So disappointed with ds GCSEs

[Gigabell]

He got mostly 4s, a couple of 3s and one 5. He was predicted 6s and 7s.

This isn't the first time he has not performed as well as expected- we had the same issue with the 11+. He seems to be perfectly capable until the exam.

It makes me feel like a failure for not pushing him more, but I feel like I do push him. We had so many arguments over the last couple of years about refusing to revise or barely putting any effort in. It frustrates me so much. He refused to attend revision sessions before the exams, and if we suggested things to help revise he wouldn't listen. Dh and I did very well in our own GCSEs many years ago without any of the support or help we have provided ds so it feels like a kick in the teeth. We failed and got it wrong somehow and somewhere.

He has always been like this though - he just won't be told and now he is sad. And I feel terrible. All his plans are up in the air while we wait to see where he can go next.

We have given him so many opportunities - all the extra curricular I wished I had had a chance to do but never did (tailored to him and his likes of course), music lessons, sports, trips and visits, a house full of books and every other resource we can provide. But it all means nothing, he barely puts any effort in and it feels like he just doesn't care.

And then, all the school's words about "if it doesn't work out there are options..." turn out to mean nothing because when I asked what next they basically just shrugged and said he doesn't meet the requirements, there is nothing we can do.

I am of course venting here to avoid damaging him by saying something hurtful and harming our relationship.

Oh actually they did ? A 7 to a 3 - yeh that is concerning

Oh no actually the OP don’t mention mocks just predictions so could have been the aspirational target grades

How did he do in his a levels that he didn’t meet the required grades for but you sweet talked the school into letting him do them anyway @whittingtonmum ?

Apologies, I've reviewed what we were sent from the school over the last few years - never actually received any "predicted grades", just "centre assessed exam results" which is what they called their mocks which they did in Jan of year 11.

The biggest drop was in the science subjects where his CAE grades were 7s and actual grades were 3s and 4s. Sciences and geography were his favourite subjects too so big shock. (Geography went from a 7 to a 5). Other subjects were much closer (from 6s to 4s).

Little update, he has offers to do a T level or a BTEC in Engineering, so we now need to choose between those. He's still gutted to miss out on Geography but there is nothing at college that matches it or is similar.

My dc didn’t do GCSEs but they are now on a vocational course in college.

Your son will need support and guidance to help him find the right course and this needs to be done asap as some courses are very popular and students will have already applied.

I would also get some advice from the school about his next steps too. They will know him well and many schools provide a range of courses in conjunction with local colleges too. It depends what he wants to do and also why he didn’t do as well as expected.

Btw I have just taken my dc to the college in our city to enrol and I would say more than 90% of young people were with a parent or in some cases the whole family! Only saying that as some posters have recommended you leave him to it to sort out his future which is unrealistic.

Why do you think the school failed you by not warning you? You saw for yourself over many months how utterly unmotivated he was?

Cross post and see you are on the case with a possible way forward. Good luck!

That’s great he has a plan - ouch 7 to 5 for geo - that’s no revision ime ( I’m not a geo teacher though .) Science is a huge drop - that’s concerning - the SLT will be all over that with the HOD . They’ll be asking what went wrong there too internally. You could ask for a review of the marks in case a sheet didn’t get marked ( missed in scanning ) . It does happen . Good luck

Geography is a respectable pass.
He has also passed 2 sciences. Thats good.
Maybe chase the science mark which was a 3. Im guessing he only failed by a couple of marks.

Honestly, disgruntled parents really should raise their concerns with the school. Although his grades weren't good enough, although it's mainly his own fault, the schools attitude stinks. Surely, if they weren't satisfied with his work ethic, they should have notified you.

What does your son truly want to pursue? What are his aspirations? A few years back, my son received B's and C's and aimed for A levels. We live in Wales; he faced a challenge at his original school, where they predicted he would only achieve E's or, at best, D's. They did suggest to him to try if he wanted, but their negativity put him off, so he sought out a different school and ended up with ABCC. I'm not suggesting your child should take A levels, but I want to share some encouragement: there are plenty of paths available, and it's important to explore all the options.

As someone who works with unemployed young people, be wary of college courses in game design, film studies etc as I see many with these qualifications and they are still fighting for jobs in hospitality and retail when it ends.

sorry but you sound so controlling - isn't it for him to make the decision about his own life - trying to push him hasn't worked well to date

There's a BTEC thread over on Further Education with loads of us who have kids doing this route.
Might be worth asking advice there if anyone has a child doing the same courses you are looking at.

One heads up on the vocational courses - CHECK the grading requirements.

On my DD's course for example, if you are aiming at the top grade, you can only afford to drop to a Merit in 2 modules over the first year out of 21 modules. Some colleges allow a resubmission to improve the grade, some don't, some only allow if you failed etc. It can be very opaque, so worth checking ahead of time and staying on top of submission dates etc.

Mine is ND and has significant executive function challenges so I do not apologise for making sure I've understood what she should be doing.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow my DD is ND.
it’s so rubbish. Very bright but got overwhelmed in Y11. In hindsight I wish she’d not done 10 gcse
Dropping grades then cut off options as did her grade average. But she took 10!!

@Appledrop my DD school have them the impression they’d let her do three a levels even if grades dropped a bit. Yesterday they said she had to rethink options. Now she won’t go back and is going to a college that will accept her 4/5/6s Their loss. Her college will let her do 2 As and a great btec

I agree completely
Some children are just not suited to the GCSE system which tests very specific things like rote learning, and is massively dependent on having good teachers, no SEN, and being good at exams.

I was that child that adored exams, had a extremely good memory and enjoyed exam strategy. Anything with continual assessment would have horrified me as I couldn't have just coasted all year and then done a week of crazy revision.

But why should my method be rewarded because my brain functions in a way that ticks the boxes and another equally bright child do less well because their profile rewards another.

We were lucky that school knew the issues early and DD had a bespoke timetable and very reduced exam burden. She has 6 GCSEs and a L2 BTEC in total - which has proven more than enough for anything she might wish to do in the future. Some of the subjects she attended the classes but it was agreed not to sit the exams - that way, knowledge in for sake of a broad education, revision and exam burden down. I do not understand why schools force children to sit exams when they would be better focusing on a smaller number.

FWIW, if a school insists and you do not wish an exam to be taken, as long as they do not write anything on the papers, it is not included in the exam certificates. So there is always the choice of not revising a subject and just showing up for a couple of hours... bit of a waste of school's money but...

I’m really annoyed but hindsight is a great thing. She’s very clever but 25+ exams killed her. ND burnout

Despite you pushing pushing pushing, despite you “not taking no for an answer” from your 16 year old; despite “utterly exhausting” yourself from the effort of getting your son to revise… he still didn’t achieve the grades required to do his a level choices.

So… you “pleaded” with his school to accept him

Can you really not see how…. This is self-defeating, unhealthy and ultimately doing no one any favours @whittingtonmum

To make you feel better, my mum was a teacher and my brother was exactly the same. She helped him so much but he still did abysmally in the exams even though he is a bright guy. He did a btec, became a geometer, worked his way up in technical sales and now owns his own business and is a millionaire.
I on the other hand excelled academically, degree from Oxford etc and now have a very satisfying but very averagely paid job!

I'm glad your DS has options, you sound like a lovely mum and striking just the right balance.

Schools that wash their hands of kids at the end of Year 11 really annoy me! They are supposed to be in education or work until 18 so they really should be offering help on where to go next, even if it's not staying with them. No wonder there is a crisis in young people's employment.

The problem is that there are two
parts to success - ability and application. It sounds as if you did everything you could to make him apply himself and he chose not to. I guess the path now is what can he do with these results that he is interested in?
I really, really feel for you and I suspect we’ll have the same with our daughter.

I feel a bit frustrated because it feels as if society these days doesn’t set kids up for success in the way we were because there is no emphasis on doing your duty, self discipline and doing as you’re told in early upbringing.

It sounds dour and trite but I really feel something has changed and the emphasis from an early age that puts the child being happy and having a good time at the centre of everything, plus all the social media and emphasis on mental health is so different from the way we were brought up to do our best, do the thing that was right rather than the thing we wanted to etc. In our case, maybe me working rather than being at home to instil that was the problem..,,

You will get through this but I really appreciate your frustration.

I agree.

And yet, when I was at school, it was impressed upon us that we had to pass our exams. Otherwise, we would end up working in woolworths - which was a fate worse than death. Lol.

We did have careers lessons and career fairs. I know that most schools now have careers fairs. They also have sixth form open days etc. I think September is the time for open days. Colleges often visit schools to give talks on the range of options open to those who aren't interested in academic study. There is usually an A levels evening where parents and students go to choose their A levels and are told the grades which are needed.

I know teenage boys are lacking in application/motivation/ foresight. But I can't help thinking how did this situation arise? Were teachers aware that he wanted to do A levels and in certain subjects?
Again, when I taught in college, we were all over the UCAS applications. We had to tick the leavers destinations box. Why does noone care what happens to 16 year olds?

Well, there may be something in what you say but at my 80s comprehensive the majority did not apply themselves nor do what they were told!

but I agree with your distinction between ability and application. I am heading towards a similar place as OP. It’s frustrating as whilst I have nothing against non-a level routes, if you don’t try you never know what
your actual potential was. There’s another kicker where I live too as there is only a 6th form college after the FE college
was closed and turned into a housing estate and the next nearest one is 1hr and 20 mins away with one college bus and no public transport. I think as a society we let our young people down.

Im going to be controversial here. I disapprove of 90% of the things this government is doing with education.

However, bridget decided to introduce reading tests in year 8. This will be a pain for teachers. But, some kids simply shouldn't be taking gcses. Any who fail the reading test should have a reduced gcse timetable and intervention for reading. I would even include functional skills in English, maths and science for everyone in year 9. These would be easier to administer. Again, those who fail functional skills would not be considered ready for gcse and could go onto a different pathway.

The government hasn't said how they will implement the reading tests or how they will be used to improve educational outcomes. Tbh poor reading skills should have been picked up long before year 8.
Most kids in year 9 could pass functional skills. I used to teach it.

"Well, there may be something in what you say but at my 80s comprehensive the majority did not apply themselves nor do what they were told!"

My experience was somewhat different. I started at a comprehensive in September 1976. We were the very first comprehensive intake to a former secondary modern (although a little earlier than this, Margaret Thatcher approved the creation of more comprehensives between 1970 and 1974 than any Education Secretary before or since).

My DC's experience of secondary school in the mid/late 2000s at a 'naice' school appears to have been very much worse than mine was in the the late 70s and early 80s.