Gran Name Drama

[GrannyNameDrama]

AIBU to not want my mum to use a granny-name that I really don’t like? I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby. This will be my mum’s first grandchild. I assumed she would want to be known as granny or nanny - both very common where I live. She announced on Saturday, “I’ve decided I’ll be X (granny-name). It is not a common way to refer to a granny here and I really don’t like it.
She isn’t used to me telling her no very often. When I told her I didn’t want her to be called X she got very cross & tried to manipulate & guilt-trip me into getting her own way, including bringing up my dad who has passed away, saying he would have wanted to be called the male equivalent of the uncommon granny-name. But I know he wouldn’t, because I spoke to him about it on his deathbed. I feel so guilty he never got to meet his grandchild and I’ve been struggling with that throughout my pregnancy.
It got very heated and I left her house in tears. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and I have my 12 week scan tomorrow. I am wondering am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I stand my ground considering how much she upset me. Is it common for grandparents to decide how they’ll be referred as or do the parents normally decide that?

YABU she can choose
YANBU you should be happy with the name your child calls her

I actually thought this was a bit unfair till I saw what the word was!

my MIL wants to be called the Scottish version, it's very obscure and my son can't say it. He's called her mum mum which I HATE because my mum passed before he was born and never met him.

really hurts but his dad says I'm being unreasonable

Thanks for all the opinions, both ways. I agree it’s way too early to be discussing this and hoping it will blow over in time. Off to bed now - big day with the scan tomorrow. Thanks all x

Granny Surname was normal for us too. Although my own children just use Granny/Granda.

You mentioned in a previous comment about "early days", but by the time your baby is saying mama it won't be early days anymore, so perhaps you'll have relaxed a bit more about it.

My second child called me "mama" for the first 2-3 yrs of her life, despite me only being referred to as mum/mummy in our house!

My oldest also couldn't say Granny when she was younger, so called her something else, I won't say it as it would be outing.

My point being that when children start speaking, they tend to say whatever they are able to which might not be what you intend, just go with the flow while they're learning to talk 😊

Grandparents get to choose before the baby can talk. Once they can talk they’ll often come up with their own name…

Sorry but she gets to decide what she is called, not you. I never had a gran/nan - I had an Ouma (dutch/Afrkaans) and a Dadijaan (urdu/Kashmiri). They both refused to answer to ‘Nanny’ (as that was a job title) and grandma was too ‘old’.

If I am blessed to be a grandmother, I want to be Ouma too.

Good luck ❤️

I’m Canadian and I have never heard of that Mom-name thing before. My grandparents were Grandpa and Grandma and my British grandfather was also Grandpa.
We didn’t use Nanny in Canada when I was growing up but maybe they do now. I’ve lived in the UK for quite a while.
My British friend used to say that she would never be called Nanny as that was what she thought of as ‘the help’.
My grandchildren call me Grandma although my youngest granddaughter calls me Baba as she can’t yet say Grandma. Quite endearing.

I'm in Belfast it's getting very common here I really like it but I love the Irish language and thinks it's a beautiful pronunciation

i have friends who call their grandas Papa and I called one of my granny's Mammy 'hername'. You're baby will call you mummy so it won't sound the same as Mamo anyway

All of this will fade once your baby is with you. You will also find that things evolve in their own way.

My DD's first word was 'gone'. Her second was 'down'. She copied me and called her dad by his first name. When she was about five, she started calling me 'mamma', having called me 'mummy' previously. My mother-in-law chose to be called something from her county that is not used in mine, with neither being the 'granny' I used as a child.

Control only what is controllable and retain your sanity.

Good luck with your scan!

I think mamo (if she’s pronouncing how it’s spelt) is definitely too similar to mama and so I’d not be keen (unless you were Irish speakers). I used to think I’d be happy for my mum to choose any name she wanted and then a friends mum was adamant she was too old to be a granny and was going to be called Glam-ma which I thought was awful! Luckily my mum went with a more standard grandparent name!

Your Mum sounds exhausting and I can totally understand why this feels like a step too far. But this baby is yours, not hers - your mum won’t be able to take “mama” away from you however much she bulldozes. Stay firm with your boundaries - good practice for the toddler years ;)
Best of luck with your scan tomorrow!

YAB a little unreasonable, but I can see why you think it would be confused with Mamma. Hopefully she will compromise with something you don't hate.

My mum always wanted to be known as Granny but when I had DD and she was learning to talk, she started calling my mum mimin one day and it has just stuck and now DD and DS call her by this. Mum loves it because it is unique but my point is you and your mum may have differing views on what name she'll go by but then your LO may come up with something completely different anyway

We never as a family delved to much into it.. it was a straight Nan and grandad when we were with either sets of grandparents, and when we were referring to them it was Nan and granddad * surname and the same with the others. Although you might find your child ends up choosing. Dd called FIL rat rat because she couldn’t pronounce grandad and he called her mouse mouse. It was thier little thing, even when she could pronounce it she still called him rat rat right up until he died last year. She was 12. My kids call my mum nanny, my dad grandad (His first name). It’s just how it came about and we never forced it.

Nope, sorry. People get to decide what they are called. The name she has chosen is fine. It would be controlling in the extreme for you to dictate to your mum what her grandchild calls her.

I had the exact same situation with my mum earlier this year. Didn’t want to be the regular nanny, granny, grandma etc. I told her she could be called whatever she wanted, within reason. First was Mamo too (her mother, my grandmother, is Irish). I shut that down straight away as it sounds too much like mummy or mama. I do not want my child to be confused. My mum understood this because ultimately, it’s my baby and not hers. I also rejected Nonna as we are not Italian and felt she was clutching at straws. We settled and COMPROMISED on Meemaw. Your mother needs to compromise also. She’s been a cow to upset you, to be honest. Really not good from her.

Nonna is Italian.

Your mother's unreasonable behaviour will only escalate so better practise setting your boundaries now before she gets going!

I would be telling her to do one, nana or grandma

I’m from NI and I called my mamó Mamó. It’s lovely. Let her off

I think it was a “her” thing, definitely not a Canadian thing!! I have Canadian relatives and lived there while at university, it’s def not a thing. My husband put her straight fairly quickly when I spoke to him about it hence a different name.

But I suppose the Mom-Anne thing was something she’d built up in her head over the years, imagining what it would be like having a grandchild. I’ll (try to) give her grace.

Babies don’t speak so you thankfully won’t be postpartum when your baby is talking, nor will it be early days.

Do you live in America? I’d find it very odd to meet a Mamaw that wasn’t from the southern states.

Just wondering though what is the male equivalent?

The male equivalent in Irish is Daideo, pronounced Dad-oh more or less.

www.teanglann.ie/ga/fuaim/daideo

Do you speak Irish? Because I have never heard Mamó pronounced anything like Mama.

Also, it’s spelt Mamó, not Mamo.

If she wants an Irish grandmother name, suggest Seanmhathair? She won't want to be old mother.

If she's saying mam-oh it is wrong, it's mOm-oh and she could easily become moo-moo from a baby trying to call her Mom-oh

We were taught Gaelic in school and everyone I knew still had Nanas.