Charged as a plus one?

[plusoneguest]

I’ve been invited as a plus one to support a friend at an event. The whole plan was sharing their room, in the same bed. I don’t think they are being charged for the room as it’s a whole venue hire. She’s just asked me to pay, I thought I was a guest but actually I’m paying to be there. The travel, gift and new outfit are other costs I’m incurring. The amount is equivalent to staying in a hotel for two nights but Im pretty sure she’s pocketing the money which feels like shes making money from me. Is she a cf? Should I try to pay the host directly? Should I write it off as I’ll be fed and have a shared bed. It’s not the cost really it’s the feeling I’m being taken from.

If you were going to have to pay to attend you'd expect your own bed at least, ideally room!

I agree eoth those questioning the gift - don't get a gift for a couple you don't know.

how do you think she’ll react to you not going?

Tell her that whomever you are going with will handle any payments direct to the hotel. I take it she’s not your friend if you’re going as a plus one.
If she insists then decline.

If I were expected to pay for a share of a hotel room I'd expect my own bed at the very least. And why would a plus one be expected to buy a gift?

OP, Have you let her know you will not be able to attend the event? The sooner the better, just rip off the plaster and then let this "friendship" cool to the point of oblivion.

If the whole venue has been hired, rooms are normally offered to guests at a reduced rate. I’m sure she would have to pay

Yeah I guess it just seems as if it's a bit opaque as to what the friend wants or needs this money for. Because if you're invited to a wedding certain things are covered and certain things aren't. If they're the plus one then how will they know? It's quite unusual for guests to all chip in for venue hire in general isn't it? As opposed to paying for the room?

Personally I would not go. It is a big expense just to support her.

I would not assume that she has the room for free though. Normally it is just the Bride and Groom and both sets of parents.

If you do go you could call her bluff and ask for the bank details of the person who is hosting to transfer the money directly to them.

It’s fine to say “oh I don’t want to go enough to pay, I was just going as a favour to you. On reflection, that amount is out of my budget, so let’s not bother”.

But as others said, this is just someone you don’t trust. For nearly every wedding I’ve been to where we’ve had exclusive use of the venue, I’ve still paid for my room (usually directly to the venue, so not being ripped off by bride and groom). For some reason you don’t think this is the set up, and don’t feel comfortable paying so don’t. And separately decide if you still want to be friends with this person.

Well… in some parts of the world they have sayings such as

“even a donkey only hits his head once”

more fool you for agreeing to go.

blow her out, she’s a thief and a con artist and you know it

Regardless of whether you're right or wrong, that you even suspect your friend is trying to fleece you suggests you don't really want to remain friends.

Especially not friends close enough to share a bed!

I've never been to a wedding where the couple paid for the rooms even when they were in the same venue as the do.

My approach for your situation would be to play it dumb and blonde, message the bride or groom, or even better the hotel itself, and say "hi, I'm staying in room xxx on the (date), please can you remind me of the cost of the room? I'm sharing with my friend and I'm too embarrassed to ask her again, I just want to send over the money ASAP so she's not out of pocket. really looking forward to the wedding!"

To which the hotel could say "it's all included in the package, it's usually £75 per room but please talk with the hirers" or the bride/groom could say "you're staying with Celeste aren't you? that tight arsed witch! we're covering the cost of the rooms so you don't owe her anything! so glad you can make it. x" or "it's usually £150 but we got a special deal so it's only £80 for the night in those rooms so you only need to pay £40"

Whatever, don't let it slide, it sounds like she's taken advantage of you before so I'd distance myself in the future.

For completely clarity I would contact the venue and ask what the room charge is in relation to the event and who to pay - then I would tackle ‘friend’(anyone rember the My Best Feind books..?!) and say what you’ve been told, call her out once and for all and move on without them. She may be innocent (although you make it sound doubtful..) and if you do decide to go and do indeed owe money on a shared room and she is the person to pay then I would pay your share minus what she owed you for the undeclared discount last time. Any which way, you need to move away from this friendship

If its a whole venue wedding it is still likely she is paying for the room.
However, if you are only being invited by her as a plus 1 'for support' i would assume she would cover the cost of the hotel room.
I guess she must be charging you half the room which is a bit tight. If you don't want to pay just say you dont think you'll attend and suggest she asks a different friend.
It is strange you are suggesting she is trying to scam you for the whole cost??? Does she have any form for this? I cant imagine thinking a friend would do this. If you genuinely think she may be doing this, I'd get your facts straight with the hotel, then make your excuses and let the friendship fade.

Lots of times as well if you are say going to your siblings wedding -your own parents may treat you to the hotel room.

so yes someone pays for the room. But not necessarily the friend who you are sharing with.

bit really it should cost you nothing to attend this and no expectation of a gift-those costs belong to the invited one.

That 1st paragraph is perfect.

She had previously told me she was being gifted the room. I’ve now been told by her to pay this figure that the hosts are suddenly charging, but directly to her. I understood I was crashing in with her and was going to gift the equivalent cost of my food etc to the hosts.

WTF

I'd be tempted to call her bluff and say you've paid the money directly to the hosts.

well, call her out on that?

Say "oh, weird, you said on XXX date, that you had the room for free, what am i paying for?"

Just say it’s all costing you too much so you’ve decided not to go.

Hi Jane - I’m afraid I now cannot attend the event for reasons which I have no intention of discussing.
im sure you will have no problem finding someone else to accompany you.
Regards
@plusoneguest

I think this goes to the heart of it. Were it someone you knew and liked, I suspect you'd have no issue with splitting the room cost (and wouldn't be requiring an invoice or to book direct with the hotel etc). But the trust has gone and the friendship run its course - and the splitting of the room costs has brought this realisation to the fore (sp?)

what a horrible comment

Do not pay her. The onus was on her to tell you if there was a charge when she invited you.

Don't let her profit off you.

The friendship is over anyway.

OP could tell her 'You didn't tell me there would be a cost when you invited me so I don't have the money.'

Or OP can wait until the event is over and get home first,