue for me. I have relatives who were vegetarian and now mainly vegan but when they host they host vegetarian meals. I think this is common or people will eat vegetarian when travelling as it can be a lot of work being vegan. So it's more common to have variations of veganism. Therfore probably more likely to need clarification.

I'd also say if people aren't happy with it I'd re think how I view them. As if friends can't respect your views they aren't good friends.

Just mention it when you invite people to stay (or they ask to stay)

Be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable to you, though. I’d be happy not to bring in non-vegan food, but some of my (prescription) medicine isn’t vegan, so I’d have to bring that in or not stay.

How would you view someone who accidentally brought in, say a dairy chocolate Easter egg?
Not everyone is clued up on veganism. I'm not being dense, when my ds became vegan I tried my very best but sometimes made mistakes.

We’re moving to London, and have lived abroad + have family abroad, so yes lots of people expected to want to visit, but absolutely no payment of course. When I say ’like a hotel’ I mean that I’d be perfectly happy for people to ask if they can stay for three nights because they’re going to a concert one night and it’d also be nice to do something together at some point, but not only ’let’s invite people over that we’ll spend two days with and then they leave again’. So not ’I’d like to book a room for three nights 😊’.

Sending T&Cs feel a bit much… A short version of what @love writes might be the best way forward…

Good point with clothing etc – obviously (to me but take the point) won’t police what people wear, so just food and drink. (And when people are out and about obviously they eat whatever they want, including if we go for a meal. Although if we suggest something we’d probably suggest a veggie/vegan place…)

Obviously medication not counting. I think the Vegan Society puts it as ’as far as reasonably possible’ or something.
Thank you for your views!

@OCaledonia Mistakes happen! No worries, but would prefer it if they put it away or ate it later.

Don't overthink it. When someone is organising to stay at yours, mention in that conversation something lightly about how no meat/dairy products are in your home.

@veganhost I think what your doing is amazing!! Of course let people know in advance - maybe print some cards- short but sweet. Good luck !

TBH I wouldn’t stay with you. It’s ok to have your own beliefs but definitely not to force them on others. For a start some people are allergic to vegan products. I would feel hurt that you didn’t take my opinions into consideration. I have vegan relatives and always cater for them when we have a get together. I would never make them feel unwelcome or force them to eat non vegan food. It sounds like my way or the highway.

Perfectly happy for you not to stay of course! I've never met anyone who would have that view, so I think it's more a reminder people might need. I don't think I know anyone who would never eat at least a veggie meal by choice sometimes, so we're clearly different :-)

Incidentally, I'm not clear what you mean by 'For a start some people are allergic to vegan products.' I don't think anyone is alive who is allergic to everything vegan. Water is necessary for survival, for example ;-)

We aren’t vegan but would have no problem with you saying only vegan food in the house. As you live in London, I’m assuming anyone desperate for milk in their coffee could walk to the nearest coffee shop. Just tell them when you’re arranging it.

Only vegan when in the house sorry

I'm vegan and don't really understand your dilemma - surely if you're hosting you provide the food so they just eat what you provide? Or am I missing something massive like it's traditional in your family for people to each bring a dish. I'm confused.

Well you kind of are preaching if you are restricting people to a vegan diet whilst they’re staying. Which is fine, obviously your decision, but it’s going to be restrictive and imposing your choices on guests.

Sending a short message to your prospective guests is a good idea. As a guest i certainly would expect to eat a vegan (and absolutely no meat) diet at a vegan house. I might be a bit surprised at not being allowed to bring milk.

That's hilarious.

No, people are not allergic to vegan products. Yes, people may to be allergic to some vegan foods (e.g. Nuts, soya, strawberries etc) but nobody is allergic to all vegan food.

I'm sure if the op had a guest who was allergic to a specific vegan food, she would ensure they were not exposed to them while in her house.

OP, I'm veggie and would have no problem with that. I think anyone who can't survive without animal products while in your house for a few days are being ridiculous, particularly as you are not asking them to eat vegan when out and about.

I think that perhaps you're being a bit inflexible, especially if you might be having grandparents or other close relatives to stay. I'd be happy to eat vegan meals but, despite having tried all alternatives, I only like tea & coffee with dairy milk and like to have at least one cup of tea a day. I would be surprised if I came to stay with you and you didn't let me keep a pint of milk in the fridge - especially if, when you came to stay with me, I was expected to provide vegan options.

We are vegetarian. Most of our family and a lot of friends are.

We have never had anyone turn up with a food or dish asking for it to be served that was not vegetarian as they know we wouldn't have it prepared or heated in our kitchen. There is no problem if they turn up with something that is ready to eat.

No one has ever taken any offence as it's our house and our way of life.

Years ago we did have a saucepan and some other bits especially for my son who does eat meat so he could uses those but I think they only ever got used a couple of times so we didn't keep them.

Incidentally, I'm not clear what you mean by 'For a start some people are allergic to vegan products.' I don't think anyone is alive who is allergic to everything vegan. Water is necessary for survival, for example ;-)

I assume they meant allergies or intolerances to vegan protein like legumes and quorn.

Lol. The OP isn’t ‘forcing’ their beliefs on others. People can simply not stay.

@Candleabra
Interesting point! I was thinking that we don’t talk about it etc (and certainly won’t leave any leaflets around, but equally we obviously won’t remove our quite large selection of books on philosophical issues related to animal rights etc!

@bakewellbride
I see what you mean! When we invite, we provide everything. This is likely to become a little more relaxed and people more or less inviting themselves. When I visit on the same terms it feels natural to by some food sometime, some nice breakfast stuff for a joint breakfast, contributing to an evening meal eg or just buying my own breakfast food. And that’s where we wouldn’t want people to also buy some ham for example.