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I've just returned from a week's holiday with the in-laws. Never ever ever again.

138 replies

sandyballs · 03/07/2006 13:27

I need at least another week's holiday to get over it. How I managed to stay reasonably calm and not give her a serious bollocking, I will never know. The woman is completely barking. A few examples:

  • when we arrived at our holiday cottage she was flaked out on the sofa, fanning herself, in a foul mood because she "doesn't do travelling". It was Hampshire FFS, not Australia. It was 2 hours in the car!

  • she is manically, obsessively tidy. I couldn't go for a pee without her plumping up my cushion or putting my half finished coffee in the dish washer.

  • she didn't like my DDs to get a single speck of dirt on them the entire holiday and everything had to coordinate. She would whip off a t-shirt if she saw a crumb on it. Unfortunately this wound me up so much that it made me go to the opposite extreme and I took them to quite a smart restaurant in grubby purple shorts, long stripey yellow socks, and a green t-shirt with a bit of lunch on it, just to piss her off. It worked .

  • she decided to go for a swim when we were at the beach one day, even though she can't actually swim. The result being that I had to swim out to rescue her in my shorts and t-shirt, whilst my DDs screamed hysterically at the waters edge, thinking nana was drowning. I had no other clothes with me, but MIL didn't want to go back to our cottage, she was too traumatised, so we had to sit on the beach for another 2 hours and talk about her near-miss and how she saw a white light .

  • on the last morning I wandered into the kitchen, reached for the bread and she screamed "What are you doing". "Err, having some toast", I replied. So she screamed "Noooo you're not, I've cleaned the grill", and she slapped my hand .

God I could go on and on .... it's endless. I won't bore you any more, but it's been quite therapeutic writing this.

OP posts:
sandyballs · 03/07/2006 14:04

She doesn't like yellow . Made me want to redecorate the entire house .

OP posts:
Carmenere · 03/07/2006 14:05

Seriously? She cried because you painted a room in your house a colour she diddn't like She sounds bonkers!!

bran · 03/07/2006 14:06

Hmmm, I'm thinking yellow car, yellow clothes on the children for special occasions (like visiting mil), yellow flowers in the garden, yellow front door. It's a nice cheery colour isn't it?

sandyballs · 03/07/2006 14:09

Yep! I kept emphasising the fact that it was OUR LOUNGE, not hers.

Marina - I like that, gargoyle . She paid for the whole thing. She's very generous, just completely mad. She's always going on about her sex life, or lack of. Apparently her and her hubbie stopped getting it on during their 40's and she makes no secret of the fact, much to her hubbies embarrassment . And mine, uggggh. She even likes to tell complete strangers that she's been celibate for 20 years but misses it. Maybe that's her problem, she needs a good seeing to .

OP posts:
Dior · 03/07/2006 14:17

Message withdrawn

Miaou · 03/07/2006 19:20

Oh, I am so glad I found this thread, I am crying with laughter, just so sorry it is at your expense Sandyballs!! Am happily bumping this for the evening crows to read

Miaou · 03/07/2006 19:22

evening crowd

Piffle · 03/07/2006 19:34

PMsl Sandy I'm sorry but that story is fantastic and you told it so well
Never was there a better time to stand at the waters edge begging God, if only I could swim...

NotQuiteCockney · 03/07/2006 19:35

This is absolutely hilarious. More examples of your MIL, sandyballs! She sounds lovely! (Well, from a distance. She sounds horrid from up close.)

Gobbledigook · 03/07/2006 19:43

Oh GOd this is soooo funny!

Eek, I'm on holiday with my outlaws in August!! Did it once before a few years ago and itwas hell - we were all in one cottage then but this year we are in separate ones so hopefully it will be OK. She is babysitting while we go to Rick Stein's though so best not complain!

moondog · 03/07/2006 20:33

GDG

Gobbledigook · 03/07/2006 20:36

Am very excited!!!

arfishymeau · 04/07/2006 03:51

PMSL at white light!

She's not into amateur operatics is she?

joelallie · 04/07/2006 07:37

at the wine thing!!! I feel your pain......

Nightmare woman! Perhaps you suggest she takes up sea swimming regularly.

roisin · 04/07/2006 07:59

This is so funny
Great writing - I love your style!
(Sorry you had a grim 'holiday' though Sandyballs. We've been on holiday with outlaws once - five years ago, and still not forgotten!)

tribpot · 04/07/2006 08:15

Fantastic, I wish you could stand to see more of her, you could have a regular column reporting on her insanities.

Blackduck · 04/07/2006 09:14

SB - love the outfit!! - purple, yellow and green - migraine inducing

doobydoo · 04/07/2006 09:28

...white light,alcohol and your choice of outfit!

Tommy · 04/07/2006 09:33

we did the in-laws holiday once when DS1 was about 6m - never again. I told DH that if he really wanted to go with them again then we would but he doesn't either!
Have been asked every year since and always found an excuse. this year, we weren't even asked so Iguess the message must have got through by now

hockeymum · 05/07/2006 10:22

AAARGH - reading this and it is very funny. But TOTALLY the wrong time to read it, I'm going to Centerparcs on Monday with the in-laws!! Help ME!!!!! I know it will end in tears (mine) and tight lips (hers!) Still, at least its Centreparcs and I can run off for a swim when she annoys me!

sandyballs · 05/07/2006 11:19
  • glad it made you all laugh, she really is barking isn't she. I was about to start a new thread about her this morning, after yet another "incident", but then thought I should add it to this.

She collected my DDs from school on Monday and took them back to our house until DH arrived home from work. When the time came for her to leave she couldn't find her handbag anywhere. She searched the house, DDs helped to look and DH joined in. They kept asking the DDs if they had seen it, "No, definitely not", they kept replying. FIL was getting all stressed thinking she had left it in the supermarket, so eventually they drove off to look for it there. As soon as they had gone, DD1 produced it from behind her dolls house . DH went berserk, we gave her a good talking to about lying and hiding things and she isn't getting any treats or pocket money this week. End of, or so I thought. DH rang his parents to tell them and MIL sobbed down the 'phone for about 10 minutes, then FIL grabbed the 'phone from her and shouted for another 10 minutes. I can understand they were cross with her and very worried about credit cards, house keys etc, although DD would not have had any concept of all that as she is just 5.

Anyway, we kept the handbag overnight and I drove over there yesterday morning after the school run to return it. MIL answered the door in floods of tears and said she hadn't slept a wink, been crying all night , couldn't believe that DD would do such a thing. FIL was pacing up and down the garden still very very angry about the whole thing.

Now I know she was silly and naughty but is this a massive massive over-reaction or am I not taking it seriously enough? I'm stunned at the way this has got so out of proportion.

I knew I shouldn't have rescued the old bat from the sea .

OP posts:
JackieNo · 05/07/2006 11:23

She's such a drama queen. Poor you , but also . Glad you can see the funny side of it.

Blu · 05/07/2006 11:29

Sandyballs - I'm starting a list to help you choose a holiday next year.
Here are some beaches I know of where it is very dangerous to swim at certain times:
Wells-next-the sea, in the channel on an outgoing tide.
Blakeney point, when the tide is flowing or ebbing fast
To cross the channesl at Stiffkey, and get cut off when the tide comes in.
All these are in Norfolk. Lovely scenery.

sandyballs · 05/07/2006 11:42

, thanks Blu.

OP posts:
moondog · 05/07/2006 11:44

Sandy,will expect regular amusing updates henceforth.
Psml at your dd.