I prefer one of my children over the other

[ihaveafavourite]

And I don’t feel great about it. I feel pretty awful but I really am struggling with what to do about it.

My DS is nearly 6 and is very full on. He’s loud, argumentative, stroppy, even when he’s affectionate it’s too much so he’ll sit on your lap endlessly elbowing you and pulling hair and poking his fingers into your face.

I have spent a lot of time with him this summer as he’s been on holiday of course and I just have not enjoyed it at all. Some of it’s fairly standard five y/o I am sure: I’ll ask a question and he’ll answer ‘yes’ but in a really stupid put on voice, like YUUUUURS at the top of his voice. Winds other children up terribly - I think some play dates have been rescinded because of this.

of course I love him but I can’t pretend life isn’t easier with just his sibling, a 3 yo DD. And I feel horrible about it.

It'll change. It always does.
I have DS and. DD, same age difference.
My DS was full on and hard work when he was small. DD was sweet and well behaved. Nowadays he is my absolute joy, loving, kind, thoughtful. She a is hormonal she devil.

I always say I have a favourite child, but its not the same one day to day! Cut yourself some slack. Parenting is hard. Kids change. Roll with the puches and atip beating yourself up.

(12 and 15 now)

I have news for you.....sometimes children have a favourite parent too!😁

I was considered to be a pain in the neck when younger, now I'm perfect! Or at least that's what I bribe people to say about me!🤣

I’m not sure what you’re finding so funny tbh @PainterInPeril , it was a very hard post to write and I feel like you’re just mocking me. Anyway. Thanks @Alwayschillyatnight

I've got 5 children and definitely find some of them easier to get along with than the others! Isn't that normal? Doesn't mean I love them any less, just that I find them harder work! Two of mine are very similar to me and we have a lot in common - they're easygoing whereas the other three can be a bit intense and moody! It's just different personalities!

@whippersnapper55 I don’t think it is normal - I’m sure some dynamics it is but for me I am fantasising about a life without him, I resent him and if I’m honest don’t like him much.

Thats awful but I’ve really been struggling with how I feel about him these past few weeks. I feel like if I was offered a button to push and he just wouldn’t exist I’d press it.

Speak to a professional. It’s good your admitting this to us, but a professional can help more than us.

Professional as in GP, HV, who? I’m not really sure this is anything anybody can help with tbh. One of the problems is he is difficult, there’s no doubt about it, but it’s a bit chicken and egg isn’t it? I wish I knew.

It’ll get better and this phase will pass. Hold on in there and try not to let him feel it

Summer holidays are making many parents feel this way I’m sure.

I had a very difficult DS, and when he turned 6 he changed completely and now is my best buddy at 7 years old. So things do change.

I hope so. I keep thinking ds has changed and then we have a setback; last summer was pretty good but this summer has been awful.

Five year old boys are hard work . Babyish but boisterous. Girls are sometimes easier but she could have also been a diva . It does change as they mature and gets easier . It's OK to feel this way - that you prefer to be around her at the moment - but please do nothing that lets him know that you feel like this .

My girls where easier when younger my boys where easier as teens.

I have an older boy and a younger girl and quite often felt like this when they were younger. He was hard work, annoying, and often unlikeable; she was sweet, affectionate and eager to please. I found ‘love bombimg’ him did help sometimes, and I made a conscious effort to show him affection frequently (which needed no conscious effort with DD).

Anyway, they’re now teenagers and if I had to choose one of them to spend a weekend with, I’d pick DS! He has really mellowed, is good company, and we have more in common. DD is more highly strung and emotionally volatile.

Hang in there OP. Some ages suck, but they can change so much. Just keep showing him love every way you can, even when you don’t feel like it

does he seem different from his peers? You mentioned play dates. Does he maybe have some additional needs that it might help if he got professional support for?

As so often 1st post nails it.

Well it's school soon lol
Do you tell him off? Exercise him enough? He sounds bored - aren't we all at this stage of school hols !!
Put him in drama club and a martial art to channel his energy.

Tire him out then do colouring or lego or watch a film together
Your dd will turn annoying soon too, that's life. They're all annoying at different stages for different reasons. Are you unhappy with other stuff and you're taking it out on him? You need more patience and positive thinking so you can see the loveable bits of him. You can't press a button and send him back so you need to find a way through x

Thanks to the helpful posts (and lols and ‘first post nails it’ aren’t, FYI.)

I know it may well change but I do worry about the relationship deteriorating to a point where it’s difficult to salvage. I don’t think he has additional needs but he’s very very high energy and that can be exhausting.

You need to wear him out.

This advice was given to my mother by my (born 1895) grandmother about my dear brother, who would undoubtedly been diagnosed with ADHD if he hadn't been born in 1966, he was a crazed thing, bless him. We went to the park, rain or shine, while he ran around like the Duracell bunny.

Look at everything you can to exhaust and distract. This will pass.

ETA DB is now a 6 figure earner and if anything, rather slothish in some ways.

Some kids are really irritating unfortunately. Hopefully he’ll mellow in time. It’s ok to prefer your dd. I know a few people who feel the same.

It could be a phase and it could be something else; anything from a phase, attention seeking (if so, why?) to add/adhd or the autism spectrum. It's best to discuss with a professional and get him assessed. I think it's better to get an outside opinion so that if he does need some supports you can help him.

Do you have a trampoline? Both mine have autism and where extremely hyper in their younger ages (mellowed out in their pre teen years!) They used to live on our trampoline from dawn to dusk. I highly recommend one if you don't.

That’s something you can control.

Thing is, as your DC grow up they'll know. I speak as one of 6, where my mother had 2 definite favourites - one sibling she particularly connected with because my mother saw herself in my sister.

And it's hard as a child in that situation. Very hard. A parent says "I love them all of course" but if you see the favouritism, the declaration of love feels a bit hollow, IME. I learnt that my emotions were "too much" because my mother found me difficult. It's taken a lifetime to work that one out.

It's hard all round, because parents are only human. But children know when a parent (particularly a mother) likes a sibling more than them. It's noting the preference in liking (rather than the foundational love) that is difficult.

Genuinely don’t even worry about it. I have a boy or a girl who are now pretty much adults and I’ve gone through long phases of preferring one over another. Ultimately, I would die for both of them but you will constantly swing between them both depending on various stages of behaviour and development!

Literally don’t beat yourself up about it