Was I unreasonable to object to my daughter sharing my PIN?

[LaSorbonne26]

Are my feelings unreasonable?
I've just returned from a week's holiday with extended family, near my daughter's home. Early in the week, she hosted a gathering, and I gave her my debit card to pay for the food which I often do, very happily.

At the party, I asked her for my card back as I have gone home without it in the past. She requested it from her new partner who pulled it out of his back pocket. I must have looked surprised so she explained that he'd picked up the food to help her out and she'd had to give him him my pin code to do so. I told her that this made me feel very uncomfortable but I'd discuss after the party. She said she would not talk about it and dismissed my concern.
All week, after that, her partner glared at me when we met and was very curt. I tried to discuss the issue but he told me he was extremely offended that I thought he'd run off with my money, and he walked away from further discussion. I hadn't thought that at all; he's a successful businessman, but I'm not sure why i feel so uncomfortable about the matter. I just feel my bank details are private information.
Neither of them are talking to me now. What should I do?

Exactly. The risk is not that your trusted person empties your account, it’s that something happens while that person has your card/PIN - they pass it to someone else? They lose the card or it gets skimmed? Then the bank will not cover any losses because you breached the T&Cs.
No one should be using anyone else’s card or telling people their PIN.

Why can't your DD and her successful business boyfriend pay for their own party food?

Why can't you transfer funds over instead of card and pin?

Ask him for his card and pin and if he refuses flutter your eyelashes and ask why he doesn't trust likkle ole you.

Edit
I agree with others, NOBODY should know your pin.

This.

i don’t like his behaviour at all.

All week, after that, her partner glared at me when we met and was very curt. I tried to discuss the issue but he told me he was extremely offended that I thought he'd run off with my money, and he walked away from further discussion.

My main and Indeed ONLY concern would be that this man is my daughter’s new partner.

Successful business man my arse

No she shouldn't have given her mum's pin number to anybody else. The card shouldn't have been given to the dd in the first place.

Never give your PIN to anyone, whether you trust them or not. Just transfer the money online to their own account.

You're breaking the t&c of your contract with the bank. If your account is defrauded and they find you have shared your PIN (which they do usually via CCTV), the bank are likely to decline any claim as you have not kept your account secure.

Yanbu but I wouldnt bother to discuss the issue again tbh.
I would change my pin and not ever share it with anyone again (you shouldnt anyway)

Every member of my close family know mine!

Well now you know better, change it!

No chance. Why would I? In the OP’s shoes I’d be more focussed on how worried I was my daughter was with someone like this!!

I would never share my PIN with anyone including family.

Because you are breaking the t&c of your contract with the bank. If your account is defrauded and they find you have shared your PIN (which they do usually via CCTV), the bank are likely to decline any claim as you have not kept your account secure.

I have given a debit card with limited funds to the DC when they’ve been going abroad so that they didn’t get hit with exchange rate fees. I change the PIN to theirs so they can use it contactless or not. Once home, it gets set back to my PIN.
They’re now old enough to have the bank account in their names now so this is no longer necessary.
Any other kind of payment in this country is made by them and we bank transfer it back to them. I would never hand over a debit card PIN for the account our salaries are paid into nor the credit card PIN.

I trust my two children and siblings implicitly. So…. Nothing something I need to worry about in any shape or form

Did you miss the bit about breaking t&c and the bank not allowing you to do this? If you lost your card and it was used (by a stranger), you wouldn't have a leg to stand on as you have not kept your PIN secret and they find that out pretty easily even if you lie and say you did keep it secret (as you agreed to do).

It has duck all to do with trusting the people you share it with.

Change the PIN number. Check your bank account.Their reaction is so weird it would make me suspicious.
The normal thing to do would be for DD to say " Sorry Mum, I wasn't really thinking, of course I shouldn't have given out your PIN and I won't do it again."

What is wrong with you? What would you do if your bank account was suspended because you have broken the agreement? Why do you think the rules don’t apply to you?

i trust my two children and two siblings with my life.

My sister cared for babies whilst I was in hospital.

So really… them knowing my pin 🤷‍♀️

I have zero concerns. Zero!

How on earth would the bank know I told my two children and siblings my pin? If I lost my card, I’d cancel it.

There is not even the teeniest tiniest chance my beloved siblings and children would attempt to defraud me!

But it’s not about whether you have concerns! The bank would have concerns.

he's a successful businessman
So why didn't he pay for the food?

These two morons do something wrong and make you out to be a villain? Unbelievable. Everyone knows you're not supposed to share PINs around like it's free candy. Your daughter is the most at fault here, and I would think twice and thrice about giving her my card again. She, or her succesful businessman boyfriend, can pay for their own stuff.

They both sound like utter twats.

Oh FGS, how many times does it need to be explained?

It's not about your family defrauding you. You might lose your card, you might have it nicked or just drop it in the street. Your details might be nicked online. You report it.

The bank start checking footage of the card's usage to see if they can see who nicked it. They look at cash machines and shop transactions. They find all sorts of people using the card, with the PIN. They then know your PIN has been compromised and are not interested in whether you gave the PIN to person 1 (who is not you), and person 2, so those transactions iare not fraudulent. But person 3you don't know. Can't you see how the bank will see it?

Exactly.
You could have asked them to buy items and authorised a BACS payment to repay them - or, given them so much on a BACS and asked them to tell you if you owed any more.
I hope they gave you receipts for what they have bought OP ?