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Original poster

I've just returned from a week's holiday with the in-laws. Never ever ever again.

138 replies

sandyballs · 03/07/2006 13:27

I need at least another week's holiday to get over it. How I managed to stay reasonably calm and not give her a serious bollocking, I will never know. The woman is completely barking. A few examples:

  • when we arrived at our holiday cottage she was flaked out on the sofa, fanning herself, in a foul mood because she "doesn't do travelling". It was Hampshire FFS, not Australia. It was 2 hours in the car!

  • she is manically, obsessively tidy. I couldn't go for a pee without her plumping up my cushion or putting my half finished coffee in the dish washer.

  • she didn't like my DDs to get a single speck of dirt on them the entire holiday and everything had to coordinate. She would whip off a t-shirt if she saw a crumb on it. Unfortunately this wound me up so much that it made me go to the opposite extreme and I took them to quite a smart restaurant in grubby purple shorts, long stripey yellow socks, and a green t-shirt with a bit of lunch on it, just to piss her off. It worked .

  • she decided to go for a swim when we were at the beach one day, even though she can't actually swim. The result being that I had to swim out to rescue her in my shorts and t-shirt, whilst my DDs screamed hysterically at the waters edge, thinking nana was drowning. I had no other clothes with me, but MIL didn't want to go back to our cottage, she was too traumatised, so we had to sit on the beach for another 2 hours and talk about her near-miss and how she saw a white light .

  • on the last morning I wandered into the kitchen, reached for the bread and she screamed "What are you doing". "Err, having some toast", I replied. So she screamed "Noooo you're not, I've cleaned the grill", and she slapped my hand .

God I could go on and on .... it's endless. I won't bore you any more, but it's been quite therapeutic writing this.

OP posts:
aitch71 · 05/07/2006 12:14

My MIL (who haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaates me) is practically phobic about chewing and insisted on being served roast chicken - which she sucks to oblivion - on our wedding day. We were in Rome, so for the rest of our guests the meal was very antipasti-tastic plus risotto, roast beef etc, but the queen of misery just sat there slurping on chicken. Not the skin, though, obviously, because she 'might get fat'. (Too late! she is fat). This said to the bride (moi) while poking me in my somewhat well-upholstered rib cage. Would've really knocked my confidence had DH not primed me on what a silly cow she is.

And people ask me why i am doing Baby-led weaning, honestly, my poor child is already cursed with the genetic inheritance of a woman who still gags at lumps at the age of 63!

got to say, sandyballs, yours sounds worse. at least my DH has had the good sense to fall out with her now, so we only get one guilt-inducing letter in with the birthday card 'to a very special son'. you can imagine the sort of thing... 'life's too short, and as soon as you apologise for your terrible behaviour you can have your mum back in your life again. i'm the only mum you've got, the only woman you'll ever truly love etc etc'. Gruesome, but at least we don't have to see her in person any more...
keep 'em coming SB, and what a diva your MIL has been about the handbag. not fun. although did LOL at the white light. if only...

crunchie · 05/07/2006 12:38

These are cracking me up, I thought my holiday with teh MIL was bad. But it had nothing ion yours.

We booked a ski-ing holiday, said to in-laws it was cheap and cheerful as we wanted to see if DD's would like it. In-laws decided to come too. Arrived and MIL said, 'Oh is this a hostel, I thought we were meantto be in a hotel'! She moaned about the food, all inclusive 3 courses as 'they could have done something with the presentation' It was spag bol FFS

Finally ended up with me and her having a row, she walked off and dh went to speak to her, when he couldn't get a word in edgeways he said 'For F**KS SAKE' and that was it, her dear son had sworn at her!!! She would never get over it, he needed to go on anger management courses, he was NOT NORMAL. In fact it took weeks before she would speak to us properly again, even though he apologised time and time again I guess it was about 6 months before he was forgiven.

He didn't swear AT HER, he just swore, IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!!!! basically he was at the end of his tether and she still worried what others thought, more than how upset her family was. All the woman cared about was what others thought about her family, not how happy her family were.

SILLY OLD BINT!!

However dh loves his mother and although he says how awful she is, he threw it at me the other day when I bitched about her!

Thomcat · 05/07/2006 12:44

Another one who thinks the white light thing is hysterical.
Sorry you're exhausted by it all sandyballs but thanks for sharing, great lunch time reading

saadia · 05/07/2006 12:49

this is so funny, sandyballs you keep reporting on her as it's therapeutic for you and highly entertaining for us .

teabags · 05/07/2006 12:53

oh dear, it strikes a chord with me and my in laws

when on hols with them they referred to my poor DH needing his sleep because he works so hard etc..........and I was still getting up in the night to bf

my inlaws also insist on booking the very cheapest hotels and then complain when it isn't up to scratch

LiliLaTigresse · 05/07/2006 12:58

really loving the white light story, classic!!
I have never had to go on hols with ILs thank goodness, but MIL has this irritating habit when visiting of looking mildly shocked whenever I offer her a drink before dinner (by then I really need one...), but then happily drowning a few glasses anyway...
She also always says that I make too much food for dinner
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

still, your MIL is definitely completely barking and over the top
Horrible about the handbag though

keyboard · 05/07/2006 13:01

I pmsl the first time I heard this joke...

What's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?

Out-laws are wanted!

sugarfree · 05/07/2006 13:06

Hahahahaha!My MIL always says I make far too much food and then give her helpings that are far too much but she always clears her plate.Over the years I've started to make her helpings bigger and bigger just to see what happens.She now eats helpings bigger than DH.
I once got a left over piece of choc cake out for dessert for my ds1,2 and 3,along with 3 forks and three plates.The boys started whinging that they were only going to get small pieces and she piped up with.."Well,if it makes it any easier,I'll just have a tiny sliver!"
And she bloody well did too,my face must have been a picture trying to slice a 2" wide wedge of cake into 4!

Bugsy2 · 05/07/2006 13:21

Thank heavens I'm divorced!!!
She sounds barking Sandyballs. Surely that has to be the last "holiday" you go on with your Outlaws?
Think you need to constantly remind them about your heroic life-saving moment - particularly when they are making such an over-the-top fuss about a safely found handbag!

suejonez · 05/07/2006 13:23

Completelt agree Bugsy2, being single does have its attractions!

Could you apply for some kind of bravery award for saving her (or knock one up on the computer) and hang it prominantly in your hallway?

spangles · 05/07/2006 14:11

LOL sugarfree.. surely she could have done without chocolate cake and let the kids have it... tight cow.

snowleopard · 05/07/2006 14:22

Sandyballs, I have to say I can see where your DD1 was coming from. Who wouldn't try it on when everything gets such an entertaining reaction from your MIL? Hilarious.

sugarfree · 05/07/2006 14:28

I know Spangles,I know,especially as there were 6 of us at the table and I only got out 3 forks and plates.There was no mention of it being for the adults,we'd all had some the night before.I still bring up "AND YOUR MOTHER TOOK THE CAKE OUT OF MY BABYS' MOUTHS!!!" now and again.
I would tell you about The Mashed Potato Incident of 2005 when we almost had to get the UN involved but it would take far too long.

saadia · 05/07/2006 15:02

mashed potato incident sounds intriguing [pleading smile emoticon]

tribpot · 05/07/2006 15:16

sandyballs, have been keeping my mother updated with this thread, as your MIL sounds very much like her husband's first wife. This woman insisted on going to look after her dd when she had her dd but then arrived and said "oh I can't possibly do any housework, it will make me too tired". Recently she accused some of her grandchildren of 'maliciously' messing up some books in the library of their house, which doubles as the kids' games rooms. I think all they had done was push some of the books backwards so they were no longer lined up neatly on the edge of the shelf, but she acted like these children were untamed monsters who should be taken out back and shot. (The mothers of these children were all spitting mad about this).

What astounds me is that these people are parents themselves. Don't want the kids messing with the expensive books? Don't put the effing games in the library then!

Crackle · 05/07/2006 15:27

We took our PIL to a lovely gite in France. When the elegant and sophisticated owner arrived to talk me through the workings of the house, my FIL started to mimic her as if she couldn't hear him. He followed us from room to room acting as if he was drunk (he later said that she smelled of booze which she certainly did not)and he kept making disparaging remarks about the (gorgeous) decor.

I think that he thought she could only speak French but when we finished chatting about how to work the waste disposal she turned and stroked the side of his face.

My FIL was incandescent with rage when I told him that the owner was sympathising with him about his 'brain injury'.

My FIL is an extremely annoying person. He made me cry the last time he stayed here for no apparent reason. It's a knack.

moondog · 05/07/2006 18:39

sugarfree,please open up re mashed Potato Incident!

spangles · 05/07/2006 19:17

Sugarfreeeeee where are you... come on we cant handle the suspense. Whats this about the mashed potato?

sugarfree · 05/07/2006 19:21

No,honestly it would take all night.

moondog · 05/07/2006 19:22

Come on
Abridged version.

MrsJohnCusack · 05/07/2006 19:23

mashed potato, mashed potato please

Have already ranted on here about how we told MIL I was pregnant a week ago and she had hysterics, cried, and didn't come down to London as planned this weekend as it was Too Hot (and we shouldn't have shared the news with here before they came, for some reason).
Last year we went to stay and she delighted in telling us how FIL went to the doctor for depression and came back with Viagra - 'I mean it's going to be such a shock, from nothing to being leapt on'. nice picture there MIL

Crackle · 05/07/2006 19:25

My FIL made a point of buying durex on the cross channel ferry. The shop was really crowded and he had to ask for them.

Puke.

spangles · 05/07/2006 19:26

come on sugarfree... the sooner you get typing the sooner you will finish

LeahE · 05/07/2006 19:28

Mashed Potato! Mashed Potato!

MrsJohnCusack · 05/07/2006 19:29

I hope the silence is Sugarfree typing....