Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

The point of this entire thread is for me to see it from other points of view. I’ve spoken to other family members too to get their views on it as well. I accept that many people think I am being unreasonable and of course years down the line I won’t care about this so much. But scan is today and my own mum hasn’t even text to say hope it goes well since I left her house in tears days ago, yes I will feel hurt and justified that I asked her to pick something else. It’s about more than just a name at this stage

Ah, as a mum to.older dc and a new gran, she needs a kick up the backside. Send her a copy of the scan photo.

Well you certainly got your thread title right with the 'drama'.

The thing is, it's being caused by you.

Getting above themselves?

Doesn't have the same ring though.

I’m disturbed by so many posters being unnecessarily unpleasant to the OP, she’s at a vulnerable stage of a difficult pregnancy. You could make your point without the nastiness

@GrannyNameDrama I hope your scan goes well today and wish you well for the rest of your pregnancy. Your ma needs to learn being a grandparent is a privilege and a joy not a contest.

There are aspects of the parenting of my granddaughter’s I don’t always agree with, I keep my mouth shut and would never ignore parental instructions/preferences. Many of those differences in approach don’t actually matter in the grand scheme and they must be doing it right overall as she’s a delight.

You are the parent you will have to do a lot of hard parts of child rearing. The grandparents get most of the nicest easiest aspects anyway, the least they can do is respect the parents preferences. This respect lets me be a significant part of of things like her early birthday celebrations as I’m not trying to take over.

Unlike many posters I actually think it’s really important you stand your ground on this one. My perspective may be biased by having a NI mother that wanted to pick and choose aspects of being a parent as well as being a grandparent to her grandchildren. I was firmer with her than my sister particularly early on and it wasn’t easy especially when I felt vulnerable and would have like some maternal support, however with the benefit of being able to look back now our children are grown I’m glad I was.

I'm in N Ireland too and, controversially, I think naming grandparents should be down to the baby's parents - with a little consultation! I'm known to two as Granny ( don't much like it but son was very firm!) Oma to two more (?? I speak German but none of us are German. It sounds a wee bit pretentious to me in the circumstances but one of the parents was doing an intensive course in German when the baby was born and clearly lost the run of himself.) The others call me Gammy because I have a gammy leg! That's the one I like best. I would have argued vociferously if any of them proposed a name I really disliked but would probably have backed down. One other family grandmother insisted on being known by a real jaw breaker that she had apparently called her own grandmother. The kid was in pre-school before any of us could remember and use the name with confidence. Families, eh? Hope the scan went well and the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly.

But what strikes me most about this is Op's mum being so pigheaded when it is upsetting Op.

It might be trivial, but it has upset Op & should have just been dropped imo.

Baby isn't even here & GM is going on about what she wants.

It doesn't bode well!

One can equally say OP is being pigheaded and upsetting her mum.

Why didn’t OP just drop it?

My mum announced she didn’t want to be “granny” she wanted to be “x” specific to her culture, so I said fine. Why on earth would I care what someone else wants to be called? The other GPs were given their names by the children.

Obviously not, but as a pp said, there does seem to be a lot of unpleasantness directed at the OP, so possibly a few similarly self-centred grandmamas (or whatever) on this thread.

One can equally say OP is being pigheaded and upsetting her mum.

Of course.

I suppose if someone said to me that they'd rather I didn't call myself Mamó as it's too similar to Mama, I'd just leave it at that not insist.

It does seem reasonable enough to me.

Especially if they sound more similar than they should because the wanted moniker isn't being pronounced correctly!

I think to tell Op it's what her late father would have wanted is bloody horrible.

Being pregnant having lost a parent is awful though & I really feel for Op with that.

You have completely disregarded the fact that her mum has brought this nonsense up before OP has even had her 12 week scan. Lots of pregnant women don't tell anyone about their pregnancy before this scan just in case all isn't well. OP's mum is just piling on pressure that OP doesn't need right now.

It sounds as though her mum actually thinks she is the boss of everyone and she might end up pushing her daughter and grandchild away is she doesn't stop this twatty behaviour.

It sounds as though her mum actually thinks she is the boss of everyone and she might end up pushing her daughter and grandchild away is she doesn't stop this twatty behaviour.

I was wondering how much appeasing Op has to do to keep thinks relatively ok with her mum.

When you have a youngster to look after an adult needing to get their way otherwise they sulk soon becomes unimportant I should imagine.

JFC leave OP alone! She's upset because she is going for her scan and her mum hasn't even wished her good luck. OP is stressed and worried and you are being an arsehole to her.

You really shouldn't be around vulnerable people as you seriously lack tact and empathy.

If someone said to me that they'd rather I didn't call myself Mamó as it's too similar to Mama I'd just leave it at that not insist.

On the other hand if someone said to you they’d like to call themselves Mamo - wouldn’t you leave it that and not insist they didn’t?

That seems reasonable to me. The whole “too similar” argument is odd anyway.

On the other hand if someone said to you they’d like to call themselves Mamo - wouldn’t you leave it that and not insist they didn’t?

If I was really against it then I'd probably say so.

The whole dynamic seems odd though & there's no way that when I was 12 wks pregnant my mum would have been telling what she would be called.

No real Irish connection?! They're Irish!!!

Play the long game, refer to her as Momo or Granmo in private, they will take your lead and if she complains just say oh little one has chosen your name.

I don’t recall at what point my mum announced it but she did. I thought it was cute she’d thought about it. Why wouldn’t you want your mum to have the name she wants? particularly as it’s cultural.

Am in Ireland too and never heard of mamó. It won't sound like mama because it's the vowel that will be pronounced. Baby will more likely call her mó. Honestly I don't think you get to decide this, it's not worth a fight. She may have thought your baby name was a stupid one too, you never know. GPs are so important, suck this one up for the sake of your relationship.

Trust me, you will be WAY too busy to give this another thought once your baby arrives. It does not matter, and a few years down the line, you will be amazed that you even were upset by this! (that's my prediction anyway) My parents, in the USA, decided on MorMor and FaFa, which is some kind of Danish thing, I think. We all actually loved it because it just sounded so funny and unusual. You'll have way bigger and more stressful fish to fry down the road. I'd let it go 100%.

Your baby will know perfectly well who their mother is. There will not be confusion regardless of who is called what.

I would just point out that choosing a wierd name means they will never get a personalised Christmas / Birthday card….

I would have hated it if my children chose my grandparent name.. But saying that if they really didn't like my choice I would have changed it!
My grandchildren call me all sorts now 🤣
Also I believe you should only have that name, don't believe you should be granny to some and nanny etc to others

Not weird. Is Italian. But an acceptable name.

A friend of mine and her husband both had mums called Anne. His mum tried to bagsie being called Granny Anna before their first child was born. Not sure what happened but it caused annoyance at the time and seems a bit chidish and self-centred to me.