Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

You can impose what rules you like. Personally, I’d be swerving your house because it sounds like a rather dour experience.

As for the religion comparisons, self-selecting veganism is not a religion. It has no religious history, text or practices. In the UK veganism is not historically a social practice or convention either. Unless someone’s strict veganism is the product of a religious system or a well established social expectation (as in parts of India, for example, as I understand it) it’s just a lifestyle choice.

OP has said that she will tell people that they do not want ANY non-vegan food in their home. You would have to be very stupid to take that to mean only meals.

Are people actually stupid or is it a deliberate lack of understanding I wonder? 🤔

What's a dairy or meat sub though? Olive oil is a reasonable substitute for butter. A good quality one is fabulous with bread. Nuts, legumes etc are excellent substitutes for meat. No additives in them.

Think lots of people would agree with this.

Yeah, I find this a bit odd. Not the vegan bit - your house and your rules. But who wants their house to be used "like a hotel". Unless you are very young or students I really think this sort of arrangement will get abused and eventually lead to resentment.

Will you have any ASD/ ND people/ children coming to stay?
Because that will be hard. My Grandkids can spot a vegan nugget a mile away .. and know the different tastes of milk.
They would rather starve than be told what they can and can't eat/ drink.
Especially the one with ARFID.
They only eat and drink their " safe " things.

I don't eat many products with additives either and absolutely avoid ultra processed food with very few exceptions, so wouldn't be a problem (very rarely use fake meats or quorn eg, my partner likes a vegan 'sausage' at times though, I tend to stick to some beans then eg). Wouldn't have any problems with not bringing such stuff to your home. I'd only have a problem and stay elsewhere if you said all visitors had to be force fed meat :-)

Out of curiosity, would you not occasionally be able to eat or even like for example peanut butter on bread or fruit & nut salad or fried onions/beans/tomatoes/mushrooms or avocado sandwiches for breakfast for example? I don't eat cereals (also UPF a lot of the time!) and on weekends eat more or less anything for breakfast but some people may struggle to.

Only if that are spectacularly rude or if you tried to force non- vegan food on them.

Then if they can’t cope, they’re free to stay elsewhere.

it’s just a lifestyle choice.

At least it’s based on reality and not what their imaginary deity of choice told them to eat or not eat unlike religion, but regardless I still wouldn’t dream of taking pork into a Jewish or Muslim family’s home. It’s really not that difficult to respect their wishes and other options are available e.g a hotel if guests aren’t happy with it. No one is forced to stay with the OP.

They'd have to stay somewhere else or eat thier meals out of the house, not that hard is it?

As a complete carnivore I have happily hosted vegans and been hosted by them with no issues. If it's only a night or 2 I can forego milk in my tea.

However it wouldn't work for my DC (one autistic) as the food would be so far removed from their norm it wouldn't be worth the stress. Mind you eating anywhere away from home is stressful for them!

I think a breezy message on first contact would be fine: 'we'd love to have you to stay, remember we're a vegan household so please don't bring any non-vegan foods/drinks with you'.

Additives in vegan food - right those in vegetables and beans you mean???
There is no ' other way round' as vegans are restricting diet part of which is already part of omnivores diets - not force feeding them something they have an ethical objection to 🙄

Do you have weekly b12 injections?

Will you have any ASD/ ND people/ children coming to stay?

They can stay elsewhere if it’s such an issue or stay there and go to Starbucks/Pret/McDonalds etc if it’s a major problem for them.

And you’d say the same thing to a Muslim poster who politely asked for alcohol or pork products to not be brought into their house, would you?

*Do you have weekly b12 injections?

I doubt many vegans do when supplements are readily available in pill form. And WTAF has that got to do with the premise of the OP’s post?

You do know that some people who are ND are vegan don’t you? They’re not just a group of people that are all the same. My autistic daughter was vegetarian and is now vegan. She would find it very easy to stay at OPs house in terms of the food.

It’s so weird that people are trying to catch OP out with ‘what about this’ or ‘what about that’. Veganism does seem to trigger some people. 😅

It'd be the tea for me (milk)

I can eat vegan and even go without alcohol (at a stretch 😂) but my tea? My first wonderful cup that sets me up for the day? just thinking about it gets me stressed!

I may or may not be overreacting according to others I realise this 😂

Would you disapprove of those fasting for Ramadan ?? Or Christians fasting for lent ???

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, you sound sensible about it. It wouldn’t be a problem for me personally, I’m veggie and eat vegan quite happily. If I was bringing my whole family to stay, it wouldn’t work due to autism related restricted eating and eating disorders in several children, but I wouldn’t be offended, I’d just stay nearby and spend time with you outside your home.

Just ‘we’d love you to come and stay, we keep a vegan house though and ask that you don’t bring animal products into the home, if that doesn’t work for you just let me know’ or similar?

Obviously people can talk about what they want! In my experience, non-vegan parents often prefer not to talk about it with their children in front of me, because the children will inevitably ask me why I don't eat animals, and unless I provide a lie (such as 'I just don't like it'), the parents will get uneasy and try to stop the conversation when the children say things like 'but the cows are treated well? And the chicken are happy? :-)

It's interesting that so many people think we'll get tired of this. From reading stuff here, I know that many people feel very strongly about having visitors stay (including family, which is very strange to me), but we genuinely like to help out, as long as people don't take the piss. And most don't, I think. I've stayed with friends and acquaintances so many times in so many places, I think it's a lovely way of helping out when I can. I've been put up overnight (literally 9pm to 8am) when I needed a bed in a foreign city, super nice of a friend of a friend to help, I brought a bottle of wine, we had a nice chat but that was it. I'm glad to now be able to help others.

But it won't be all the time of course. I imagine that we may have people staying two long weekends a month, at the most, and maybe the odd weekday night. That's fine.

An interesting point though, you say you don’t include medicines, dd has an eating disorder and is eating a (prescribed and supervised) meal plan that she can’t deviate from. Vegetarian is allowed but dairy substitutes are not. There are also nutritional supplements that are cow’s milk based.

I guess it’s unlikely that you’d encounter that scenario but just wondering how you’d view it.

Maybe I need to make it more simple for you.

As a non-vegan, I don’t routinely categorise the ingredients in everything I eat into animal vs non-animal. Therefore it would be a shift in thought process to apply it to bread products, sweets etc. Other non-vegan guests may find similar, therefore as a good host OP might like to find a way to make it easier for them.

I would give you the benefit of the doubt that you understood that already … but that would just mean you were being deliberately rude.

You can do what you want it's your house but how would you feel if you came to my house and I only served you up meat and dairy and refused to have any alternatives for you in the house? Is it really necessary to be so inflexible? You're not going to stop people who aren't vegans eating meat and dairy by doing this but you are going to make them feel judged and unwelcome. And before everyone points out 'they are welcome to stay somewhere else' I get that but I personally want to make my guests feel welcomed.

I don't think you can equate someone drinking cows milk in your cups to smoking in your house or to people with severe allergies like peanuts. You won't catch being a non vegan if you use a washed cup that had cows milk in it. Presumably you eat and drink in restaurants where there may have been meat once touching the plate.

So in answer to your question I don't think there's a way you could say it that wouldn't get my back up and make me not bother coming to see you. I absolutely believe people have a right to their own beliefs and lifestyle choices but anyone who tries to police mine can get stuffed.