AIBU to feel fed up with my sister’s behaviour during family visit?

[Aners]

Visiting my mum who lives quite a distance from me by car. Sister here visiting with her daughter too. I get to the house and park up in the driveway and they come out to greet me and mum says lovely car as we just got one, for context this is a new car we bought after 15 years of having our old one. Sister looks at it and says “is it a Skoda?” I tell her no it’s a Porsche Cayenne! It’s literally written porche Cayenne on the back and the front has the logo! She then responds “looks like a Skoda, I’ve never seen one this shape before usually they are smaller”. I tell her I’m not sure I don’t really know much about the different ones. We come in kids playing all good then she asks me how much is cost and I told her I’m not sure as DH purchased it. She said “probably around £30/40k” I know it cost much more but I didn’t want to get into it with her.

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”. I wasn’t sure what to respond about this.

Kids carried on playing monopoly instead in the living room and I went in the kitchen and sister called me a “bitch” twice! Not in a fighting way but jokey way like “come on bitch let’s make tea” I told her politely please don’t use that word in front of my kids to which she continued again twice.

I walked away to sort clothes out and put our bags in my room and My mum looked upset and told me quietly not to start any fights! I told her I haven’t. As the youngest I always get blamed for everything. Mum then said I should know what she’s like and I should ignore her and be sensible. I’m really trying to get through these next few days just for my kids, please can you advise how I can? Also she is being a total cow isn’t she? I’ve been here for 3 hours and feel so fed up already.

I would be really offended if my sister called me a bitch. It’s not language I use-she doesn’t either-and to repeat it when you’ve asked her not to say it is deliberately provoking you. Maybe when your other sister arrives you can both manage to squash her a bit. Otherwise I’m with the others who said just go home.

Your sister sounds like a bit of a twat but jeez, who cares if someone doesn't realise your car is a Porsche? I wouldn't know a Porsche if one ran me over, and I certainly wouldn't have a clue how much one costs.

You both honestly sound like you've reverted to being children and I think you just need to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that is all utterly trivial nonsense and doesn't really matter. Why are you even bothered what your sister thinks about a car?

You are playing out old sibling roles and you are letting her get to you.

Is a car ugly? Strange question. What is a nice car to someone is not to another person, you care far too much what she says and she knows it gets to you so she keeps doing it. Stop letting her push your buttons, both of you are told old for this childishness.

Sound like nothing more than some gentle sibling rivalry and envy. It's not worth getting upset and spoiling the weekend for everyone.

This is how I feel in my family dynamics too. My sibling gets to say something just short of rude and I am asked not to react as I will spoil things. They don't ask the siblings not to do it, just for me to react.

Sisters famous sentence to me after my brother had said something very rude was "he has an unfortunate turn of words and its rude, but you know he is like that so just ignore him", said to me by the woman that cannot cope with him so she does not speak to him. Meanwhile I could not dodge him as I was our mums carer.

Like me, you mum knows that she has no chance with your sibling without it kicking off and so she just hopes you will button it as always. I understand the dynamics so when you get an answer that works, share it with me because when I try setting boundaries, I always come out as the bad guy.

Agreed @RobinStrike. No one calls each other a bitch in my family nor swears at each other, we call it out right away.

Girl go home

Your mum has chosen her side

I also agree. It isn't something I would like at all

She's not ND, she's jealous as f*

Try not to lower yourself to her level

Nobody EVER sees someone driving a big, expensive car and thinks positive thoughts.
I'm having this problem at the moment as I'm used to driving a tiny, old car that everyone is nice too - can be mega cheeky and get away with highway robbery (as it were), leaving everyone for dust with a smile on their faces.
Now in a big, expensive car everyone treats me like the scum i am 😅
If you want people to admire your fancy car then go to Italy.
Younger siblings never normally get blamed for things so either your family had a weird dynamic or you used to be "a handful".
I'd go home. You've clearly put your sisters nose well out of joint and it's not worth the hassle.
Edited for typo.

Has she always been competitive and jealous of you?
Time she grew up.
Sorry, going to be a long visit..... mentally anyway. Good luck.

Why do you care what she thinks of your car?it only matters what you think.

Stop reacting to it.

The mum isn't any better than the brat sister though, she's an enabler.

I would just leave.

Your car is fine.

Do not go to the beach in it.

She will find a way to smear sand or dirt on your seats.

When your other sister arrives do not be tempted to act as the peacemaker. If it all kicks off just look a bit bemused and run off with your phone talking about the pressure of work or something. Be careful, OP, being treated as the scapegoat can chip away at your soul, regardless of who is doing it.

Your car isn't what I think of when I think of a Porsche, it's an SUV, I'm surprised Porsche made them.

Sounds like she's not aware of how she's coming across, possibly poor attempts at humour? Not going to work if she's already got your back up, is it possible she's trying and she's making it worse?

When your other sister arrives just sit back and let them at it. Don’t be a buffer, just go and have a cup of tea with your mother. Ignore any comments.

Your sister is clearly seething with jealousy and your mum is possibly scared of her and asking you not to start fights as you’re the more amenable one. Hopefully it might calm down when your other sister joins you but if not I’d go home.

Your car is far from ugly, just ignore her! Has she always been jealous?

In honesty, the 'bitch' bit is the only bit that is actively rude.

You commented on her parenting of her daughter and she replied. Not rudely, and you started that anyway.

The car thing, who cares? She was probably under the impression that you were wanting some kind of approbation and didn't want to play up to that.

Bitch...yes, that's rude, if it isn't the kind of thing you sister say to each other. I know some people do.

It's a large family car. It's there to do a job. I had a few of those promising myself that I would get a car I loved one day just for me, and I did eventually 🤣

That only makes sense if you think Skoda drivers are somehow beneath Porsche drivers.

As for “bitch” it looks like a clumsy term of endearment…

Erm no it's not, it's a nasty expression, plus the sister doesn't like the OP much, so calling her a bitch was exactly that...a bitch.

She's not wrong about it looking like a Skoda 😁😁

Clearly YANBU and your sister sounds horrible - your Mum doesn’t sound that nice either!

It’s quite an unusual dynamic for the youngest to always get the blame so I’m sorry that you got so unlucky in this respect 😢