Charged as a plus one?

[plusoneguest]

I’ve been invited as a plus one to support a friend at an event. The whole plan was sharing their room, in the same bed. I don’t think they are being charged for the room as it’s a whole venue hire. She’s just asked me to pay, I thought I was a guest but actually I’m paying to be there. The travel, gift and new outfit are other costs I’m incurring. The amount is equivalent to staying in a hotel for two nights but Im pretty sure she’s pocketing the money which feels like shes making money from me. Is she a cf? Should I try to pay the host directly? Should I write it off as I’ll be fed and have a shared bed. It’s not the cost really it’s the feeling I’m being taken from.

is it a wedding? If so, she’s probably paying for the hotel room

look up the cost of the hotel so you know if you’re paying half or all of the room
cost

if you don’t want to pay, jysy say on second thoughts, I actually cannot afford all this, need to drop out. Sorry

Just say you’ll pay the hotel direct and see how she responds?

Or say you didn’t realise there was a charge and now you don’t want to go?

It is one of “those” friendships

ie you both hate each other but don’t have any other friends so rely on each other

There is no individual room charge it’s a whole venue hire. Usually you would pay for your room and that’s fine, but I don’t think she’s being charged but seems like she’s taking my money herself.

Just say "in that case I cant attend. Hope you enjoy it"

Ask her what she has been billed for.

I’ve realised we have differences, this event has been planned a while and I probably would have cooled off more. This is a final straw scenario.

Who is hiring out the venue? Ie who is paying for it?

So as a pp said, tell her you can’t afford to go if you’re paying for a hotel room on top of an outfit, travel and present.

If it’s a wedding there is often still a charge for the room.. However given she would be paying for a room anyway I don’t think it’s fair to ask you to pay and she should have been upfront about costs before you agreed to go. I’d personally say it’s too expensive and decline.

She said the room and to pay her directly. I’m sure her family are not charging her.

What you are implying here is that your friend is essentially a thief!

Do you not see how utterly weird that is to be in a friendship where that would remotely be a possibility??!!

So incredibly bizarre some of these “friendships” I read about on Mumsnet

The hosts, I’m trying not to be too outing.

Just say you will sort out your own accommodation and get a taxi in if needed.

Just be outing. It's a lot easier than mysterious vague descriptions.

Plus it’s obviously a wedding.

I fully agree. The last event I paid her for something in full and she later mentioned a discount she had not passed on. I called her out but she didn’t return the difference. I agree it’s theft, I’m really upset and feeling taken advantage of if this is the case.

I mean it could be, in which case she is massively cheeky but sil did a whole venue hire for her wedding and then guests were charged £270 per room to stay at the venue and then the room hire was taking off sils final bill. We declined and said we would stay in a hotel nearby (we did not have much money then) but Pil paid for our room.

Id just say you can’t afford it your friend can either fallout with you and you drop out the wedding or she suvks it up and pays.

This is a pretty simple one. She may or may not be being charged directly but is being a cf asking you to pay either way. I’d just say.

“Jane, you asked me to come to your sister’s wedding as your plus one to support you. It never occurred to me you’d be looking for me to pay towards the room you already have been allocated. I don’t have budget for that, particularly as I need to buy an outfit. Happy to step back from attending if better for you.”

then cool off the whole friendship.

So, the "support" your "friend" wants is merely financial.

if you are a plus one why are you buying a gift as well?

OP it sounds like you need to cut this person loose.

I’ve been to a few family weddings with whole venue hire. Still had to pay for my room.

What does being so unkind give you?

If she has form for lying to get money then I’d not want to pay it either. Could you phone the venue and ask about the room fees if any? If they say it’s already been taken care of then you’ll know she was making money from you and you can withdraw. In that situation I’d message saying , I just spoke to the venue and they said there is nothing to pay? I don’t want to go now, sorry,

Sorry but I don't share a bedroom with anyone nor a bed.

Definitely wouldn't be going. But it sounds like you aren't as good pals so I wouldn't be committing more time and money.