Charged as a plus one?

[plusoneguest]

I’ve been invited as a plus one to support a friend at an event. The whole plan was sharing their room, in the same bed. I don’t think they are being charged for the room as it’s a whole venue hire. She’s just asked me to pay, I thought I was a guest but actually I’m paying to be there. The travel, gift and new outfit are other costs I’m incurring. The amount is equivalent to staying in a hotel for two nights but Im pretty sure she’s pocketing the money which feels like shes making money from me. Is she a cf? Should I try to pay the host directly? Should I write it off as I’ll be fed and have a shared bed. It’s not the cost really it’s the feeling I’m being taken from.

Just say no. I wouldn’t go and share a bed with her anyway as it sounds like you don’t like her

As PP says, look up the room rates and see what you are being charged for. I would only expect to pay (if anything!) the difference between single occupancy and double occupancy and most hotels just charge per room so that would be nothing

Similar here. A family member did a whole venue hire (it was multiple cabins/cottages) for a wedding but then asked if people would pay per room (they only requested it, so no idea what happened for those that couldn't/wouldn't pay). We sent the money directly to the through a wedding registry (which they only shared if asked).

So…. Leave the thread and end this “friendship” that sounds like the beginning of a Netflix crime documentary

Just pull out, you can’t trust her so there’s no friendship here.

Yes, I think it’s coming to this.

@Xannygum might have phrased it a bit harshly but I don't disagree. I've always thought that if an alien race was trying to compile a dictionary of the English language they'd think friend meant person you don't like but are compelled to be in contact with. OP no friends is better than putting up with a bad friend.

Politely decline the invitation. You are not obligated to attend.

Seems a really odd type of friendship.
Why in earth would you be willing to share a bed with a ‘friend’ under the circumstances? When you think she’s ripping you off???

If you are doing this solely as a favour, and it sounds like you are, just tell her.
"Im doing this as a favour. I dont know the people getting married. Either you pay or im not going!"

I agree too, it’s just recently that a few things have made me realise.

If you don't want to be friends with her then don't. But its normal to pay for the room still when the venue has been paid for normally the bride and groom will say we have 25 rooms they are £200 each for whoever wants one

This is entirely the point of the post.

@plusoneguest
I'd tell her a condensed version of your OP and updates.

"Sorry x, I'm going to have to drop out of the event, it's working out far too expensive.
I was under the impression that as your family had hired and paid for the whole venue your room was paid for.
I didn't realise you'd planned to charge me to share your room.
Have a lovely time"

Drop out and stick to it, shes a chancer, cut her off

Yes, exactly! 😃

See also introvert, which is used on Mn to mean ‘misanthrope’.

Don’t go!

Good to know. It would be easier if I was properly billed. It does highlight that I don’t trust her anymore.

Guests still pay even when the whole venue is booked out; That's the way it's always worked ime. It's just to stop randoms getting rooms before the families of the wedding party get a chance to book them.
However, you clearly don't like this woman, so I would cancel.

i dont think you should go - she gives you an unexpected charge and you think she is making a profit out of you.

Yes this. The couple book out the whole hotel and then family and friends are allocated rooms which they nearly always pay for themselves . Sometimes there's a discount as it's a big booking and part of the wedding package.

But you’re just her +1 — why would you be ‘billed’? But as everyone else has said, this doesn’t meet even the vaguest definition of ‘friendship’. Don’t attend, and stop hanging around with people you don’t like.

I think this is a good approach OP.
She has a real cheek asking you to pay.

you need to establish how much the room has cost her
she should have raised this in the beginning.
obviously you pay to attend a hotel

@plusoneguest I would ring the venue and ask them directly what the billing process is and cost, implying you need a copy of the bill.

I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom rented out a big venue. We did still have to pay though. I presume it was discounted but not sure the bride (my friend) just told everyone what it would be to stay there for the two nights if we wanted. It’s not always free just because they’ve paid up front