AIBU to feel fed up with my sister’s behaviour during family visit?

[Aners]

Visiting my mum who lives quite a distance from me by car. Sister here visiting with her daughter too. I get to the house and park up in the driveway and they come out to greet me and mum says lovely car as we just got one, for context this is a new car we bought after 15 years of having our old one. Sister looks at it and says “is it a Skoda?” I tell her no it’s a Porsche Cayenne! It’s literally written porche Cayenne on the back and the front has the logo! She then responds “looks like a Skoda, I’ve never seen one this shape before usually they are smaller”. I tell her I’m not sure I don’t really know much about the different ones. We come in kids playing all good then she asks me how much is cost and I told her I’m not sure as DH purchased it. She said “probably around £30/40k” I know it cost much more but I didn’t want to get into it with her.

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”. I wasn’t sure what to respond about this.

Kids carried on playing monopoly instead in the living room and I went in the kitchen and sister called me a “bitch” twice! Not in a fighting way but jokey way like “come on bitch let’s make tea” I told her politely please don’t use that word in front of my kids to which she continued again twice.

I walked away to sort clothes out and put our bags in my room and My mum looked upset and told me quietly not to start any fights! I told her I haven’t. As the youngest I always get blamed for everything. Mum then said I should know what she’s like and I should ignore her and be sensible. I’m really trying to get through these next few days just for my kids, please can you advise how I can? Also she is being a total cow isn’t she? I’ve been here for 3 hours and feel so fed up already.

This.

Skodas are great cars. People who know cars know this.

(blows on fingernails)
(rubs fingernails up and down lapel)
(grins)

Particularly L&K Skoda.

We have a Skoda Kamiq (petrol). It’s automatic and adapted for my ds through motability and it’s such a lovely car.

Whats wrong with Skodas? This is a brand new one, doesnt look too dissimilar to a Cayenne?!

https://www.skoda.co.uk/apps/stock/carDetail/GBR2802201584632026?store=28022&utm_source=gobi&utm_medium=paid+search&utm_campaign=20229661_q2tactical&utm_id=23095250159%7C&utm_content=pn%3A20270253%7Ecn%3A%7Eps%3AKEW%7Ep%3ACNV%7Ek%3ACNV%7Ebp%3ASA360%7Emo%3AALO%7Esm%3AKEW%7Ef%3AMXED%7Ed%3ANU%7Eap%3Avla_bev_gb&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23095288289&gbraid=0AAAAADMjLJ_GLvd6VEG0INxybLSpXCrjR&gclid=CjwKCAjwj7HTBhBiEiwA8s35OlBxcfX_IoZ2UNhgNQTLLmzRyefrfyernq8TDRt8s1QEUrBTExfyHhoCkpIQAvD_BwE

If you're happy with your new car just leave it, it doesnt matter what she thinks. She may well be jealous, but theres not much you can do about that, unless you send the car back and get a Skoda

She is probably jealous of your financial success. Please spare her feelings. Somebody told me this - in a street in some Scottish village a well-to-do person arrived to visit his parents and parked his Rolls. All the children poured into the street (1970s) to watch, touch the car and they started pressing on the winged silver lady for it to go down, to sink into the bonnet. The silver lady remained in place, but the children persisted. When the owner came out, he said 'It does not go down, I am afraid it is one of the cheaper models'.

Dear Aners,

It wouldn't matter if it was a beautiful Silver Aston Martin out of a James Bond film, or Del and Rodney Trotters Yellow three wheeler van... or even exactly the same car as your sister has - your sister would have some kind of joy sucking put down to deliver.
She is madly jealous of you. You are enjoying a new car after 10 years and she doesn't want you to enjoy it. She is jealous and wants to make you feel that there's something wrong with it.
DONT LET HER.

Also. Say this in your head on repeat. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER EVERY STUPID QUESTION SHE FIRES AT YOU... Just don't.
Each one is designed to make you explain "DH chose it" or apologise for it in some way so that she can feel superior to you.

That is a major personality defect on her part. Pity her for not being able to contain her jealousy.

Also your mum is wrong. It is NOT your job to take all the flak Dsis hurls at you and try to keep her calm. She wants to pick a fight with you.

But what you can do is ignore it.
Take my word for it (a stranger off the internet, who knows little about cars) its a bloody brand new Porche.. For God's sake. Im sure its fab. But what does that matter. If it wasn't your car. It will be something else, anything else she can latch on and you will get more upset at the illogical and unfair remarks. So you have to build a tough wall., Don't give her any information if you can help it.
Shrug, laugh merrily, or change the subject. have some one liners up your sleeve.

Say to yourself. You know what she is like, don't expect her to suddenly be warm and wonderful. Your sister is entertaining herself by trying to pick on you. That is really really sad if that is the best she can do. Don't let her. You are blessed in that you can see this is an awful way to behave and are not following her poor example.

Some have suggested that you tell your Mum you are leaving and just go... and that is an option ( I used to keep a set of car keys in my bag so I could just up and leave in a similar situation. I didn't in the end but just feeling like it was an option and I could do it - made it much easier to deal with)

As for being a buffer between the other two. DONT BE.. keep your lips tightly shut and let them get on with it.

Your priority is your DD, and whether she's happy. Your other family members can look after themselves. If they can't be kind and nice to each other and instead turn everything into a sniping battle - why do you have to put up with it.

I can't really advise what you should do, stay or go, only you know. What does your Mum do when all this happens? Is it a support to her to stay? Maybe.. but your DD is your priority here, not your Mum.
In stead of apologetically explaining and saying things designed not to set them off... try telling them straight that you don't like the way they talk to you and you hope everyone could start again and try to enjoy the evening. It's worth a shot.

I also thought you did well correcting her about calling you a bitch and pretending its a joke. I note that she did it twice more and you told her off again and presumably it stopped so that indicates to me that standing up to her calmly as you did, makes her drop it. Which is brillliant!.
I thought @CariadDarling also had a great reply.
I think it sounds like you are fed up of all this behaviour and that will help firm your resolve and tide you through. Best of luck..

Are you serious???!!! You've got a car, who gives a fuck what kind you've got or whether it's stunningly beautiful. You've also got a bitchy sister who is trying to goad you for some probably historical reason. Nothing she is complaining about has any merit whatsoever --- unless you give it weight. You've three choices here:

1. You pack up your kids in your new car, give your DM a hug and leave.
2. You get into a big row with your DS every time she says something intended to poke at you. Or you make notes of it so that you can stew about it during (and after) this visit.
3. You don't rise to her bait. You're there to visit your DM. Focus on her and ignore whatever drama your needy sister is trying to ignite.

Good luck. And insist you will not all fit in your car, so you'll need to be taking at least two to the beach. And stop posting updates here about the next she-said she-did episode in her drama.

I think that's also a good thing to remember OP @5128gap

Wow a Porsche Cayenne! Those cars are so classy! And they're not cheap - they start at over 83,000 pounds. You are lucky to have such an amazing car. Your husband must be really well paid. I'm not surprised your sister is envious. I'm a little envious ngl. Sadly I'm poor, and I'm stuck with my 2017 Ford Focus. It must feel SOOO good to drive in that beautiful Porsche Cayenne! It's a real head-turner. Leather seats too, I'll bet. All the bells and whistles! Envy!

Skodas are great now but it was a well-worn joke in the 80s/90s that they were terrible cars.

There’s a lot of threads recently where the op is being treated like shit by their sibling/neighbour/whatever and is being told that they’re equally to blame (for simply existing in the same space) and that they should just put up with it for the sake of family/neighbourly harmony, I don’t get it

Also why feel sorry for the Mother, she’s literally enabling it. The quiet one is always told to lie down and take it but the loudmouth one is never told to pack it in.

Hopefully when your other sister arrives it will dilute the snide comments, otherwise I’d suggest leaving early.

I know I shouldn’t let her get to me but is my car ugly? Please be honest!

You're really missing the point! So what if it is ugly? I'm not a fan of them personally, but I wouldn't say that to anyone who has one because I'm not a dickhead.

She sounds like she's purposely saying things to wind you up in a sibling rivalry/banter sort of way, and you're taking all of this way too seriously, like everything she says is a personal attack and you are completely unable to laugh about anything? She's your sister, why do you take her comments so seriously? I'd be laughing off most of her comments.

Then you seem to offer up unsolicited opinions too:

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”.

It sounds like neither of you can keep your opinions to yourselves and you take yourself WAYYY too seriously.

have a fun weekend girls!! lol.

Come on, you have a very fancy car. It's not weird for her to be wondering (and actually, it does look a bit like a Skoda Kodiak - I also dream of that car but will settle for the Kodiak! :) ) And it doesn't sound like that's what your family usually drive.

Just say, "I know, it's crazy. can't believe I'm driving a porche now - DH chose it and paid for it. Amazing isn't it, let's go for a drive later."

Of course your car isn't ugly! It's obvious she's trying to wind you up because she's jealous of you. You're the youngest. Has she ever been good to you? Has she ever made you feel that she likes you (let alone loves you as a sister)? If not you owe her nothing. I'm sorry your mum is putting the burden on you. You have to look after yourself and your self respect.

She clearly knows your buttons and is trying to get a reaction. If I were you I'd just play dump and ignore nasty comments and pretend to be humble. If she can't get a reaction despite escalating she'll give up.

I'd tell your Mum how your sister is making you feel , and leave.

Yep the mothers MO is divide.and conquer!
I'd quietly round the kids up and put my stuff in car and go home

You’re clearly offended that your expensive car didn’t impress 😂 What were you expecting? Everyone to fawn over it. Those big cars all look the same so it isn’t really a big deal that she didn’t know what sort of car it was.

Tbh saying a 12-year-old might ‘hurt herself’ playing hide and seek is so absurd I think most people would struggle to refrain from commenting… the sister sounds downright odd to me.

The Car thing means nothing to me as I don't get whats upset you? There are actually Skodas that look like the smaller Cayennes. I notice cars that look so similar all the time across brands; I also would have guessed around 40k to be honest! Are you feeling defensive about that for a reason?
The calling you a bitch in jest is a bit childish, if its not some sort of banter thing you both do. I wouldnt rise to that . The 12 year old thing, well some people are more protective particularly if its their only child. I have 3 so I am not precious about them getting hurt because its just normal in play. I think its best you listen to your mum for now and just get through it with gritted teeth, not fair on you but maybe try not to seem like you are annoyed or she'll pick up on it.

Unless there is something not mentioned? like easy bruising or some other sort of illness? Otherwise yes, bit too protective of a 12 year old.

I'm getting that OP was expecting a big fuss about it being a Porsche and when it was implied it could be a Skoda, she's a bit put out. Some people buy fancy cars on finance and are so impressed with them status wise.

Yeah but the OP also said she said it in a playful, cringey way. The fact that OP also asked her not to say it, rather than just ignore it, just makes me think she is uptight.

I wouldn't want to be called a bitch "jokey" or otherwise, so maybe I'm uptight.

Op didn't want the word being used in front of her kids which I think is fine.

My best friend and I call each other "bitch" sometimes in a playful way 🤷‍♀️ I don't think it's a big deal tbh