Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

My sisters kids call my mum mama which is also what my mum called her mums mum, no idea why. Her kids call my sister mum/mummy and have no problem identifying who their mother is. It’s just a name. It doesn’t take anything away from you as your child’s mother.

I wouldn’t worry too much, your children will choose their own name. My dad wants to just be called his name “john” which my SIS really objected to (although she doesn’t have kids) my DS calls him “granny John” (progressing from “dada John”) I think because he knows other johns 😆 to my SIS it’s a bit of a victory for a grumpy man that didn’t want to be a grandpa/grandad etc. it backfired as DS doesn’t know a grandad word but DM is “granny” so he is granny John as they come together IYSWIM.

In my experience in Ireland no one would call their granny mamó unless they were native Irish speakers, so why on earth would your mum want to do this other than to draw attention to herself. I have had similar experiences with grandparents going a bit nuts at first - it’s a huge change in their position in the family so I think it’s a bid for control. I would park it for the moment - tell her it is too early to be deciding on this kind of thing when you are still relatively early in your pregnancy. Keep changing the subject and don’t let her spoil what should be a happy time for you. You have my sympathy though - I would find it completely maddening especially when it sounds like a pattern of behaviour. But if you give it less oxygen she might get bored of it. She’s probably enjoying the drama of the disagreement. Also when your child is born he/she will spend a lot more time with you, so if you refer to ‘your granny’ that is probably what will stick.

It's more mom-owe than mam-owe

It may not be a straightforward case of ‘six of one’ though. The OP knows her mother, we don’t, but if she’s anything like mine - ie incapable of seeing past her own wants and needs - no amount of reflection will make a scrap of difference.

My Mum and MIL are both referred to as Nana Forename. Is it something like that? I really wouldn’t have a problem with something like that.

You're being weirdly controlling about this. It's not your title, so it shouldn't be up to you to decide what your mother will be called. Let your mother be called what she likes.

I don’t particularly like it but let it go. Maybe the baby will pick a name that they prefer anyway 🤷‍♀️

I plan to be Grandma and I can’t wait! (No grandchildren pending but planning ahead) 😂

No, Munster Irish. Emphasis on the second syllable -perhaps I should have used “ow” as in “show” rather than “oh” though.😁 We seem to put the emphasis on the second syllable in everything! (Thinking of cailín, babóg, fuinneog, cathaoir, for example.)

I think correcting her pronunciation is about as much as you can realistically do and I would definitely correct her pronounciation. That said, kids will ofter decide so you can always subtly influence that. My mil decided on granny but is nanny as the eldest couldn't pronounce granny.

I don't have gc yet but mamó is what I plan on using providing dil/sil don't object. But my dc all went to gealscoileanna and while I don't speak Irish on a daily basis, the language is important to me and I speak it whenever I have the opportunity.

Kindly OP, get over yourself.

I very much doubt you have heard Irish children calling their mother that. Mammy would be the traditional term in English. Mamaí is the Irish for mammy and mathair is the Irish for mother.

At least its an actual Grandparent name.

My dm wanted to be called Loveday (completely outing hence name change) I personally hated it, but some of her gc call her that and some a diminutive.

When my dc were young, I would avoid using a name at far as possible, and would call her "mums mum" or "my mum".

My dc are much older now, and will call her that in her presence, as they are polite and loving, but at home, its "your mum" l. I think its very sad.

I hope your scan goes well today.

As Mnetters used to say 'is this the hill you want to die on' - I get that you're feeling some sort of way about it, I get that you don't want trampled over and you want to have boundaries upheld buuuuut....it's just a name, it means very little, and who cares if she doesn't speak the language that it came from, she thinks it suits her and is it really going to do anyone any harm?

You don't have to use the word she's chosen, you can call her GrannyXXX and there's nothing she can do about that either.

Mamo is so cute.
My kids call me 'Maman' and we are not French.

My kids call my MIL Nain despite only her being Welsh and her own children calling their grandmother Grandma!!! I rolled my eyes a lot but we just got on with it. It's never been commented on to be fair, and nursery just call her Nan as if I've mispronounced it 😅

I don't think it's a big deal. If there are more than one granny 'name' saves confusion. I never told any granny what they should name themselves, but it tends to be the mum who says granny is coming or granny 'name' is coming or whatever to the child, so that tends to stick.

Just keep saying to the child here's granny/Nana. They will decide.

I started out as Nana at the baby stage then went to Nan aged 3-4 but from the age of 5 I became 'Winda'.
Our 5 grandchildren are now very late teens.

What!??! Loveday !!! Where did she come up with that idea.

I called my MIL Granny instead of the local term because I thought it sounded too much like Mummy. I still always refer to her as Granny but the kids followed their cousins and used the local term.

I am trying to be “Granny” but so far my 20 month (eldest) grandson has so far called me Dad, Babe and most recently Mam. I see him loads.

YANBU paired with the birthday thing I think you're going to have to have strong boundaries moving forward as it seems she wants to be more than nan. It's not going be just a cake and a name. You're only 12 weeks, it'll be constant "my grandchild isn't doing whatever" "you need to do this" demands for alone time. Telling you how to feed your baby. Feeding them things you've said not to. You need to have strong boundaries. "I'm their mum, that's not up to you to decide."

Call her nan, anytime she argues for mamo just say "don't be ridiculous, you're not even pronouncing it right and it's too close to mama."

I wouldn't put up with any of that glammar shit either personally. Either people trying to be unique or trying to be a second mum, you're a grandparent like millions of other people, make life easy for your grandkids and don't make them call you stupid shit to their friends.

Wishing you a good scan today.

OP fwiw - I am NI catholic and also lived in the south for many years and have never heard of Mamó before.

I think you are totally right. I called both my grannies Granny Lastname. Must be a NI thing? As a result my own mum didn’t want to be Granny last name as to her that was her MIL deceased. So she chose Nanny Firstname which I wasn’t wild about but grew to love she she only has it for a year very sadly 😢

Has she suggested Mamó I’d have said no. Your mum does sound very boundary less. I don’t think you are being pfb about this. It’s an odd choice.

Does it matter though, how much you have heard it ?
I agree with pps, it’s up to her to choose. When I had my dc both grandmothers chose their names.
Honestly don’t fall out with your mum over this, it’s going to be her name, after all. Having a grandparent who loves you is such a gift, as your baby gets older it won’t matter at all what name your Mum chose.

Yeah but you’re their mother???

However you’d also get an eye roll from me if I heard non French speaking kids / family using the term “maman “ except as a joke …

Just Let her be called whatever she wants. It doesn’t really matter.

Although just seen your update that she’s a PITA. God, I am so sorry. It must be awful to have a mother like that. Mine died when I was little but I sure she would have probably been like that too. Who needs enemies when you have a mother, eh?

(As an aside, my friend has just become a grandmother at 47. She feels too young to be called Nanny or Grandma. She’s going to be Pipsy and her husband, Popsy. People thought she was joking when she announced it and they all laughed. She was not happy).

Tbh I do think you're being a bit dramatic about it. Your baby is not going to be confused about who is Mama and who is Mamo.

Incidentally, I always assumed I'd be Mummy when they were little and Mum when they were older. But DC decided to call me Mama (which I used to think I'd hate but now find cute) or Maman (we have no French links!) - I think Mama came from copying Bingo (Bluey)! Your child might surprise you.