We have had a decent chat with DD and her BF this evening. Our approach tonight has been to treat it like a fact finding mission; to find out what their expectations are and how realistic their ideas are.
I will update you on the conversation tomorrow as I am exhausted.
In the meantime, I meant to post this last night but my brain fog is terrible at the moment.
Thank you for those who have congratulated DDs on her results. She wants to be a drama teacher.
Yes, we are only just holding it all together. The comments have been a timely reminder to put ourselves first a bit more. We will be discussing the bedroom situation as a family and see what they come up with first. With DS’s autism this often works best.
DH is firmer than I but we both do stick to boundaries. Always have done, and we make a good team.
DH has a family who struggled at times. We had different upbringings; his family definitely had less money so I am letting him lead the conversation about finance. He understands the reality of being up a child from a family who struggled. My DM and DF both worked so it was easier for me.
I had always intended to work at least PT after the eldest was born but their heart condition meant I couldn’t. Then when they went to school they struggled and I became their carer. I was called into school on a regular basis and working was impossible.
I loved the little job I had and managed my condition and my caring role at the same time. I would love something similar that but post Covid the funding available for small organisations and charities has shrunk.
Yes to being crystal clear about what we can and cannot do/help with/afford. Maybe type up those points and email them to everyone to remind them of the conversation.
Rent is brutal atm in our City, but doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It’s just a case of being tenacious; it took us months to find this place and our landlord is very good. We can always ask him if he has something available as he has a lot of properties locally.
You are right at not being able to stand by and see DD and Baby go without but DH and I will have a frank discussion about what we can and can’t do. And this will then be talked over so we are very very transparent from the get go.
I haven’t spoken to BFs family but would like to with permission from the BF.
DH now has a small amount of freelance work with more in the pipeline. He has also secured a desk away from home through an old contact. He gets an excellent daily rate luckily. Hopefully we can get off UC as soon as possible.
We have checked we are getting all the money we are entitled to thank you. Although I am going to arrange a carer’s review to see if they can offer me anything. I have never been to one of the local groups so that would be a start.
We will be going through living expenses and predicted expenses for when baby arrives. DD has had control of her own money for college expenses/travel/clothes and entertainment so she isn’t unaware. Budgeting for a flat and baby, however is a whole new world and she needs to understand the wider implications, that babies grow into children and teens. She is indeed being very naive but not wilfully; she is just young and wants to get on with her life. I think that she can be educated about the reality of her situation but I will let you know what happens.