Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

@GrannyNameDrama given your ma’s deep passion for the Irish language perhaps she would like to adopt “Seanmháthair” … given she’s fluent this will roll off the tongue.

Any idea where the idea for Mamó came? Personally I blame Kneecap & the Fleadh 😉

You have a valid reason to not want her to be called that. It sounds very close to mama.
The fact that she has not contact you with your scan today is awful.
Wishing you well for the scan xxx

There’s no guarantee that your child will call her what she wants to be called anyway.

My mother in law is Italian. She wanted to be called Nonna.

None of her 6 Grandchildren actually call her that. They call her Nan (called her nanny when very little). She used to correct them and they would just look at her funny and say nanny, as that’s what they heard in everyday life.

Dh didn’t care, but SIL used to correct to Nonna, she still does with her 23 year old who just continues saying “Nan.”

Oh for goodness sake. You had us all going there for a while.
12 weeks and you are already acting like a diva.
There is nothing wrong with that name.
My mother was a harriden, a terrifying woman and she was known as The Dutchess.
Cone on....surely there are better things to argue over.

I'm Irish, grew up in Munster, live in North Leinster now. Admittedly I only did Irish til I was 12yrs old. But I have never once heard anyone refer to their granny as Mamó

I do sort of like it, but I see what you mean about it being close to mama.

My grandkids call me Wrinkles! Started off as a joke with first one, then just carried on.
I quite like it.
Funny thing is, I’m not wrinkly at all!!

My mam is Mamó or grandma interchangeably, initially grandma but as my youngest couldn’t say it and called her Mamm- ma repeatedly we pivoted and now she’s either Mamó or Grandma. My dad has always been Daideo

You made me laugh, thank you, I needed that! Oh no, she has no time for Kneecap. Far too out there for her tastes. I’ve seen them twice & they’re brilliant. Loved them movie too. She did love the fleadh to be fair to her, but I don’t think it’s brought this on. I think it’s just pure notions from her

I think you're being OTT, sorry OP. Yes mama is one letter from mamo. But-

• your baby will know the difference between you
• they're still different words. In the same way that shit and shut are very similar and no one gets confused
• unless its normal in your circles to call your mum mama's, your baby might say 'mama' as a first word when theyre getting used to making basic sounds, but within a few months they will be able to say mummy. They might call you mama for a very very short time. I wouldn't be banning a name for ever on the basis of it potentially clashing with a name your baby might say for less than 6 months only

I think this is less about the name and more about the fears your mum will overstep (for what ita worth, fhe party thing would have pissed me off)

I wouldn’t mind. Both of my young dc call my grandma Mimi.

My eldest started calling her it from about 1 and my youngest copied off him. It’s stuck ever since and she uses it in their birthday/Christmas cards.

A diva! Hardly. I wouldn’t have given a thought to this until she brought it up and my immediate gut reaction was no.
Maybe I’ll suggest the duchess as alternative

Notions is right.

I think though let it slide for now. But at a calmer moment reiterate how much you need her support but also to find your own way as first time parents. My mum very much kept her counsel about things I look back at as slightly bonkers. A 3 page note detailing every in and out of caring for my 12 month old for 24 hours for eg.

Children seem to make up their own minds about names, when my dgs was quite small I had an accident and got a head injury, I'm still called 'nana crackhead' to this day😂 It turns heads for some reason.😂

Brilliant!! 🤣🤣

In Scandinavia she'd be known as "Mormor" which sounds very much like "Mama" when a baby says it.

It's no big deal, it's your mums choice and you are being very unreasonable.

Best of luck with your scan today, OP.

I wouldn't make the first move with your mum right now. She's the one shooting herself in the foot over this - she will want to know how your scan went and will be in touch.

Re the name, I'm on your side. The name is too similar to any version of 'mum' and she knows it. She's centring herself when it's your first and longed-for pregnancy - that's a really immature and horrible thing to do to her daughter. I'd withdraw a bit tbh and let her realise what she's missing out on.

Honestly, I couldn't get in a flap about this. My parkents chose "quirky" grandparent names, my husband and I just rolled our eyes and let them crack on. If they sound a bit silly, that's on them!

Edited to add - before my son could say the name, he pronounced it "Mama". This lasted about 6 months, and my mum was then conscious she may have overstepped and was apologetic. It didn't bother me in the slightest, he knew the difference between us and can say the name properly now!

At the end of the day the child will call granny by whatever they want , you can't enforce that sort of thing . I'm irish we called grannies both nan . One of mine calls my mam 'mam' because that's what I call her 😆 🤣 he's an adult now . I've known people who call the granny nanna mum, the fact she's pronounced it wrong though feels like she knows it's going to rile you up and she wants to have a second go around with your baby. Take a step back for a while.

Yes my late Grandmother was 'mammar' to me.

My Finnish friend is called Mumu by her grandchildren (Moomoo).

OP I think you are massively overthinking this. Is your child going to call you mamma or mummy? Why do you get to choose what your child calls someone - surely this is there choice?

They aren't that close and at the beginning they will probably say dada first and call every woman mama.

I think it's sweet as you do live in Ireland.

My sgc parents wanted me to called granny Thisismy but I said I prefer Thisismy as the kids already had both of their gm. Even my own gc call me Thisismy and is my preferred choice.

All the best for today Op.

Try not to bother about your mum.

I'd leave her to contact you.

Re he 1st birthday-I'd say see how you feel at the time.

If you have already done one that she was at she might not bother, or it might not be convenient for you to take you child to her when she wants.

She sounds difficult.

If she insists on Mamó, perhaps Mamó Notions?

We let the grandparents choose initially, but our eldest (who was the first of the grandchildren on both sides of our family) ended up calling them different names anyway based on what they could manage when they started talking, and then the names stuck.

I have a very emotionally immature petty MIL, and I think unless you have experience with these types of people you wouldn't understand why something that on the surface seems small and innocent, would bother someone so much.

It’s the meaning the behind the choice of the title that’s the issue, she’s likely chosen this title because it is as close to mama as possible, not because it has any significance or meaning to her at all, which is why it’s bothering OP so much.

It would bother me too if my MIL insisted we get our child to use a title that no one in our area and family uses and is very close to mum or mummy, because I know for a fact she would be doing this because she wants to play at being a mum again, because that’s the type of thing she does.

The fact that she’s punishing OP with silent treatment because she said no speaks volumes.