Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

Would just make me think you were cranks tbh! (And you've invited comment in your opening post, I'm just saying what I'd be thinking - I wouldn't openly say it to you!)

But yeah, just a polite message to say you're a strict vegan household so please don't bring non vegan foods into the house if that's ok ... I'm sure all will be fine with that

But where are you drawing a line here? Is it ok for your guests to wear leather shoes for example?

And yeah, I'm vegan but not so prescriptive with what others do

When the topic of staying with you comes up, just mention it then. It doesn’t needs to be a big deal and if it’s a problem, they can pay for a hotel.

Try reading the thread!

Just tell people when arrangements are being made. If it doesn’t bother them they will come. If it does then they won’t. Doesn’t seem fair to be making any judgements about their respect or lack thereof of your values as a result. People are presumably going on holiday or a break and want to enjoy themselves. If they choose not to stay with you because they want milk in their tea that’s fine surely? If you told me I wouldn’t stay with you, not because I don’t respect your values but because I want to chill out and do my thing on holiday, not your thing.

Even for one night.
They could always pop out for an eggy breakfast surely?

I’d be fine with everything apart from not having milk for my coffee! I expect I’d be terrible company of a morning without my caffeine fix..

If it were me, I'd like the heads up and would ideally like it if my hosts asked me whether I'd have any issues with particular substitutes. Quorn really disagrees with me and I prefer almond milk in tea as I find oat milk makes me feel a bit queasy. But I'd be happy to bring vegan pastries for breakfast, love nut butters and would contribute other things for dinners etc to be helpful. I'd happily cook veggie pasta etc for my kids to make life easy. It's just easier to know in advance.

One night maybe. But they would have normally eaten eggs or chicken or red meat with brown rice and veggies for dinner.

Thank you for all the interesting comments! I mainly exist in a very eco-green-philosophically-minded environment, so some comments are very strange to me!

A few comments have touched upon what people could eat away from home - obviously people do whatever they want then, and if someone would prefer not to have breakfast in our home and go to Starbucks for a meat sandwich and coffee with cow's milk, feel free to. But in our home we like to be able to avoid seeing/being confronted with the massive suffering caused by such practices - I guess that is the basic reason for this choice (and this is is something I write here, but am not interested in explaining to friends and family).

Oh, we'd check preferences for non-cow's milk for sure, if any. We're not big on fake meat so hardly ever have quorn or similar and are quite good at cooking for non-vegans generally :-)

Honestly, if someone was offering me a free billet in London I’d follow any food rules you like!

Your trouble may arise if people have children, as some parents are very inflexible and put their kids’ needs first at all times.

Vegan “pretend” food is not very nice as a rule - burned on my tastebuds is the vegan smoked salmon I had once - think luminous scarlet flattened PlayDoh - but a plate of vegetables, just fine. People can eat out if they really can’t tolerate being parted from pepperoni for one evening.

Just say at point of invitation, “Just to mention, we are strict vegans and no animal products may cross our threshold - thanks!”

It wouldn't matter to me that you are vegan but I wouldn't be staying at your house because it wouldn't feel comfortable for me. I wouldn't ask or expect you to fit in with me, I would just stay somewhere else.

I must admit, I might sneak in some mini UHT milk pots and surreptitiously bung it in my coffee, and then hide the evidence !

Just say at point of invitation, “Just to mention, we are strict vegans and no animal products may cross our threshold - thanks!”

It's not no animal products though, it's no edible animal products. If OP says the above she will never have any visitors at all.

Presumably all your guests know you are vegan so it won’t be a surprise. Maybe frame it as a kind offer- “as you know we are a vegan household so don’t have anything animal-derived in the house. We have oat milk for your coffee but let me know if you prefer almond” or something.

I’m an omnivore and would be absolutely fine with this and I’d much rather be told than get it wrong accidentally.

my Dds inlaws are vegan and they just tell people that they just have vegan food in their house,and everyone is find with this.

It's not a big a deal as you are making up in your head don't tie yourself in knots just be straight, people will either respect you or not and the nots will just have to find alternative accommodation if they want to visit.

Congratulations OP what a great way to make sure you are not inundated with visitors 😂

That sounds lovely! I was thinking more of those who drank milk. I couldn't have separated my toddler from his milk easily!

@Carriemac No need to worry about that! In a previous location (popular city abroad) we had many gentle questions but didn't have space for anyone other than occasionally close friends and family. Still a reality check to see that there are some people with high demands when they are staying with other people :-) But good to see that it appears to be a non-issue to most people that we just need to be clear about.

Sneaking cow's milk in would of course be a major break of trust. An ex-friend of mine 'sneaked in' meatballs when she stayed in my flat when I was away. I really lost my respect for her.

My concern would be things like wine or with sugar in. Those don't say how the product was made and they can use animal by products as part of the process. But I would check with you first as i'd want to bring a bottle of wine for my hosts.
I would be delighted to have a free place to stay in London. In fact, I may start stalking OP to befriend her.

I think you are being very generous! I for one would not mind forgoing a cows milk, or any sort of meat/cheese or whatever . Its your home after all .Otherwise they can stay at the premier Inn!

Would a small fridge in the guest room for milk be okay?

I had weetabix with oats milk occasionally-that's nice. The latte sachets maybe vegan?

I'd find it a bit odd if I couldn't bring stuff with me to consume in my room (chocolate or milk etc) but wouldn't expect to consume in front of others.

Mention that you don’t allow non vegan food in your house when they ask to stay. If they don’t like it and can’t do without ham or cows milk in their tea when in your house, then they can choose to stay elsewhere.

I don’t think you need to make a whole song and dance of it in advance! Just drop a friendly text as and when people arrange to stay.

”Can’t wait to see you, just a heads up that we only have vegan food and drink in the house, totally understand if you’d prefer to eat out if you don’t fancy it!”

Would a small fridge in the guest room for milk be okay?

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

What happens OP if you stay at non vegan friends' houses - if they say no vegan food allowed in our house 😃?