Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

That kind of arrangement can get old very quickly but if you really want your house to be a free for all just tell them it's a vegan household and any non vegan foods will be thrown out.

I think if a Muslim or Jewish family were posting this no one would say you should be allowed to bring bacon into their house.
Harder for someone with a small child who tend to be less keen on swapping cow's milk for oat, for example!

Sounds fine. I don't drink coffee without dairy milk but I can live perfectly well without it, or stay somewhere else.

Sounds a bit like my attitude to smoking, except I don't even think to talk about it, because it's so rare now to be asked by a smoker. So there's actually more risk of a problem, in that if I do end up with a partner of ds's that smokes, I will feel I have to say yes they can smoke in the garden and then will sit feeling miserable and tense until they go away. Much better to say up front 'we have a completely vegan home'. I didn't rate a big ham to my Jewish in-laws' house either.

"We're absolutely delighted to have you here and you can stay as long as you want but please remember that we are a vegan household: eat what you like when you're out and about but we ask that you don't bring non-vegan food into the house."

If that was what they meant, obviously I check before I cook a meal for someone if there's anything in particular they can't eat or have an allergy to :-) Just like most people would!?

@DrJoanAllenby I don't think it'll be an issue most of the time! But we would not want to heat up a non-vegan meal in our oven/microwave oven or use our plates, so we're stricter than you on that :-)

I'm not vegan and am allergic to an ingredient used in almost all vegan 'cheese' alternatives and a lot of other meat substitutes. If OP was my friend I would have no problem with being told, when we first started to discuss staying, something along the lines of 'Just so you know, we are a vegan household and don't want any non-vegan food in our home. There will be loads of nice vegan foods for everyone though'. I would just have a chat with the OP about what foods I need to avoid and if I really felt the need for dairy milk/eggs etc with my breakfast would probably offer to take everyone out for breakfast somewhere that caters for both vegans and non-vegans (by way of thankyou for the hospitality).

Nobody would be forcing you or anyone else to stay with the OP 🙄 and what vegan products are you allergic to that would make it impossible to stay in a vegan household?

The only thing I would struggle with is I would really want to bring some cow's milk for my morning cuppa. The day would get off to a really bad start without it.
I suspect I might not be alone.

It's easy to substitute something else for the cows' milk though. For example, instead of cereal with milk, have fancy bread/toast with jam or vegan pancakes with various toppings etc. Most kids would be see that as a treat breakfast. Other meals are much easier I think.

A couple of comments have been about cow's milk in coffee/tea - yeah, I think that might be the biggest issue... Funnily enough a couple of my non-vegan friends have started using oatly barista in their coffee and want nothing else now, but my mother for example will be sceptical about anything other than cow's milk. People will have to get their fix if they need it once they've gone out!

And yes, cereal for small children might be difficult too. We don't have that many small children around any more, previously (in previous location where we had a smaller place but still had some guests) I often made (vegan) pancakes for breakfast, that often worked well, but I haven't got time to do that every day so to speak.

If I asked to crash at yours, I'd appreciate you immediately saying something along the lines of 'yep fine, BTW as a vegan household we do not want any meat or dairy in the house'. It's not a big issue.

On the allergic to vegan food thing, one of my dcs has a serious legume allergy so veganism would be a difficult lifestyle for her (she can't eat lentils, beans or soya) but it wouldn't be a huge problem for a night or two with staying with vegans and complying with their requests.

You may be overthinking this, for you to invite someone to stay surely they know you well enough to know that you are vegan and to expect vegan food

Thanks @DoggieMommie and @sockarefootwear nicely worded suggestions! Might just have to tweak the 'as long as you like' there are limits ;-)

It's really interesting to see people's views, both the ones who would find it slightly odd (or unacceptable :-) ) and the ones who think it's natural.

I think it depends how strict you are. A lot of foods might contain some animal fat
ie some bread or pastries. Would this be inspected? If I was to visit a foreign country having to self cater and seek out pure vegan diet, I would stay in a hotel. I would be fine with not bringing milk, cheese, ham etc

A short message when inviting people ......,

hi, don't forget we're strict vegans and don't want any non-vegan food or drink in our house. What you eat and drink elsewhere is of course up to you, but not in our house, thanks.

I think it's sensible to be upfront. I think a lot of non-vegans would assume that it would be fine to being some cows' milk to stick in the fridge - they might even think they were being helpful! - or to pick up some lovely croissants for everyone, or a bottle of non-vegan wine.

I don't know any kids who won't eat some variety of toast and jam/marmite/peanut butter/honey, or pancakes. Presumably there are some but all these things are manageable if everyone is honest.

So what about formula milk for babies?

I am not aware of any circumstances when an egg or a carton of cows milk has leapt out of the fridge and actually attacked anyone.. and I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts.
Why not just lighten up OP?

Not actual honey and butter though. 😊

Peanut butter - but oops, yes, forgot about honey!

Would you say the same to a jew or Muslim who didn't want any ham/bacon/etc in their house?

We have family who were strictly vegan and enforced this when they had visitors. They wouldn’t allow any meat or meat-derived products in their home.

The first couple of times we had to be reminded, and the very first time we were told (thankfully, because it wouldn’t have occurred to us!) “so, this includes things like a half tuna sandwich you’re saving for later, milk for your tea and coffee, cheese strings/babybels for the DC etc. We can’t have that stuff in the house”. It was difficult and ultimately impossible as our family grew, so we actually we stopped going after a while. Totally fine, of course, no hard feelings from anyone. Point being though that we needed telling for basic things which people without restricted diets don’t ever think about. You might want to think of that. Once you’ve written the first text/email/whatsapp just copy and paste it for all your guests.

I will just add that they’ve slackened their own rules completely now that they have their own DC 😄. Everything is allowed now except actual meat and fish!

We are vegetarians and we often have our keto/no-upf friends over and it is difficult to find a middle ground here. But we really want to have them over! So they buy most of their own food and prepare it themselves, meat preferably on the bbq outside. It depends I guess who the guests are and how bad you want them to stay. But i would state it very clear in their “bookingprocess” because it is not something you think about when you are not a vegan.

on the other hand, i remember staying with my keto friends while pregnant and i had these terrible cravings. And I told them I really had to go for a walk and crashed into the nearest supermarket to buy chocolate cakes and ate a whole package. Would you be ok if your guests would do such a thing with meat or cheese?

Vegetarian here.
We also don’t have any non vegetarian stuff in the house ( we even take our own frying pan on holiday with us😀)

When we first bought a house my family thought it would be ‘funny’ to bring turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day. I simply told them it’s not OK and they put it all back in the car.

Im surprised people don’t know you’re vegan tbh as they are staying at yours.
However
Yes, just tell people non vegan foodstuffs ( I’m assuming you don’t mean leather bags and shoes etc) are not welcome in the house.

If people aren’t happy, that’s life really but I wouldn’t want to compromise our principles for those that don’t respect them.

A friend didn't have an allergy but was struggling with severe IBS symptoms and was on a very restricted diet for some time. They were avoiding legumes and gluten in particular so would likely have been unable to stay in a strict vegan household unless an exception could be made to allow them high welfare eggs for example.