Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

[scaredaboutwork]

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Does he know you’ve been offered the Aus job?

Huh? This thread doesn't make any sense. He has asked you in a date, you are going on lots of dates every week and he knows about the job in Australia and is advising you not to take it. What exactly is the conflict?

Confess how you feel and if it goes badly go to Australia knowing you at least shot your shot? You miss all the chances you don't take. Win win at least you'd know for certain.

I would normally say this too, but in this circumstance I actually think being her senior does make it potentially an abuse of power and he might well be less likely to say anything because of that.

I think the Australia option makes this an ideal opportunity for you to say something op. I can imagine it might come naturally out a conversation raising the offer you have.

Please don’t give up the most amazing opportunity for something that may not work out. Take the job, confess your feelings and then if it’s meant to be he will come out to Australia too!

Take the job. If this bloke is meant to be it will happen! Don't give up working in Australia for a bloke, whatever you do. Doesn’t have to be forever out there if you don’t like it out there. Chances are it will be great though!

I have been in the same situation and I told him…..we’ve been together for nearly 30 years now.

Definitely take the job opportunity.

My dad did this stayed for my mum. It was an unhappy marriage. He would have been better off going Australia and her with someone else.

Have you thought of sounding out to him that you've been offered a job in Australia and see if he shows his hand first.

Edit sorry just seen he knows.
Maybe quiz playfully if he'd miss you if you went.

With this in mind I think you should go to Australia. I’d just tell him you plan to go to Australia for six months but will miss him while you are away. You mention in an update that he asked you out but you made a joke of it. I’d just say ‘hopefully you’ll take me on that date before I go’ and see what he does.

How legally are you able to work in Australia?

I would go to Australia for 6 months such a great opportunity. You can always come back if it doesn't work out. Not sure what to say about your manager though. Its a tough one.

He likes you a lot and you like him, so why on earth are you over thinking all of this? Say something dramatic, unforgettable, that you both can tell your children & grandchildren about one day. How about, 'There's only one thing that can stop me from going", then he'll say, 'what's that' and you say, 'You' and that's when you fall into each others arms. The kids will love that, knowing they're the happy ending.

Yes YES ! Confess... YOLO of course you have to..

She got off the plane
Tell him ......

When are you next going out with him, just you and him? Rather than share your feelings, don’t you both have the urge to get touchy feely as in brushing hands, longer stares etc, then kissing? That’s how things always started with me!

When are you next going out with him, just you and him? Rather than share your feelings, don’t you both have the urge to get touchy feely as in brushing hands, longer stares etc, then kissing? That’s how things always started with me!

Not if he then decides on not saying anything because she's leaving anyway.
Ask him if he'd like to go on a date and I mean actually say the word date so there's no confusion.
You've got nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain. You don't sound sure about Austrailia anyway.

I say do both. Go and tell him. It's six months. Long distance, all that lovely tension over phone and email and then he can visit midway if it's going well.

This is what alcohol was invented for. Sounds like he likes you too but thinks you just want friendship so doesn't want to be rejected again. Maybe ask if he'll miss meeting up with you?

Definitely tell him. You've got nothing to lose. If he doesn't feel the same, well then at least you know. And if he does, then happy days!

On a side note, you don't sound sure about Australia? My feeling about 'amazing opportunities' is that they don't always have to be taken. Just because it's possible, it doesn't mean that you're obliged to do it. Maybe you're happier here regardless of your feelings for your boss?

Whatever you decide to do with your job, you must tell your boss how you feel! We only get one chance to be here, you may as well make it count. Good luck!!!

@scaredaboutwork

What kind of job have you been offered in Australia, OP?

Does he know about the Oz opportunity and if so, what was his reaction to the news that you might be leaving the country?

Ask him on a proper date . The worst that could happen is that he says no . That is not so bad ! Sad, but ok. The best is that he is happy and says yes.

Never ask him . The worst that could happen is that you both really care and never know. This seems tragic to me. The best is that he asks you himself.