Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

Gently @GrannyNameDrama you're 12 weeks pregnant and this little baby won't be calling her anything for about two years. Nod and smile "that's an idea mum". Let nature take its course.

TBF DS and DIL told me that DIL's mum wanted to be Grandma and was I OK with Gran. Yes fine. But the baby had at least been born.

Best of luck for your scan and pg.

What did she call her own grandmothers?

I’m from Northern Ireland too and like you have never heard anyone use this in real life. It’s all granny, nanny or nana here.

To be honest though I think it’s sad that we don’t know how to speak our own language and I can see why your mum would choose this.

I probably wouldn’t mind it when the baby is old enough speak more, but in the very early stages when most children’s first words are mama and dada, I don’t want to add mamo into the mix. Once the baby is old enough we will be mummy and daddy, as that is the norm here. But until then I would prefer her not to be something so similar.
I’m sure we all know of or have heard of occasions where the baby calls someone else mama and it causes great upset to the mum - yes, probably mainly because of postpartum hormones. So I would like to avoid that as much as possible in the early days

I'd make sure that you always referred to your mother as Granny to your child at every opportunity. Just repeat constantly, Here's Granny, let's go to Granny's house and just ignore any pandering to your mother. Oh, and start practicing NO a lot more often or it sounds as though she will make your life hell with her demands over your child. She has had her time being a mother, it's your turn now and time for you to toughen up and stand your ground or risk being walked over. You can love someone without being a doormat.

Too close to mama in my opinion. Sorry to say but she’s going to be a complete nightmare when baby arrives by the sounds of it. So might aswell get used to tell her no. Sooner she respects your parenting choices the sooner she will settle into the new role

Granny surname for both of them I think. I called my mum’s mum Granny surname too. Seems a bit formal now thinking of it but it was normal to us

I think you should suggest Gamo.

Oh god cringe….I’d ignore that too.

Our DC called then Grandma first name.

I am in lreland and Mamo is quite common in my circles and none of them are fluent lrish speakers. Two of my best friends are Mamo . My gc calls me Nana Jane...not my real name but she uses my real name with Nana. Could you accept Mamo Susan or whatever so its no way confused with Mom. My dd is pregnant at the moment and there is no way l would get into a discussion with her about what l will be called..it will just evolve. My mom was called Nana Flossie as that was her dogs name!! Just leave it. You are upsetting yourself when you need to be low stress.
But nobody l know would blinnk an eye at Mamo..its not unusual.

im pretty easy going about stuff like this, but I understand OP. My son was my MIL’s first grandchild and I’m fairly sure she’d given up hope of have grandkids (she was 75 when my son was born).

she tried to have herself referred to as Mom-Anne. Her name is Anne and apparently it’s the thing in Canada (where she’s from) for the grandmother to be called Mom-[whatever their name is].

i absolutely put my foot down because no way was that happening. Who am I to my kids? Mom-bunnypenny? Fuck that.

anyway, she’s now Granny-Annie.

If she had ever expressed an interest in learning Irish I might be somewhat less annoyed by this, but it honestly feels very performative to me. I did Irish for GCSE and I remember her telling me it was a waste and that I should choose “a more useful language”. She wouldn’t even know how to say, “this is my grandchild” in Irish, so it feels very fake. But honestly if it was Irish and not so close to mama I wouldn’t be as bothered

Yes I agree I wouldn’t be keen purely based on similarities to mama. I’d tell her to rethink and that you can discuss it at a later date. If she refuses to drop it I’d ignore her refer to her as granny to everyone including baby.
it sounds like you are going to have to have some firm boundaries when baby arrives.

I agree and I’m Donegal Gaeltacht irish.

This!!!

Amazed she’s thought about this at only 12 weeks! Goodness!
Why does she want to cause you upset this early? Very strange!

If she is difficult, like you say, you maybe need to message her with something like ‘I’m not ok with the name you mentioned because I think it’s similar to mama. You’ll need to choose between nan or grandma, (or whatever you prefer!) but you’ve got quite a while to choose!’

I wouldn’t worry about it too much, it will be you who says ‘shall we go and see grandma’ etc, so you’ll get to set the tone of that a bit……I’m just astounded she wants to control the situation so early on/clearly isn’t worried about your feelings or that she might cause you stress! Sounds like a nightmare….

Good luck! 🌻

Thank you. I’m glad you put your foot down because that is insane! And granny Annie is lovely

we called both our grandfathers Granda-firstname

Yeah, I’d find it performative and slightly pretentious. I’m Irish and the only person I know who uses Mamó comes from a big Gaelgoir family.

On the other hand, I don’t think it sounds like Mama.

Appreciate your not looking for solutions but Nana or Nona sound like potential comprise alternatives

It's not Mamo it's Mamó .
There is a clesr difference.between Mama and Mamó. It's becoming more widely used in Ireland and increasingly used in many areas of the North. It's a lovely name.

I like it (Irish but not a native speaker).
It doesn’t sound that much like Mama imho, though children usually say Mammy where I am anyway. I know that varies depending on location etc though.

Mamó sounds more like Mom-oh
https://www.teanglann.ie/ga/fuaim/mam%c3%b3

Hope you can work it out OP 💐

Grandparent names should be something decided and agreed between both parties. More so by the parents. My DH didn’t like why his parents were called but the other grandchildren, but seeing as they had 1/2 call them something different he felt he could suggest something else to them. That everyone was comfortable with

Regarding the cake stand, my mothers DGC and now DGGC always have a cake at grandma’s. In fact we all have to have a birthday cake at grandma’s because the DGC love the singing and blowing out the candles. You’ll have mummy friends and babies at your house for the 1st birthday, allow your DM to organise a family party and cake at hers, she can do all the hardwork. I agree with you on the name, it’s far to like Mama, just refer to her as Grandma/whatever.

Ok she’s definitely not pronouncing it correctly then because she’s saying Mamó like Mama! Very much with a mam not a mom noise

Gently OP, it’s not a huge deal. Mamó is cute and your baby won’t confuse the two of you because of it. I didn’t really mind what my mum was called by DS aside from Nana (because that’s what I called my Grandmother and in hindsight she was a nasty old bitch). We have Grandma, Grandad and then Farmor for his Swedish Grandma. In time he’ll probably invent his own names for them anyway. I called my Grandad ‘Gongonk’ for years, stemming from not initially being able to pronounce Grandad.