Was I unreasonable to object to my daughter sharing my PIN?

[LaSorbonne26]

Are my feelings unreasonable?
I've just returned from a week's holiday with extended family, near my daughter's home. Early in the week, she hosted a gathering, and I gave her my debit card to pay for the food which I often do, very happily.

At the party, I asked her for my card back as I have gone home without it in the past. She requested it from her new partner who pulled it out of his back pocket. I must have looked surprised so she explained that he'd picked up the food to help her out and she'd had to give him him my pin code to do so. I told her that this made me feel very uncomfortable but I'd discuss after the party. She said she would not talk about it and dismissed my concern.
All week, after that, her partner glared at me when we met and was very curt. I tried to discuss the issue but he told me he was extremely offended that I thought he'd run off with my money, and he walked away from further discussion. I hadn't thought that at all; he's a successful businessman, but I'm not sure why i feel so uncomfortable about the matter. I just feel my bank details are private information.
Neither of them are talking to me now. What should I do?

I would have been fuming 😡 you don’t give your PIN to anyone ( except in emergencies and to someone you 100% trust). You have nothing to apologise for. If this unpleasant behaviour continues suggest he lets you borrow his bank card and give you his PIN, see how he feels then!

You’d commit fraud?

Because when a fraud is reported the bank can’t go round just refunding people without investigating. The investigation includes examination of activity on the account as a whole, not just the fraudulent transaction. They will be actively looking to test your story. With AI it takes a matter of minutes to review all the CCTV footage of the card being used and flag up someone who doesn’t match your description.

If your bank details are private you shouldn’t share them with your daughter. This is a reason not to because as soon as you share with someone they are out of your control. If your daughter regularly uses the card you should get a card on the account issued in her name. I’d change the PIN ASAP.

If you find it absolutely necessary to give your daughter a bank card, another legal option accepted by banks is to put her down as a second cardholder on a credit card. She will always have it with her and you can set a maximum credit limit on the card and will always be able to monitor her spending.

How was the partner helping the OP out exactly? He was helping the OP's daughter out by using the OP's money for food for their gathering. Time for these grown- ups to use their own money and stop sponging off the OP.

Are you really this naive? The bank doesn't want to pay your account back so they'll look for a reason not to, and finding evidence of other people using your card will give them that reason,

Aside from behave like a scary twat afterwards

My bank literally did just that. Mind you 22 years with them, always in credit, and had never submitted any fraudulent claim before.

I submitted the form saying that I hadn’t made this transaction (it was for £297 to a weird Oman website). Within 48 hours I was refunded and the bank notified that they would pursue. I didn’t hear anything further. That was 10 months ago

This. We are always told never to reveal.our PIN to anyone.

Same.
Card fraud is a huge business and actual convictions are extremely low. From this thread, you'd think that people were getting caught left, right and centre. They aren't.
Banks are getting better at recognising unusual activity though. Last year, the bank didn't even let the money leave my account.

You have misunderstood the thread. Two separate things:

1. bank considers whether or not to reimburse customer who was defrauded. They decide based on whether they think the customer’s actions caused the fraud and whether they can invoke breach of Ts and Cs. Standard.
2. Bank/police pursue fraudsters and recover money from them. Very very rare.

Yes I get that but the chances of op being defrauded and the bank saying well five months ago, a man used your card in Tesco are, let's face it, remote.

And “the man” presumably someone the op trusts who when using the card was NOT defrauding the op. So why would the bank be looking at cctv footage of a transaction that had not been identified by the card holder as being fraudulent

YOU tell the bank what transactions are fraudulent

The bank is not going to waste time investigating transactions that the card holder has NOT identified as fraudulent

Caught? He did what he was asked by the daughter, and then kept the card safe.

I’m not surprised he’s offended.

This is on the daughter, not him.

Agreed

but would you not be concerned that you daughter was with a new partner who behaves like this to feeling offended?

OK, sure. The poster who worked in fraud at a bank was talking nonsense then.

Don't share your PIN. Even my sensible teens don't know mine. They have their own bank cards and I transfer money when needed.

I’d say it’s pretty odd to pocket the card of your latest squeeze’s mum and go to the shop to buy anything! The correct response when presented with the card would be: “Oh no, put that away, I can’t possibly expect your mum to pay and I can’t take her card. Let me buy the food.”

No, the bank equally notices unusual card use and will immediately notify you and/or stop the card. It’s happened to both me and my husband and my parents.

But it would only be unusual card use if the family member with whom I’d entrusted the card was defrauding me

Quite possibly
mumsnet is anonymous
I could say i was the Queen of Sheba

Absolutely ridiculous.
The only thing OP did wrong was actually to trust her DD with her pin when her DD was not worthy of her trust .
Her DD should be apologising to her.

Next time just transfer the money to your DD @InAcmeLyre