Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

I wouldn’t care much. Is it nonna? Weird if so but not that uncommon here

As a rule, I think grandparents should get to choose how they're called.
But I confess to being awfully curious about your mum's preference.

Whether or not YABU depends on what the name is. If it’s one that can be found somewhere on a UK greetings card albeit not the most common one in your area eg Grandma then YABU, if it’s something foreign but she has a connection to eg Oma then YABU. If it’s totally made up and weird then YANBU to be a bit irritated but WBU to veto - unless it’s massively offensive it’s her name, her choice.

As long as it’s not actively rude, it’s fine. I know grannies known as Blondie, Tifta and Nonna (who is in no way Italian!), and as long as the granny and the child are happy, it’s all fine.

If you’ll dripped that she wants to be called Mummy, that’s of course different.

Unless it's rude or offensive, it's going to be her name, so I'd just let it go. Is the other gran on the scene (obviously this can't be taken for granted)-if so, ask her what she wants to be called, and if she wants to go with one of the more common options, I'd let this be.

I've always thought it was the grandparents' choice.

There really aren't that many to choose from, so from your post I'm assuming she'd like to be called Grandma.

Whatever it is, is it really worth falling out over?

If it’s a standard grandmother name that you can find on a greetings card (even if not very common where you live) then YABU. If it’s something random/made-up then YANBU.

Your child will do their own thing in the end. I know a couple of Gangans and A Ganga. Mine was Granny and the other one Mrs Granny Sirname (she was terrifying). Lean in to whatever childish mispronounced name and make that stick.

Is it one of those glam granny things like Glamma? 😂

Tbh if she has her heart set on a particular name I'd just go with it.

Does she want to be called Fanny the Nanny or something?

I honestly can't think of any normal, albeit unusual for the area, granny name that I wouldn't want my child to use.

Although if my mother had decided she wanted to be known as Oma (or something else from another culture) I would have rolled my eyes in dramatic fashion.

I think we need to know the name to decide.
There are loads of slightly odd ones, Momar is used round here quite often. Most people are Nana or Granny or Grandma.
We have a Nannie and a Grannie. Makes cards a total PITA but they picked.

It seems a bit mean to not let her use the name she wants. Why do you need to control this? Most people just let the grandparents choose. It sounds like it’s just a normal name like Grandma based on how you’ve worded the OP.

It's what your mother will spend the rest of her life being called. You get to choose if you are Mum, Mummy, Mama or whatever variant you wish. . Why can't she choose her own name? My DH sometimes calls me Mummy when speaking to the kids and I swear it drives me up the walls because I hate it.... I suspect she would feel similar.

Also, I hate to say it but your hormones are probably feeding into why you feel so passionate now.

No, it’s not common on a card. It’s mamó, which is the Irish-language version of granny/nanny. It’s not commonly used in Ireland at all, except by fluent Irish speakers which there aren’t that many of. Although we live in Ireland my mum cannot speak Irish beyond hello/thank you etc. I don’t want to be teaching the baby to call me mama and her mamó - they are so similar. When I brought up that pointed she mocked that my child would call me mama and said they should be calling me mum. Like obviously I hope my baby’s first words will be mama and dada. It just feels too similar. And it also isn’t commonly used here at all. I live in Ireland and have only known one person who called their gran that - because their gran was a fluent Irish speaker who spoke it every day..

I'm also Irish in my early 30s and I know lots of Mamós.... I mean at least 10+ and in different parts (Connaught and Munster).

It doesn't particularly sound like Mama either tbf. There's quite a distinct difference.

Honestly, you need to grow up and get over the precious stage.

She is the one being called it, its really not your place to dictate what her name will be

Both my DM & MIL chose ridiculous names for themselves. My DM had been a grandparent for years before my DC so the name had stuck by the time mine came along. But she was always silly, jokey etc so the silly name did suit her.
Then my MIL decided she wanted to use a term used for grandma, in a different language - she’s not remotely connected to that country and it was so embarrassing (especially as we know people from that country). We just pronounced it slightly differently to make a cute sounding name, that was no longer an attempt at sounding from that country. My DC have been quite embarrassed by referring to both GMs, but they love them and are used to it. Now we laugh about it all. So yes, I think it’s up to the GPs to pick their names, but you may be able to adapt it as it gets used if it’s really bad.

Ah I like Mamó.

Is your mother a bit of a mild pain in the bum though? Does she seriously think your child will first address you as mum rather than mamamama?

I can't see how Mamó would be problematic.
I get that it's not your choice, but why is it negative in any way? Your child won't confuse you and your Mum.

We are in Northern Ireland so not common here at all. She is probably getting the pronunciation wrong as she has so little Irish, but she is essentially saying mama but with an oh noise at the end instead.

Honestly I don’t think she seriously believed that the baby wouldn’t call me mama, she just didn’t like that I was standing up for myself and would have shut down any reason I brought up. Like I said, she’s not used to me telling her no or getting her own way. And she can be very manipulative in hurtful ways to try to guilt trip me into getting her own way. I think that’s why I got so upset by what she said. It felt like she was totally disregarding my feelings and didn’t care at all how upsetting she was being. And I’m very hurt that she hasn’t reached out since knowing I have the scan tomorrow. I am already very nervous about it and probably shouldn’t be wasting energy worrying about this :(

And if your mum is a pain in the arse, convincing her to be called Granny won't stop that I'm afraid.

I think Mamo sounds far too much like mamma and would utterly reject it in your postion

I.lived for years in an area where Mammar was the go to for grandma and it caused no problems or confusion for the children.

This. Why would you want your child to have any relationship witha woman who hurts you and is manipulative?