AIBU to feel fed up with my sister’s behaviour during family visit?

[Aners]

Visiting my mum who lives quite a distance from me by car. Sister here visiting with her daughter too. I get to the house and park up in the driveway and they come out to greet me and mum says lovely car as we just got one, for context this is a new car we bought after 15 years of having our old one. Sister looks at it and says “is it a Skoda?” I tell her no it’s a Porsche Cayenne! It’s literally written porche Cayenne on the back and the front has the logo! She then responds “looks like a Skoda, I’ve never seen one this shape before usually they are smaller”. I tell her I’m not sure I don’t really know much about the different ones. We come in kids playing all good then she asks me how much is cost and I told her I’m not sure as DH purchased it. She said “probably around £30/40k” I know it cost much more but I didn’t want to get into it with her.

The kids (my 2 aged 10 and 8 and her DD aged 12) were playing hide and seek to which she shouted no her DD will hurt herself! I reminded her her DD is 12, which she responded “yes exactly, she’s only 12 not 22”. I wasn’t sure what to respond about this.

Kids carried on playing monopoly instead in the living room and I went in the kitchen and sister called me a “bitch” twice! Not in a fighting way but jokey way like “come on bitch let’s make tea” I told her politely please don’t use that word in front of my kids to which she continued again twice.

I walked away to sort clothes out and put our bags in my room and My mum looked upset and told me quietly not to start any fights! I told her I haven’t. As the youngest I always get blamed for everything. Mum then said I should know what she’s like and I should ignore her and be sensible. I’m really trying to get through these next few days just for my kids, please can you advise how I can? Also she is being a total cow isn’t she? I’ve been here for 3 hours and feel so fed up already.

Not at all. She is just winding you up.

Three kids playing hide and seek to entertain themselves isn’t weird. Three year olds are rubbish at hide and seek lol

I'm car blind looks and value wise so had to Google first one that came up new was £165k. I guess sister has done the same and felt envy.

Wait till other sister arrives and hopefully sister settles down.

I think YABU.
I don't even understand the car thing. So what if she thinks it's a £40k Skoda? And I don't know why you didn't just tell her the price.
I get that you find the bitch thing annoying, but that's really all it is. Surely you can ignore a small annoying thing to have a nice weekend with your sisters and your mum. (I'm sure you do things that annoy her too!)

I feel sorry for your poor Mum.

All her comments are 100% intentional. I had a couple of friends like this. Put downs thinly disguised as 'banter'. If you rise to it it gives her the attention she is craving. I know it's hard but try to ignore her or just say something like "that's actually quite rude".

Shut her down or leave.

Tell your mum that you will no longer let Sis1 ride roughshod over you and Sis 2. You're done. If mum doesn't like it, you'll take your DCs and go home. She can arrange to visit you and Sis1 won't be welcome.

And if you do stay, she drives her own car to the beach. She and her daughter aren't allowed in yours ... they will deliberately muck it up, sand, drinks, etc, and you know it ... and it will be claimed as an 'accident'.

Just no.

Stop putting up with this shit!

I would ride it out, wait to your other sister gets there, she will sort her out!!

She is just jealous, don't let her get to you!

You are both irritating each other, just leave and visit another time.
You are rising to the bait.
I feel sorry for your DM stuck in the middle.

I mean come on, you obviously haven’t got a petty family member, it’s got porche written on the front and the back, she knew full well it was a Porche, asking if it’s a Skoda is a perfect petty question to try and put her sister in her place

She was only replying to her sister when asked what type of car it is

Calling you a bitch even in jest around your young children is ridiculous when her own 12 year old isn't even allowed to play hide and seek for safety reasons, surely she shouldn't be using that word in front of her own children if she's such a bubble wrap parent. Calling your dh stingy also not on.
If your mother always lets her bad behaviour go while pulling up the other siblings when they push back I have no sympathy for her

This.

Arrange separate visits to your mum's. This is ridiculous and frankly very childish, walk away from it all.

Pack up your stuff and leave, OP. What on earth did your mum expect, she bloody well knows what your sister is like. Tell mum you'll message her when you get home. Honestly, it will just get worse. Don't go again when you know your sister will be there.

Uh oh, your new car has hit a nerve for her, hasn't it?! It couldn't be more clear.

Is she staying the whole weekend?

Her shouting about her daughter getting hurt made me laugh really, given your children were younger still. Your sister sounds absolutely nuts.

A Cayenne may not be to everyone’s taste, but it’s obviously a very expensive, high end vehicle. Is there a financial disparity between your families? Are you more successful in your life/work/relationship? Better looking? Happier generally?

Because any or all of these things might be triggering her to behave this way. Or she might just be a twat. Either way she’s being competitive, pissy and jealous. She’s trying to punish you and put you back in your box by making you feel exactly the way you’re feeling - anxious and unsure of yourself and questioning whether she’s actually got a point (she hasn’t, btw!).

Family dynamics and established patterns are incredibly hard to break, but the way you push back against this is to remain calm and confident. She wants to poke you and undermine you - don’t let her. When you allow her to get to you, you’re handing her all the power. Try to resist all the ‘big sister/little sister’ stuff that automatically kicks in, and show her her shitty words, meant to hurt you, are just bouncing off you. Be unbothered and relaxed, smile and be civil. It’ll drive her nuts. The only thing you can do to combat someone looking for a reaction is to give them none.

And make it clear to your mum, in private, that you’re sick of her shit and won’t be visiting again for a while if she keeps it up.

Give over. I’m sure as you know that your car is lovely. That post is crazy.

But she was offended when her sister asked if it was a Skoda and when she thought it cost 40k.
It sounds like car snobbery to me.

You have to channel your inner Sheldon and just take her very, very seriously!

It’s a game. You win by making big eyes, and saying ‘Really? Oh no! What can they play instead then?’ ‘Oh is that all? I thought DH said it was expensive!’

When she calls you bitch, laugh hysterically and call her poopoo head back.

This only hurts because you are choosing to care what she thinks and says.

Your mum doesn’t want to play referee, she doesn’t want you looking hurt and your sister looking smug, she just wants a nice visit.

This this this.

If your mum enables this behaviour you can't win, so the answer is to bail out.

If you let her in that car I will pay money on there being some sort of ‘spill’ caused by her. Make her go in her own car. Honestly I couldn’t be arsed with this and would make up a reason to leave. Visit your Mum another time.

Wth!! Set some boundaries. Or leave!

She asked her sister not to use the word. Not an appropriate word at all (yes I know some people use it very lightly). Really rude.

Sit back and watch the fireworks when your sister arrives.

No your car isn’t ugly it’s just the family version for that brand. She knew damn well it wasn’t a Skoda I mean Skoda badge is Skoda maybe she needs reading lessons. We have a Merc these days but not the flashy kind the hated suv kind it’s clearly still a Merc though.

Her daughters going to be a bit soft if she’s not old enough to play hide and seek at 12 😅😅

When she calls you a bitch just ignore her like you didn’t hear a word at all. If she can’t be civil she doesn’t get a response full stop.

When your mum complains well depends how big of a row you want. You can simply ignore her comment, point out you haven’t actually said anything or ask her to maybe finally parent her adult child for the nuclear option.

The parent might have had a role to play in the family dynamics.