Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

Mamo Notions is perfect!

I’ve always loved the Irish “notions” thing. We don’t have a term in England that so perfectly describes the behaviour.

Notions beyond her station is how we would put it 😆 🤣

I must be doing grandparenting wrong, the parents told me what they’d like me to be called and I said yes. It’s not the name I’d have chosen and whilst I’d have never said anything I wasn’t that keen initially but whatever my granddaughter calls me is said with love so perfect.

I hosted quite a few of the early birthday parties including the 1st birthday at the parents request which has been lovely, school friends parties take precedence now.

Grandparents need to remember they have had their turn at parenting and that grandparenting is wonderful but they are not the main characters in their grandchildren’s lives.

I’m from NI and know lots of kids who call their grandparents Mamo and dado (can’t do fadas on my phone). Mamo doesn’t sound like mama as it has a very clear ‘O’ sound at the end. Some pronunciations you’re hearing are different dialects that you wouldn’t hear in NI.
Plus a baby usually says ‘mama’ for a very short period (when they’re just learning speak) before then moving on to mummy (in NI) or mum, so very limited confusion. I think you’re being a bit precious about this and it isn’t worth the overthinking.

If you're in Northern Ireland don't stress about it.
After all in a few years you'll be moved from "Mammy" to "The Ma" to "The Ould Doll"...

Got a lot of love for "Mamo Notions" as well !!

I don’t like Mamo - agree it sounds too close to mamma and mammy which is what you’ll be called if you’re in Ireland. I’ve a friend who uses it but she’s a fluent speaker and also called her grandparents the same but if thats the tradition it’s different.

I would just say here’s nanna and if your mam wants to say mamo let her on. You’ll be with the kid more. Your mother sounds hard work so I’d set down some boundaries before baby arrives.

no it’s not normal to have a party at nanny’s too @GrannyNameDrama

Good luck with the scan and I hope it works out with your mum. Years ago my MIL announced she would be called mama and my DH put his foot down on my behalf. MIL was upset as her other grandchild called her that however that was agreed-upon by her daughter (my SIL). Fine if it works for them. For me, mama is what I call my mum.

MIL circled through several options after being upset for a while. We settled on grandmama, but because we hardly see her anyway, it doesn’t make any sort of impact on who my DC recognises as mum/mama/mummy. I personally love being called mama! I would never dream of demanding any future grandchildren call me a name my DC was unhappy with.

I do like Mamó Notions. My mother had definite notions. She wanted to be called Grandma but pronounced grandmaw. She's grandma with all of the gc and she got over it pretty quickly. I think it was just a brief rush of blood to the head.

Móraí is another word for granny in Irish that children use OP, if your mother wants to stick with an Irish language name but you dislike Mamó. It is or was used in parts of the country (Donegal and parts of Mayo I’ve heard, but I’m not from there so not certain).
It comes from máthair mhór.

Where I am it would be pronounced as Moor-ee more or less, but further up the country as More-ee. There’s a link beow, but the Ulster person seems to say it with a b sound which I don’t understand. A pp said they were from the Donegal Gaeltacht iirc, so they might know?
https://www.teanglann.ie/ga/fuaim/M%c3%b3ra%c3%ad

The emphasis in names, ie whether the emphasis is on the first or second syllable, varies depending on dialect too.

I don't think this is the hill to die on. There will be occasions where disagreements are very much more important than a name and you need to keep your powder dry for that.

Also, it's her choice not yours. Everything else about the baby is your choice but what she wants to be called is hers.

Honestly I would take a deep breath and just let it go for now.

You're obviously going to be at the mercy of hormones right now and combine that with your mum being a 'strong personality' it's going to make for a stressful pregnancy.

I can see where you're coming from - however if she's willing to take on board the correct pronounciation it is fairly distinct from 'mama' (there's a YouTube video you can show her). She might also change her mind over the next six months.

Finally - whatever she decides to be called, your baby may end up calling her something different. My dad started as Grandpa, but DD never managed the 'grand' bit so he became Papa - which technically means 'dad' but it never bothered my XH and I ended up calling my dad Papa as well!

I’m really surprised at the hard time you are getting. This is your moment, you are the one in early pregnancy. She’s done this all already. It’s quite understandable you don’t want your child calling a grandparent a word that’s very close to mama. It sounds like there’s a history of your mum being a bit controlling and I think she should pipe down here.

I am judging myself. I dislike my own mother’s Hyacinth Bucket tripe, but this did not stop me having an aversion to Mammar. I come from East Midlands where Mammar was popular but I hated it. My mother must have made comments when I was young.

I was very happy when my daughter’s partner told me that his Italian father’s mother was alive and well. DP calls her Nonna. The grandchild to meet her so that he will be able to take part in a tv baling contest. All the participants seem to have memories of learning to bake with Nonna.

She would hate this because the direct translation of máthair mhór is big mother. She would hate any association with being “big”, even though she is absolutely tiny. She has told me that she had so much morning sickness when she was pregnant with me that she was the same weight full-term as when she got pregnant. As if that is something to be proud of.
But thank you for the thoughtful suggestion, it is appreciated

But they have no real Irish connection. She even tried to convince op to not learn Irish.

Hope the scan goes well OP. From how you’ve described her, your mum isn’t suddenly going to have a come to Jesus moment and suddenly decide she’s wrong about this. If anything she’s likely to drill down more. (I wonder if you think she’s gone with this name intentionally because it’s so similar to mama.)

So nodding and smiling is going to be your friend here. The first few years may be tricky, it may feel like a power struggle. I’ve been there. But once your child is a toddler and they can say what they want things get a whole lot easier.

On this one though, call your mum granny to your child a home, if she wants to go with Mamo, let her.

I think it translates more like great mother or senior mother perhaps, than literally meaning physically big.

To add, one of the most popular names for women in medieval Ireland was Mór.

Sorry this is so stressful for you. I hope everything goes well for you today with your scan.

I do think the grandparents can decide what to be called (I let grandparents/great grandparents decide) The baby will know you're his/her mum, it will not impact anything at all.

Don’t placate to get. She doesn’t even care about not giving you stress at this stage. She didn’t call her grandmother mamo, she didn’t teach you to call yours mamo, she is just being difficult because she is not ready to be a grandmother.

I think Irish people’s connection to the language can be complicated. You definitely don’t have to speak it well to feel connected to it. I don’t know about OP’s mother specifically though.

To be fair, my mum is Irish and loves Irish traditional music and dance. We live in Ireland. She just has never expressed any interest in the Irish language until now. In fact, she specifically didn’t give her own children Irish-language first names because she didn’t want us to struggle with people not knowing how to pronounce them. This feels very left-field

But if she feel connection to the language/culture, why would you discourage your dd from learning that language? Now suddenly she wants an Irish word for grandma maybe because where she lives it’s unique.

My 4yo calls me mama (‘mumma’) she just took it up of her own accord. I do like it!
and the op has said 10 times that her mum says Mamo like mama and that would be confusing to a baby. I’d say no, not text her about my scan and let her stew. She doesn’t have any deep connection to it, it’s the ops only baby and she should be able to sort this out now and relax with her baby and not have these issues.

MIL wanted to be called Nanny when DC were born (which I personally hate the sound of). I wanted her to be Gran or Grandma. Once she realised my preference, she would correct her husband if he referred to her as Nanny to DC, but I could tell she'd rather be Nanny so ended up going with that. I still hate the sound of Nanny though - makes me think of goats😫

Ultimately I think it should be your mum's choice, unless she's chosen something really awful and made up.

Yabu. I’m in Ireland. I know lots of mamós. Not limited to Irish speakers. No one ever confuses it for meaning mother, mam, mammy, mum etc etc
I think the grandparent should get to choose what they wish to be known as.