Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

I’d definitely tell him how you feel.

If he feels the same, that’s great! And you don’t need to worry about the pressure on him of you not going to Australia, because he already knows you’re in 2 minds about it.

If he doesn’t feel the same, then you can either carry on as you are. Or if it’s unbearably embarrassing, you can go to Australia!

You sound like a very cool and confident person and hats off to you for putting yourself out there with your then mate and now husband! I once told a male friend I fancied him and it was one of the most excruciatingly embarrassing moments in my life. He didn’t knock me back (although it didn’t really work out) but my toes still curl to think of it now. I was 23 and too absolutely skint to get drunk before the fessing up of feelings. Cringe.

Rather then go out some where could u not invite him over n u maybe cook? The reason i say this as then that might show ur interest to him. Does he know about ur new job lined up? If not then perhaps u could discuss it with him, good luck

Aside from your love issue what on earth will you do if you see one of those spiders out there! And you’re there on your own looking at it argghhh!!

Can you confide in him that you’ve been offered this position and then you’ll know when you see his face how he feels? Throw some alcohol in the mix and I’m sure things will naturally happen between you if he fancies you.

I wonder if this is more about your fear of leaving to move to another country you said in reply to somebody else that it's a huge move you will have to boost there that you know. Honestly I would sit down who see if the move is the problem...I think you trying to find away not to go to Australia and I totally get but thrir will always be men around but not always life changing opportunities!

Life is way too short in my opinion and if you genuinely do feel you’re in love with him, I don’t see what you’ve got to lose by testing the waters. I’d ask him if he wants to go for drinks/food, but this time be a little more open, how much you enjoy his company etc and maybe a few hints that you’re interested and gauge his reaction! If you get on a plane without trying you’ll regret it! I’m only a few pages in and felt compelled to comment, so you may have updated. If you haven’t please do! I feel invested and hopeful!

It brought to mind that brilliant episode in The Office.
I’m sure you could say to him something about the job offer but you’d really miss him and see what he says. Life is about taking up opportunities. As others have said, if he was shocked and said “ you’ve totally misread this” which sounds doubtful, you can go to Australia. Go for it. Good luck.

You probably aren't going to see him again anyway so what have you got to lose?

I agree with @LivingTheDreamish, take the job and maintain the friendship. As he's a Kiwi, he presumably goes home sometimes to see his family and if the friendship ensures, you could always meet up.

Or it may be that you decide not to stay after six months and return to the UK.

6 months is a long time when you are not actually dating someone.
It's not just the actual distance, it's the time differences that make contact harder.

I think 6 months apart would be feasible if they were already dating and semi-serious, but asking someone to continue with something very casual for 6 months is not really practical IMO.

You cannot expect a man to wait for 6 months when the relationship isn't off the ground and he may- bluntly- get other offers.

This ! Having feelings for someone isn’t embarrassing, it’s the stuff of life. If he doesn’t feel the same, that isn’t embarrassing either.
Absolutely tell him you like him.

Tell him now. See what he has to say. Then you'll have one month to decide what to do, as you can't date him and stay in the job anyway (If the move is temporary you can keep things long distance).

I don’t think telling a friend that you fancy them is quite the same as telling your boss and having to work with them for 7-8 hrs every.single.day

Why not initially just tell him you have been offered a job abroad and you are considering the offer because it's a good offer. His reaction will probably give you enough information to gauge whether to divulge anything further

He already knows she’s been offered a job, OP updated

100% tell him! No brainer.

You should seriously consider the opportunity if you want to progress your career.

These dates you are going on seem a bit strange. You are both out socially but no romantic interest from him? I think you have your answer, that he enjoys your company but he’s not interested as a romantic partner.

So let me get this straight. You fancy this guy, you had been spending time together outside work and he asks you out. You laugh at him and turn him down . Leaving aside why you would possibly do this (and not mention it to him again, even though you want to go out with him) why are you on here asking if you should tell him you like him? You already know he likes you, he asked you out. So all you need to do is ask if he meant it when he asked you out and if yes you can tell him . I mean its hardly fucking rocket science stuff is it. Sounds a really simple situation. Unless your instincts were right about initially turning him down and your now clinging to this little potential love story to give you an excuse not to go to Australia. I mean its scary emigrating to the other side of the world on your own isn't it, and this would be a great excuse not to go and be able to save face. I dont believe for a second you wouldn't have got together by now if you both wanted to.

Always better to regret things you did do rather than regret things you never tried. You might be walking away from the guy of your dreams. Ok, I’m a hopeless romantic but if it doesn’t work out you can literally escape to the other side of the world. If it does work out…this is a good problem to have 🥰

I say tell him and I have everything crossed for you.

There is your answer. New Zealand is the most beautiful country on Earth, gem up on it stat!

Tell him your feelings and suggest he moves back and take job in OZ, then move over the NZ!!😁

He did say something, though. He asked her out on on a date.

20 years from now you will regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do do.

Why did you apply for the job? Is it an internal company move? Something drew you to it

I dont get why you left out in your OP that he asked you out. It changes the whole situation quite a bit.
Ask yourself what is the real reason you are scared to tell him.
I feel like he is being very respectful for not pushing anything more intimate into the nights out you have together.

Life’s too short.. tell him!!! And report back!

Get drunk with him on premise of asking his advice because you’re torn over the job offer and want his advice.

You will know either way by the end of the evening.