AIBU to feel fed up with my sister’s behaviour during family visit?

[Aners]

Visiting my mum who lives quite a distance from me by car. Sister here visiting with her daughter too. I get to the house and park up in the driveway and they come out to greet me and mum says lovely car as we just got one, for context this is a new car we bought after 15 years of having our old one. Sister looks at it and says “is it a Skoda?” I tell her no it’s a Porsche Cayenne! It’s literally written porche Cayenne on the back and the front has the logo! She then responds “looks like a Skoda, I’ve never seen one this shape before usually they are smaller”. I tell her I’m not sure I don’t really know much about the different ones. We come in kids playing all good then she asks me how much is cost and I told her I’m not sure as DH purchased it. She said “probably around £30/40k” I know it cost much more but I didn’t want to get into it with her.

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”. I wasn’t sure what to respond about this.

Kids carried on playing monopoly instead in the living room and I went in the kitchen and sister called me a “bitch” twice! Not in a fighting way but jokey way like “come on bitch let’s make tea” I told her politely please don’t use that word in front of my kids to which she continued again twice.

I walked away to sort clothes out and put our bags in my room and My mum looked upset and told me quietly not to start any fights! I told her I haven’t. As the youngest I always get blamed for everything. Mum then said I should know what she’s like and I should ignore her and be sensible. I’m really trying to get through these next few days just for my kids, please can you advise how I can? Also she is being a total cow isn’t she? I’ve been here for 3 hours and feel so fed up already.

New electric Skodas are lovely. We hired one last year and inside is just like any other expensive car. Even has an umbrella concealed inside the door which is apparently a Skoda thing. How handy.

I didn't know about the Skoda umbrella! What an excellent idea, to use as a sunshade in this weather.

My dream car would be a two seater, but I've gone from three kids to five grandchildren. 😂

You're going to have to have a granny-bus people carrier instead.
😭

Ooo like a little Nissan 350z.

You need a fun car and a mini bus 😅

You’re reacting exactly how she wants you to. It sounds like you need to emotionally separate from her a lot more than you have managed to so far. Just try to think of her as a baffling oddity, shrug and laugh, and don’t engage with any of it.

My 8 and 10 year old love it

I have a fun car mini convertible. DH has the bus now 😉😉. I've run the gamut of estate cars. It's his turn now.

You sound awfully insecure, why does it matter what other people think of your car, especially her? But you've mentioned your childhood so I assume there is a huge back story with you, her and your Mum.

Mine did too.

She’s a nasty bitch! ND has NOTHING to do with her behaviour!!

Can you afford to stay elsewhere?
Why would you expose your children to this toxicity?
I wouldn't allow her near your car, I have no doubt something will be spilled.

Your mother sounds awful too.
I wouldn't allow my children to around that and her bad language.

Stand up for your children and get out of there.

Who cares about your car and if its nice.
That really is the least of your worries.

I'd leave. Life's too short, your mum is enabling your sister, leave them to their toxicity.

Sounds like my brother. We get sly digs and muttering under his breath at us all the time about our things. One of the reasons I'm very low contact.

I agree with this.

What's the point?

It's a weekend & neither can be bothered to be nice to you.

I would literally just pretend I don't hear her when she says something I don't like and walk away from her.

All the wind up nonsense about the car is deliberate OP. She knows she is getting to you. Just say …… how come you are so interested in our new car…it’s just a safe car to me …..are you jealous or something.
Then walk away.

When she uses the word bitch say …that’s an ugly word to use so freely in front of children sis. I don’t like it and neither should you ….it shows you up. I’m surprised you don’t know better. So just let this be a final warning ….If I hear the word coming out of your mouth again in front of my children I will cut short this visit immediately and that will upset mum…is that what you want ?

Just remember that she has low self esteem and knocking your confidence makes her feel better about herself. Don’t allow that to happen.
Take her to one side and with your normal confidence, tell her to grow up and stop spoiling things for your mum.

Going by the thread about someone on holiday at her parents' expense who was being blamed by her mother and expected to apologise over failing to react to her sister's vile behaviour, a lot of Mumsnet posters will say that walking away from someone being nasty to you is passive aggression and you ought to be ashamed of yourself for

well, I'm not quite sure what for. Possibly not pouring ketchup over her head as she deserves, but that probably isn't what they mean.

This is totally deliberate and she’s trying to wind you up. Best thing you can do is not react at all - it will drive her nuts. It’s what I do and it is much easier

Not at all, it’s not beneath, it’s different value and different status. I personally wouldn’t spend ££££ on a luxury brand. I imagine people who do buy them have an element of liking the status that comes with a luxury brand. Same with designer clothes, expensive watches.

What are her good points OP? Even the worst of us tend to have them.
Is she a laugh? Would she be there if you needed her? Can you have a decent conversation? Do you have any happy shared memories?
When people we have to spend time with are getting on our nerves over small stuff, it helps to think of the best of them and keep it in perspective. Unless you think your life would be better and happier if you fell out, then it's in your interests to let it go.

We went from a Porsche Cayenne to an electric Skoda! The Skoda is a lovely car. Was worried about damaging the Porsche all the time.

And no they don't look alike.

Also, Porsche have been making 4X4s for over 25 years!!

Status is a hierarchy. If it's a different status it's either higher or lower.
If OP bought the Porsche for the status that comes with it and is upset that her sister isn't playing into that then makes OP unreasonable.

I appreciate your comment, I honestly googled the car because I don't know what it looks like and I saw a logo and not the writing 'Porche'. I don't know, I might have got the wrong car - like I said before I'm no good with cars or brands of cars.

Hopefully you have a settled night? I'd just ignore her. She doesn't sound happy.