Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

No (real) reason why she can't do both!

Go to Aussie and keep in touch with him, see how much he keeps In Touch with you, then you’ll know his feelings for you. Shame you turned him down when he asked you out, as he probably doesn’t know where he stands, especially if you keep in touch with him.

sorry I’m not helping. What about telling him away from work on one of your hangouts and see what he says. Say something like ‘I’ve been offered a job in Aussie but I’m torn about taking it. Tell him you really enjoy being with him. His reaction will speak volumes.

Nice problem to have !

Ha ha - that's exactly what I was remembering when reading the OP! (though I remember always being a bit disappointed Rachel got off the plane...)

IMO when a man is really into you, he would let you know by now.
He may feel the frisson with you but if he was gaga, hecwould make a move.
Take that opportunity OP.
Don't miss a huge opportunity for a man.
The biggest bullshit fallacy that women fall for is that they have one soulmate.
There are so many possibilities out there.
If you were my daughter I would advise you to go.
Men make it happen when it works for them.
Women don't seem to realise this.
A man who really wants something to work will 100% make it happen.

If he was interested in you why has he not asked you out?
Is this because work relationships are frowned upon?
Is it against the rules as he is your boss?

That could be one reason. Only you know your workplace and if that's an issue.

He DID ask her out. OP laughed it off

yes here it is - You say that, but he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down.

OP if you’re already close then I think confessing that you have romantic feelings for him would be the thing to do here. You have a friendship bond so even if he didn’t return your feelings he would likely let you down gently so you wouldn’t lose face. And then you would know, so your decision to either take the job opportunity or not would be based on fact and not supposition about what might have been.

No reason why OP can't have both

Me too. I always thought Ross was a bit wet !!

I’m with you on this. Unfortunately so
many women just throw their carers away for some guy that has no consideration for them only to end up with nothing.

You say that, but he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down

So you rejected him.

I think you need to talk to him.

If he's a decent guy your rejection would have made him back off. Especially when you work together.

Do you think OP is destined to a life of penury if she checks out whether this guy is interested in her and gives a relationship a go? It's not as if she'd be abandoning the world of work or even a stint in Australia

Quite!

I actually think this is super easy. He’s already asked you out, it’s a fairly safe bet he likes you. I also think you should accept the job, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

If you already talk outside of work and meet up, message and say you definitely need a meet up and drinks before you go, one last time…he’ll say something like “it won’t be the same without you at work”, “I’ll miss seeing you” etc etc. and that is your cue. “I know, it will be a shame won’t it, we’ve had some good times, we never did get that night out…”.

Oh man I’m almost jealous of these days, I loved a flirty text convo! I’m giddy for you!

Is he married? If not, wait few months once you move then if you still feel the same then do so.

Take the job. He’s a Kiwi so the idea of a long flight won’t scare him off. Email him once you’ve been there a month, tell him you miss him and ask him to come and visit. If he does, ❤️❤️❤️. If he doesn’t, you have your answer.

it may also be that by then the lack of proximity has allowed him to fade gracefully from your heart…

And how embarrassing he was to Rachel in her workplace when she got that job at Ralph Lauren

definitely YES tell him, and let the magic happen or not! If you don’t you’ll wonder all your life. Staying friends will be hard been on the other side of the world, especially when you see him on social media with a girlfriend. If you don’t you’ll regret, if he doesn’t feel the same at least you tried. Best of luck

This is very wise advice

Just ask him if the offer of a date is still available?
if he asks why, tell him you thought he was joking / got nervous but actually you’d like to go out on a date with him.

he asked you first, ask him back.

still Accept the job offer in Aus. It only has to be for 6 months if you choose it to be.
it’ll be good for you, he can visit if the date goes anywhere and you can come back if you want to.

Good luck either way!

Take it & go. He might end up going too, you might end up coming back .... But if you stay as you are nothing will change.
Great work getting this job give it a go

If you like him and sense something between you, you don't have to go all in and confess your undying love but love doesn't come round many times in a lifetime (if at all).

The question isn't whether he fancies you - he does, he wouldn't have asked you out or wanted to spend so much one-on-one time with you if he didn't. The question is - does he have feelings for you? & Are those feelings enough for you to stay or consider long-distance for 6 months?

Can you give him an opening. Tell him he looks really handsome in his shirt (way more personal than a nice shirt comment) when you go to the theatre. Or look him in the eyes and tell him you worry about what you'd be leaving behind. If he is looking out for signals from you, you'll know by his reaction, and if he is a sweet, slightly shy man (which the best men are in my opinion!) hopefully it will give him enough confidence to let on how he's feeling himself. You need to be vulnerable and open to hurt feelings with love but you don't have to go all in when you're showing someone you have feelings for them. You'll never regret being honest and there's not a lot of point living life with too many 'what ifs'

I think you need to decide whether or not you will take the job in Australia, first. As if it is based on what he says, and he doesnt say what you want to hear, youll be leaving for the wrong reasons. And, equally, if he says the right thing, you then face the dilemmas you mentioned about working together. Good luck!