Are attitudes to SAHM mothers on here overly negative?

[Anonfortoday2]

I’ve been reading through the replies to my recent post about being a SAHM, and I’m honestly just a bit saddened by how negative people are about it.
So many of the responses were filled with really extreme, worst case what if scenarios. Things like what if he leaves you, what if he financially abuses you, or what if the worst happens and you are left with nothing?
It feels a bit exhausting to look at life that way. Of course, nobody knows what the future holds, but you can’t live your life constantly planning for absolute disaster.
It's often made out like SAHMs don't have a brain cell between them, but so many of us are actually completely financially safe. Lots of couples have the property in both names, and arrange private pensions and savings accounts in the mum's own name so she is fully protected.
If anything, some SAHM setups are much more financially secure than a two-income family. So many working couples have a massive mortgage that they absolutely could not afford if they separated, meaning they'd have to sell up anyway. In real life, I actually know more working couples who stay in terrible marriages simply because they can’t afford to live in the same area on their own.
People on here only ever focus on money, but they completely ignore how much value it brings to the household. My husband deeply appreciates me being at home because it removes a massive amount of stress from his life too. We don't have the constant headache of covering sick days, school holidays, or rushing around at bedtime. It makes the whole house run smoother.
Outside the Mumsnet echo chamber, so many families are completely happy with this setup. Being a SAHM was the norm for generations, and it still works beautifully for millions of couples today. For most of us, marriage is a genuine partnership built on mutual love, shared goals, and deep trust. It’s not a business transaction where you are always preparing for a divorce.
I just find it a shame that it’s so hard for people on here to accept that some men really love and support their wives, and that this lifestyle can be a lovely, successful choice for a family.
Am I the only one who thinks the endless worry and negativity about SAHMs on here is a bit disconnected from everyday reality?

HRTFT but when around 50% of first marriages ends in divorce (it's higher for subsequent marriages) it isn't really planning for the worst case scenario. I tell my DD and DILs to think about financial independence, whilst hoping for the best for them.

I agree with this why do you care so much about other peoples opinions? I was a stay at home mum for many years. I now work part time and love my financial independence. However I enjoyed staying at home when mine were young. I couldn't care less what others thought about me!

This is only an England and Wales statistic.

For example the divorce numbers in NI are significantly lower.

Not that another couple getting divorced actually increases your individual chance of divorcing though anyway.

No one said you were living in poverty, and you proved the previous point in escalating just how wealthy you are, as this goes on.

We’ve went from just a joint account, to joint account, separate account your husband pays into, multiple homes, a private pension, life time wealth etc but contradicting yourself when you previously said you’d have enough in your one home to buy two properties, most people with two homes would say we’ve two homes so can buy one each.

look as everyone keeps saying, as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters. No one pointing out the risks or saying they don’t wish this lifestyle, envies you, well some might, but I’m sure they’d say so.

People pointing out the financial risks to most women when they make themselves financially vulnerable , or not wishing to have your lifestyle from a fulfilment perspective, are not doing so as they secretly want to stay home and do the house work or child care, they are answering your question by making honest comments.

its ok you chose different, you don’t need to be validated or envied by other women, just live your life as you wish and if that’s being the homemaker with a husband who financially supports you that’s fine.

I don't believe anyone has said that you are lying, just pointed out the fact that most SAHM's aren't in your position.

Why does that mean people are jealous? It's almost like you believe all women secretly want to be SAHM's and that simply isn't the case.

I could be a SAHM if I wanted to but I absolutely don't want to be one.

Yes, in the particular context of a mother not choosing to use formula milk, that is an apt statement. However, baldly stating "...the woman being the only one who can nourish a baby" is clearly untrue. There are many women who, for their own private reasons, choose to formula feed. There are many women who don't get breast milk (especially after a traumatic birth) who have no choice but to formula feed. But all those babies are nourished, and the mother certainly wasn't the only one who could do it.

It’s not really ‘worst case scenario’ though, 40% of marriages end in divorce. It’s ‘reasonable likelihood scenario’

it’s great that you’ve protected yourself financially, but that may only go so far once you’ve been out of the job market for a long time

and many SAHMs don’t have the financial split setup that you do

Your point, according to your original post, was that people were too negative about the potential financial risks of giving up paid employment. Your reason being that you were independently financially secure and had thought through your choices carefully. All people have done on this thread is point out that you are not all SAHPs and that your experience is not universal.

As I said, if pointing out the potential financial risks SAHPs are taking is doom mongering then so be it. If it helps just one woman not get shafted, then it's worth it, regardless of how little it applies to you and how offended you are.

I was absolutely spot on in my first reply to you. You just wanted validation. You don't really care whether other SAHPs are okay as long as your sensitivities aren't offended. You just want people to pat you on the back and tell you how clever you are for being financially secure whilst giving up work.