Mum of three boys here 👋🏼
This sounds really hard and I can hear in your post how you’re struggling with it all. I have a few thoughts.
First is that the final week of the school summer holidays is not a good time for parents to try and make reliable, clear-eyed assessments on how we feel about our kids. 😏
After five weeks of no routine, being eaten out of house and home, often no break from being with them, AND in most situations having to manage working as well, lots of folk are at a low ebb.
Lacking in patience, feeling exhausted and depleted and frustrated and maybe also apprehensive about the ‘holidays’ ending and being expected to be raring to go in September. Your state of wellbeing is the lens through which you look at everything in your life. And unless you are a millionaire with nanny-level childcare on tap and lots of funds to spend on massages and trips out with friends, the last week of August is probably going to feel less than amazing. Some of what you’re feeling will very likely improve when schools go back and you aren’t having to deal with your son all the time.
Second thing is that everything is a phase. I’ve been on Mumsnet 13 years and this has been one of the most helpful MN mantras I’ve seen. All three of my DSs got a lot easier to deal with at age 6. They seemed to get with the programme more at school and that helped at home too.
Fully agree with the physical exercise point someone made upthread. Particularly between the ages of 1 and 8, if we didn’t run them out like spaniels at every opportunity, it would feel really chaotic and they would be much harder to deal with. NONE of my friends with daughters experienced this with their girls (though obviously this is not necessarily indicative) It was annoying to have to constantly get out of the house and off on a yomp or to a bloody play park in all weathers BUT it did make our lives easier for that period.
Another thing is to be careful with your perceptions and notice the narrative that may be being constructed in your mind. What I mean is that if we get an idea in our head about the way things are (in this case it might be ‘My son is so hard to deal with, I don’t like him’), the way our brains work is that they often start to look for evidence confirming that view. Your attention is like a torch-beam. There might be lots of stuff in a dark room, but it’s the stuff you shine the light on that you actually see.
You can start to bring some balance back by physically writing down every day one thing your son did that was gentler, or sweet, or where he tried hard. I know it sounds weird but maybe take a pic of you cuddling with him and put it up somewhere you can see it. A picture of the loving mum you want to be, in terms of the feelings in your head, not just the care you’re providing him.
Finally I would say to extend some grace to yourself about these feelings. Being a parent is HARD. So much of what we do goes unnoticed and everyone needs some kindness and support. You’re not a machine. Get some stuff in the diary wherever you can - starting today - that will give you joy, that will lift your spirits. Even if it’s as small as buying a magazine or having coffee with a mate. It all helps.
Sending you an encouraging shoulder-squeeze this morning OP. Hang in there ☕️ 🍰
Edited to add: finding a mum with a similarly energetic boy can be a lifeline. They get to tear around together and you get to chat with her about how exhausting it is and feel less alone - double win.