Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

I only had granny’s and expected my mum to be granny too, she decided she wanted to be grandma as that’s what she had. I didn’t like it but it grew on me and it was handy to differentiate between my children’s other grandmother who was granny. I’d let it go.

It's usually for grandparents to choose (see users name). Both DH and I have unusual grandparent names linked to our heritage. Our DIL refers to us in those terms in our GD's presence.

Your mum sounds exactly like mine! When you visit her do you wonder which version of her will turn up?! I get the cake thing too btw.

I also get the name because I could see how this would play out with my mum. baby says “mammammama” (me, internally, omg she’s speaking she’s saying my name, so special.) me to my mum “ she’s saying mummy! “
My mum, she’s saying my name, her first words were my name, takes a millions videos and posts on social media.

you are absolutely right she can’t use that name.

I live in Belfast and know quite a few mamós. Irish is gaining popularity.

Grandparents usually get to choose what they're called don't they?

It's very common where I live ! It's not just confined to Gaeltacht areas. Its beautiful and not worth fighting over.

I was Grandma but my granddaughter couldn't say it so I became Mammar, I didn't choose it but I like it 😊

If it's something like mama, then no def not.

Otherwise it's her choice. Your SC will decide what to call her anyways which largely depends on their developing speech.. My mum wanted to be grandma, my kids call her that but my neice and nephew call her nanny and she hates it...

In a few years when you are negotiating the size of the toast slicing down to the millimeter you will no longer worry about the things that are not life and death.

Unless its grannybummcgrannybumface

Chances are kiddo will make his mind up of you on that. I ended up calling my gran something totally random and it stuck for all the grandchildren.

Mama though? Yuck. Just call yourself Mum. Unless you are Italian or Spanish.

I had our YABU but now I've read your updated I think your mother sounds quite horrible and a massive hypocrite if she also has an opinion on what your child will call you.

I mean I don’t think you get to choose tbh. My dad doesn’t like grandad because it “makes him feel old” (he’s 72 going on 17) so 90% of the time my kids refer to him as “pal” or “mate” because that’s what he calls them. Was a bit weird first time he picked DD up from reception and she was saying “aye there’s ma pal” and pointing at him and the teacher was confused not realising that her pal is her grandad.

Totally OT but 'Ganga' made me giggle, it's a term for marijuana where I come from.

Yep, I grew up in that area or similar. Neither of my grandmothers were called Mammar, as my mum thought it 'common'. But I was probably the only kid in my class who didn't have a Mammar!

She's being unreasonable solely for bringing your Dad into it

@GrannyNameDrama ask yer ma if she wants the child to call her after a patisserie in St George's Market i mBéal Feirste

The worst I've heard is pops (grandfather) and popsy (grandma) just urgh .

Tell her she is giving you unnecessary stress at this stage, which you don’t appreciate.
Manipulating own child when they are carrying a baby is so unkind. Do not listen to her.

This exactly. Especially the red flag going forward part.

She sounds controlling. As she hasn’t immediately got her own way she is punishing you by not speaking to you even though she knows you have your scan imminently and are vulnerable. If my daughter had said that she didn’t like the name I had chosen to be called I would have changed it immediately and would not have wanted to upset her.

Stand up to her now or you’ll have no chance once the baby arrives. Your baby, your rules.

Ganga is a holy river in India, originating from Himalayas, and Ganja is marijuana.

I did same as your DD and he was Daddad for ever more (also my Dad's dad, so made sense in a way). But yeah, beyond a young child being unable to say a long word, I would not be tolerating a grandmother trying to force a name that sounded like a common word for mother. Not her place, not her relationship. Stay strong in this OP!

It's not a standard Irish word for grandmother. It's a regional word used mainly in Connemara. Around 25 years ago, the Department of Education changed the primary school curriculum and chose Mamó to replace the more formal Seanmháthair and children's publishers, translating children's books to Irish adopted Mamó due to it's use in schools.

The idea that it's the Irish phrase for granny/nans is bullshit. It's an Irish phrase used by a minority from a small area, falsely imposed by committee on the rest of us. And your mother has almost certainly picked it due to it's similarity to mama. If either my DM or my MIL had wanted to be called Mamó, the only way I'd accept it, is if it was what I/my DH had called our grandmothers. If it had family history, I'd accept it. If not, I'd view it as a narcissistic attempt to undermine the specialness of my role as mother. If it was supposedly some desire to reconnect with the Irish language, I'd tell them to research what the local informal word for seanmháthair was, not some lazy twenty first century push from the DoE.

My mum wanted Mama initially which I really dislike the sound of and I told her so, it’s down to personal preference but I do think you should have a say in it if you will hear it a lot. Your child may decide on their own name for them though.

Nearly ALL babies go through a stage of calling all men “ daddy “ and all women “ mummy “. The same as they call all animals “ cat “ or doggy “ or their own pets name and all birds “ duck “ or “ quack quack “. And all vehicles “ car “ or “ bus “ .

It’s just a stage of language development when they think that word belongs to a whole category of things . Which makes perfect sense as all flowers are called “ flower”.

And no, it doesn’t usually cause great upset to the mum, because the baby is usually at least 10 months old by then and knows perfectly well who their mum is. It’s just a word error, it’s not mistaken identity.

Most mums are just excited that their baby is starting to talk and crawl.

So you can’t avoid it. All you can avoid is getting upset about it . Otherwise you need to avoid going to the supermarket or toddler group or anywhere your baby might see other women.

And don’t ever let them go to school, as they all call the infant teacher “mummy” at least a few times .

And don’t have more than one child yourself , in case YOU call them by their sibling’s name. Or the cat’s.

And let your mum chose her own name, the same as you get to choose your child’s name. This isn’t worth having a huge fight about - my advice is to choose your battles carefully and only choose those you can win.

This is a good lesson to learn in life , especially when you have a toddler.