Charged as a plus one?

[plusoneguest]

I’ve been invited as a plus one to support a friend at an event. The whole plan was sharing their room, in the same bed. I don’t think they are being charged for the room as it’s a whole venue hire. She’s just asked me to pay, I thought I was a guest but actually I’m paying to be there. The travel, gift and new outfit are other costs I’m incurring. The amount is equivalent to staying in a hotel for two nights but Im pretty sure she’s pocketing the money which feels like shes making money from me. Is she a cf? Should I try to pay the host directly? Should I write it off as I’ll be fed and have a shared bed. It’s not the cost really it’s the feeling I’m being taken from.

"Hey, im so sorry to hear youre being messed around like this :( i remember you telling me you were being gifted the room and there was no charge so its massively shitty to have costs dropped on you now. Unfortunately due to that, I now can't come as i can't cover the costs so you'll need to find someone else to go in my place. Really sorry to hear they'vetreated you this way and put you in a crappy position :("

^calls our the shitty behaviour while letting her save face as the victim. You can then fade out from her life.

I agree with this.
Can't make it, good luck.
No further discussion.

She's a user grifter.

Or “enemy”!

tell her you thought the host was covering the room cost so it would only cost you travel and a gift, this isn't ow unaffordable so you will be unable to attend

Even if I was paying for the room to attend my family member's event/celebration, I wouldn't charge my plus 1.

This 'friend' needs releasing back into the wild OP. Life will feel far nicer without her in it.

I do enjoy these CF posts though, mostly because I have never encountered anything like what is reported here.

@plusoneguest This is the way I would play it if it were me. No need to have a major argument etc over the head of it. This reply is perfect as @NopeNotThat says.

For what it's worth, although it may just be possible she is telling the truth, I personally wouldn't believe a word of it to be honest. Just call off and then fade the friendship out

I can understand somebody wanting a friend to "accompany" them to a family wedding as a +1, but why would somebody need the +1 to "support" them at the wedding?

Doesn't their family like them?

Red flag from the outset

I don't think anyone can fully advise on here, we don't what the event is, or anything about your friends past behaviour.

It is obvious that you have a gut feeling that she's being economical with the truth, and possibly profiting from you. On that basis, trust your instinct, cancel the event and fade her out.

Tell said friend it’s her cost and she either pays or you won’t go . Wow that’s just awful

Circumstances may well have changed for the hosts, and they may now be unable to 'gift' the cost of the hotel rooms. However, if your 'friend' is going she'd have to covering the full cost herself if she hadn't asked you to be her Plus 1, so asking you is CF territory. Its fine if you wanted to offer to go halves with her (ofc you'd need to have an idea of cost), but to just expect it from you isn't on. Pull out of the event and says its become too expensive for you to attend.

Don't go with the cost as an excuse, OP. She will likely just offer to cover it and you'll have to think of something else. DaisyDooley's approach is much better.

If you don't have mutual friends or some other reason to be around her other than the "friendship", you could be very direct and blow the whole thing up, which has the advantage of making it clear that the whole friendship is over. Say something along the lines of - After that trick with the discount where you pocketed my money and now suddenly you're not having the room gifted and I have to pay you cash, I've realised I don't trust you any more. So I won't be coming. Please don't contact me again.

Though I would only do this if you think she's got a relatively stable personality. Some of the things you describe (the needing "support" at a family event, stealing from you, chaotic arrangements) sound like the sorts of things common in people with what are often termed personality disorders. And it's probably better to fade out with someone like that.

Just tell her you cant afford it and you assumed it was already covered as you are out of pocket already and only going to support her.

Usually people hire the whole venue and the guests get a discounted room rate , I’ve had that a couple of weddings . Is she charging for the whole room and possibly staying for free ?

‘I only agreed to be the plus one because the room was free. Sorry, I’m dropping out. Out of interest, how come it’s now costing you?’

Even if I was a plus one at someone else's event and they were paying, I would still not expect to. You are their guest. Just back out. You don't need to say why.

You are hardly going to be outing. Thousands of weddings occur every year!

I think that this pair of friends probably are quite identifiable

Wouldn't be a friend after that!

She was already expecting you to spend a lot of money to buy a gift for her family member, which is itself a bit strange considering you were just there to support her. And now she wants you to either subsidize her room cost or help her profit off the room cost. If a friend of mine invited me to their family's wedding to "support" them, I would expect it to be free for me. I would definitely not expect to pay for the inconvenience.

So it sounds like you are staying somewhere for the weekend and being fed. She was the invited guest and someone in her family is paying the bill (parents, sister and partner, whoever). Is it not possible that the host is a bit fed up with you essentially gate crashing and getting a free stay and meals and has said to her, hold up, we’re happy to pay for you but not your third wheel mate. She needs to contribute and it will cost xx if she wants to come.

Why would you pay for an event you are only going to to support the friend…they bear the costs ..you give the support and time.

Really hope you have decided not to subsidise them.

That’s a weird take when OP has listed her costs including the meals …she was asked to go as support..that’s not gate crashing.

Contact the other person who you think is letting her have it for free and

why do you think is free?

You must be quite close friends, if she is suggesting sharing a bed? And being her plus one at a family wedding? It's not the sort of thing most people would cast about for just anyone to be involved.

If you feel there is a serious risk she is putting herself in this situation just to cover her costs (and is lying about it to you) the friendship, as others have said, is dead in the water.

If there is any chance you've misunderstood, it's still dead in the water as you hate her, seemingly.

Just decline politely and walk away.

It does sound like she is lying. But I have been to a wedding before where the whole venue was hired out - well they had the option of it. One of the dads booked all the rooms and we 'bought' them from him. He actually allocated them all to fit the most amount of people then told us what we owed.