AIBU to feel fed up with my sister’s behaviour during family visit?

[Aners]

Visiting my mum who lives quite a distance from me by car. Sister here visiting with her daughter too. I get to the house and park up in the driveway and they come out to greet me and mum says lovely car as we just got one, for context this is a new car we bought after 15 years of having our old one. Sister looks at it and says “is it a Skoda?” I tell her no it’s a Porsche Cayenne! It’s literally written porche Cayenne on the back and the front has the logo! She then responds “looks like a Skoda, I’ve never seen one this shape before usually they are smaller”. I tell her I’m not sure I don’t really know much about the different ones. We come in kids playing all good then she asks me how much is cost and I told her I’m not sure as DH purchased it. She said “probably around £30/40k” I know it cost much more but I didn’t want to get into it with her.

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”. I wasn’t sure what to respond about this.

Kids carried on playing monopoly instead in the living room and I went in the kitchen and sister called me a “bitch” twice! Not in a fighting way but jokey way like “come on bitch let’s make tea” I told her politely please don’t use that word in front of my kids to which she continued again twice.

I walked away to sort clothes out and put our bags in my room and My mum looked upset and told me quietly not to start any fights! I told her I haven’t. As the youngest I always get blamed for everything. Mum then said I should know what she’s like and I should ignore her and be sensible. I’m really trying to get through these next few days just for my kids, please can you advise how I can? Also she is being a total cow isn’t she? I’ve been here for 3 hours and feel so fed up already.

I don’t allow the word bitch in this house and I tell the kids it’s equivalent to racial slurs (just to make it clear how unacceptable it is, don’t want to get into exact ranking of slurs)

Stay for the evening, rise above EVERYTHING. Ideally, leave a pointed pause each time she says something nasty/weird to let it sink in to all those listening. Don’t respond. After a few seconds, just ‘hmmmm’. Then change the topic totally.

Try your best to keep it light and fun tonight, ignore every single dig. Chat nicely where you can, be kind to the kids and your mum.

Then tonight, pack up so you are ready to leave after breakfast in the morning. Don’t announce it. Just gather your stuff, start packing the car and then say you’re heading home and you’ll come up another time to visit your Mum.

Don’t explain, don’t complain. The less you say the better, it will only add fuel to the fire.

‘We’re actually heading off now, but will be back soon for another visit before the end of the holidays - Mum I’ll call you after the weekend to arrange when suits. Thanks for having us, dinner was delicious, the kids have had a lovely time. No, no, no, we really can’t stay - everything is fine, just need to get home today after all. Have a lovely weekend everyone, see you soon. I’ll let you know that we’re home safely. Bye’.

It’s not an ugly car but very different to the classic look of Porsche. And it does look like Skoda Kodiaq, so I do agree with your sister on that. But she did probably said it as a dig rather than just observation.

Is this your car

Whatever you do, don't drive them to the beach in your car.

You need to learn to the agree response.

“is that a Skoda?”

”yes it is”

Doesn't matter what it is the ball is back in her court. And that ball is bouncing quite a bit because now she has to either shut up or admit she can read!

Perhaps reply with "Why would you say that?" with a mildly confused tone every single time she says something upsetting. She'll either tire of it or have to explain herself.

When she gets in her car, say to her, ‘I really like your car by the way, it really suits you’ lol.

I’d be petty back to her.

I think the worst thing is calling you a bitch well at all & then again after you asked her not to.

I'd stay to see other sister if you want then leave them to it.

My mum keeps making passive aggressive comments like she just wanted a nice weekend with her kids but we making her life hard!

Easy to see where your sister gets it from then.

She is obviously jealous of you.And in my world there is no jokey way to call some one bitch: it's just plain nasty.
If this is how your siblings generally treat you I would have minimum contact with them. If you want to see your mum see her when they aren't there.

Who cares about the car. Just don’t answer when she asks or change the subject. It doesn’t matter who drives what car (it’s just a car- no different to hers, just a different badge), how much you earn or what your husband does. It’s silly.

It sounds like she wants a reaction.
Don’t let her upset you. You are an adult, you don’t have to revert to your childhood role of youngest sibling.

I’d get your mum alone and explain to her that you don’t want there to be an argument between you and your sister so you are leaving.
Arrange to visit your mum some other day when it’s just you and the kids.

Is this you lot who have just got back from holiday?
😂😂

It's obvious that your sister is jealous and is trying to push your buttons to annoy you. You are letting her succeed. See her for what she is a petty, jealous sibling. Rise above it and ignore her, which will annoy her far more. If she continues, or involves your children in her snarky comments then put your kids in your Porche and leave. Tell your mum you will visit when the evil sister is elsewhere.

If you like the car what does it matter what anyone else thinks? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you know what it cost I’m not sure why you didn’t say. It’s easily googleable. If she’s jealous ignore her.

She sounds jealous, miserable and bitchy, and if i was you I'd leave.

You don't need to put up with her nonsense.

She's trying to wind you up.

I'd laugh at her and keep saying "what are you like - try again!"

Or just tell her to Fuck Off

I have a sister like this too. I would have said yes it’s a Skoda otherwise she over reacts! I say, oh I’m not sure?! A lot of the time to avoid conflict. She is a very competitive person and horrible to be around.

OP, as someone who comes from complex family dynamics, please just go home and enjoy your weekend at home. They need to understand once and for all that this type of behaviour, although as a snap shot doesn't seem extreme, isnt acceptable. I know what it's like to deal with it over a number of years and it's absolutely draining!

I have a sister like this, except my mum is oblivious to her little jibes. I think it's a deep rooted insecurity, always trying to make an unnecessary power play. Her child is fine to cause rambunctious behaviour but she kicks off if her fragile (very robust*) child isn't wrapped in bubble wrap and protected from the rough cousins!

Stonewalling helped when my sister would start. I'd just say 'ok' or 'yep.' Not defend myself or let her rattle me, she really amped it up then but it was fun to watch. Obviously my mum still thinks it's me but her and my sister can be similar. Because I was always the quiet, caring one, I'm expected to be the one to keep things nice, despite how poisonous my sister is. We don't talk anymore because her last crazy episode, she still manipulates my mum into thinking I'm the awkward one but life is just easier not being part of her circus.

When big sister comes, just relax. You're not there to mediate or anything to do with siblings rivalry. Your annoying sister is completely irrelevant. Just try to have bonding time with your mum and keep interactions with annoying sister to a minimum.

I don’t actually see how this is that bad? She asked about the car. Many people don’t know about cars & what’s wrong with comparing it to a Skoda? Is it possible you’re a bit uptight?

The car cost ‘much more’ than 40k but you didn’t have a say in the car that you’re driving right now? Ok.

Car aside she called Op a bitch & then again when Op asked her not to.

You can't START a fight. You sister already started it.

Can you ask your sister "what do you mean? I don't get it" and ask her to explain her passive aggressive comments? Perhaps if you do it every time she'll get tired (or probably blow up a big fight, that's a risk).

I'm shocked at how much the Porsche affected her! I get It's a Porsche, but just get over it!

I think grey rock is the only way to deal with these people.