AIBU to feel fed up with my sister’s behaviour during family visit?

[Aners]

Visiting my mum who lives quite a distance from me by car. Sister here visiting with her daughter too. I get to the house and park up in the driveway and they come out to greet me and mum says lovely car as we just got one, for context this is a new car we bought after 15 years of having our old one. Sister looks at it and says “is it a Skoda?” I tell her no it’s a Porsche Cayenne! It’s literally written porche Cayenne on the back and the front has the logo! She then responds “looks like a Skoda, I’ve never seen one this shape before usually they are smaller”. I tell her I’m not sure I don’t really know much about the different ones. We come in kids playing all good then she asks me how much is cost and I told her I’m not sure as DH purchased it. She said “probably around £30/40k” I know it cost much more but I didn’t want to get into it with her.

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”. I wasn’t sure what to respond about this.

Kids carried on playing monopoly instead in the living room and I went in the kitchen and sister called me a “bitch” twice! Not in a fighting way but jokey way like “come on bitch let’s make tea” I told her politely please don’t use that word in front of my kids to which she continued again twice.

I walked away to sort clothes out and put our bags in my room and My mum looked upset and told me quietly not to start any fights! I told her I haven’t. As the youngest I always get blamed for everything. Mum then said I should know what she’s like and I should ignore her and be sensible. I’m really trying to get through these next few days just for my kids, please can you advise how I can? Also she is being a total cow isn’t she? I’ve been here for 3 hours and feel so fed up already.

She sound annoying but I think you're being overly
sensitive. She's taking the piss but I'm not sure why you're getting so upset. Families do this, surely?

Really? You can't read the name? And then say it costs 30k, and after that suggest using it to go to the beach so get car won't get dirty? That's super normal...

completely agree she only does this because she can see it gets to you. Of course your car is lovely, and it would honestly drive her wild if you could appear oblivious to her jibes. People don’t react like that because they are happy with their own life. They do it because they are jealous.

Find a stick phrase like ‘that’s nice dear’ and take the wind out of her sails. Deny her any satisfaction of noticing she is getting to yoh.

And don’t plan to stay too long

Is your car ugly? That doesn't matter. All that matters is if you like. Is it for me? No, but like your sisters opinion it doesn't matter.

I'm awful with cars, I googled it and it does look similar to my stepdads Skoda so a quick glance I may have assumed it was as well. Lots of cars/SUVs look similar these days, I wouldn't take offence at it.

She knows which buttons to press. The mixed joys of siblings.

It does sound like she could start a fight in an empty room though.

Is she always like this or just under dms roof ?my adult dc lose 10 years when they come here..
Ds''s revert to 12 and 14
..

I have no idea about car makes - maybe your sister doesn’t either. But I’ve just looked up a Porsche Cayenne and no, it’s not at all ugly.

She sounds jealous and immature. But I don’t think the silly things she has said are worth taking seriously and causing a family rift. I’d just laugh when she says daft things, and say something like "Lucky it’s not your car, then, isn’t it?" or "I don’t remember you asking me if I minded driving tomorrow!" or "You’re so funny when you say these ridiculous things!"

Is your DM a manipulative stirrer by any chance? Someone who likes to stir it up then sit back and watch the show - nothing to do with her of course? Unless you really want to see your other DSis and there is no other time or place, I'd leave now. It all sounds awful. And there is no way I'd be letting the sister you've described here take over and go to the beach in your car.😦

Are people really thinking the ops sister stood in front of the car looking at it can’t see the difference between Skoda the name as a logo and the Porsche badge 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

The sister was trying to bring up down a peg or 2 implying her costly car looked like a cheaper car. Same reason she wants to take ops more expensive newer car to the beach rather than her own to stop hers getting dirty.

It’s to put op in her place as below her.

Looking at the front of a porche cayenne, no I wouldn't have known the porche logo. Looking at the back then yes because it literally says Porche.

Some people don't care about cars and logos.

Now, I'm guessing the sister did know and she wanted to wind her sister up which she's done.

But Skoda the brand the sister picked logo is Skoda is has it on the front of the car.

The sister knew what a Skoda looked like.

She’s also made a comment we are all going to the beach tomorrow in my car as she doesn’t want to get her car dirty! She drives a focus incase anyone wondering.

So you think that a Focus isn't worthy of being protected from getting dirty? That your car is somehow more worthy of remaining pristine?

I can't think of any other explanation for you feeling the need to tell us what she drives.

She might have just said Skoda because they used to have a bad reputation, she might not have known what a Skoda looks like.

Well I wouldn't recognise a Skoda or a Porsche badge. The only ones I can recognise off hand is the BMW and probably the Mercedes if they haven't changed it. My DH has had his car two years I know it's a Volkswagen I'm pretty sure it's a Tiguan as to the model not a scooby doo. I only know that much because I file the paperwork.

Weirdly i can always recognise a Morgan, I adore those and the old Mercedes 1 class a neighbour had decades ago.

Cars are so boring these days.

Hey, I drive either a Polo or a Fiesta, and have owned a couple of focus (focii?) but even I know that P O R S C H E isn't spelled S K O D A.

And yes, a focus is just as worthy of being kept clean, so I'm sure BitchySister can use her own car to take her child to the beach and keep it in pristine condition.🙄

Really don't let her jealousy get to you. The more you do, the more she will think she's rattling you, the more chilled you are the more she will wind herself up. Just let her!
'You could be right' is a great response to anything, it literally leaves her nowhere to go. She will know you think she's not right but she can't argue against it. Honestly, it works brilliantly, try it and see!

Hi op I would speak to sis privately and say mum is upset with the snidely remarks I’m not going to rise to them but if you carry on being snarky these few days are not going to be fun. Also re the car just say it’s only a car nothing to be bothered about if you don’t like it you don’t have to drive it. Then see if she changes her attitude I think she’s jealous tbh.

Not picking on you, just pointing out that it's literally written on the front and back of the car.
You really can't miss it, or mistake it.

My cousins DH had a skoda in the 80s, it was awful - the joke was the heated rear window was to keep your hands warm in winter while you pushed it.🤦🏻‍♀️

She's a jealous bitch.

Look, you enjoy that car. You feel comfortable with it. That’s all that matters.

Your sister is jealous and spiteful.
Your mum is ‘insane’ in that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing and expect a different outcome.
She knew that all 3 of you in the house would lead to sparks. And it did 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ What did she expect?

You asked what you could to. It depends of what outcome you want. Keep the peace at all cost? Put your sister at her place? Assert yourself?

Are you kidding?!? It's literally my dream car 😍

Your sister is very clearly jealous.

I took it as her car doesn’t need to be MORE protected from sand than the OP’s car.
Im not sure why you took that sentence down negatively tbh.

Skoda has changed a lot since the 1980s, when they were almost as much of a standing joke as Lada (which I think is now owned by Renault). Skoda are now owned by Volkswagen and built on a Volkswagen basic platform, and are rather swoosh and reliable. You could take some wind out of her sails by starting to eulogise about what brilliant cars Skoda are these days and how they can easily stay with BMWs at over a ton on German autobahns and how comfortable they are and some of them have self-adjusting seats for up to four different drivers. I imagine that'd take her somewhat aback!

You need to respond on a level your sister will understand and accept.

I would suggest telling her "My car's better than your car, nah-nah nah-nah-nah" 😆

Your sister can read the brand/model on the back of the car, the same as anyone else. Of course she knew you weren't driving a Skoda (although there's nothing wrong in driving a Skoda). She was being deliberately obtuse because she's jealous of the fact your husband bought you a car (I assume it's yours rather than a family car?). The remarks about her thinking your husband is stingy and asking you to remind her of the job your husband does. She's trying to goad you into an argument, due to feeling jealous. Does your sister have a husband/partner? If not, then she's jealous of the fact that you do, and he's generous enough to buy a car for you. If she does, then she may be envious because her husband can't afford to do the same for her.

I'm guessing that your sister has always had these vindictive, nasty, jealous traits since childhood and takes great delight in trying to cause an argument. Your Mum is stuck in the middle but equally she should be telling your sister in no uncertain terms to button her mouth if she has nothing nice to say. Instead she tries to blame you, because you're the easier one to deal with, and it's easier to blame you, than call out her other daughter.

As hard as it is, you need to ignore your sister's behaviour. If you leave, then you are playing straight into her hands!! Your Mum will blame you, and that's exactly what your sister wants. Use the grey rock technique on your sister!!! Be indifferent. She's perfectly aware what she's doing, and enjoys the power her comments have on you, it makes her feel better about herself.