is this a truly terrible idea?

[wedings]

Without giving away too many details. DP and my family travelled very far for the wedding and we won't see them in person again for ages.

Having a tiny wedding with just core fam and friends.

Is it a terrible idea to announce our 5/6 week pregnancy?

We really really want to. Know odds of keeping pregnancy are 90-95%.

We would be telling all these people if we had a misscarriage anyway.

I can imagine this moment being truly special and I would like to make a beautiful moment with the assumption that all will be well.

What are your thoughts?

I would definitely do it if it were me. Congratulations!

Good job you had all the details before posting.

I know everyone there so well I know their fertility situations.

There are two people that have miscarried. One is sensitive about it but it was 30 years ago (my mum).The other was 2 years ago. They ended up with the kids they wanted and are done trying. They are not sensitive about it for them but may be for me.

There is one husband and wife where the husband really wants children and the wife changed her mind. So no infertility.

Would any of these be a reason not to announce?

I would tell them the morning after. Or possibly the day before if everyone will be there.

I wouldn't do it on your actual wedding day just because personally I'd want the focus to be on the wedding not the pregnancy announcement.

I personally don't like the pressure/expectation to wait until 12 weeks to announce to people. I think it contributes to making miscarriage taboo and personally if I did have a miscarriage I wouldn't want to feel that I had to hide it and pretend to be fine. Everyone should feel free to tell people whenever and however they want, whether that's as soon as the test shows positive or after the baby arrives or anywhere in between.

Tbf she doesn't say its her wedding in the op

I don't think people need to wait until 12 weeks as miscarriage isn't something to hide but 5/6 weeks is so very early that I think by sharing it that soon your people might be cautiously excited for you rather than reacting the way they would if you were further on. I would enjoy your wedding and then make the pregnancy announcement later on personally but it's your choice.

You honestly sound utterly insane now.

@wedings
This is the reason why I wouldn't announce it to your guests. You're putting your guests under a lot of pressure to keep it a secret. If they're likely to get as excited as you think they will be then someone is more likely to spill the beans.

How will you react if one of your guests announced it before you were ready? Don't put them under that pressure especially if you don't want your wider family & friends to know.

Get a private scan, there should be a fetal pole at this stage

At first I thought it was someone else's wedding and for me that's a hard no.
But it's your wedding you do what you like. Congratulations and I wish you both all the happiness in the world and that baby is happy and healthy ❤️❤️❤️

you have no control over your pg news once you've announced it. They'll all be on social media talking about it as soon as you've mentioned it at the wedding.

thats your choice, your wedding and your pg news, but don't be surprised or disappointed when the news gets out, because it will, and you'll lose that control.

My main thought is, especially if you have since said you got the dates wrong, is how do get the number of 90-95% that this pregnancy will stick? 20% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage.

Obviously you’ve said you’d tell them anyway if you did miscarry, so go for it. I deeply regretted telling my close family and closest friends when I miscarried. It was only 6 people but I hated telling them the news. It broke my heart again to see how sad they were and I just wanted to be left alone. But obviously people are different so if you’re sure, then tell them.

It's sixth a weird and defensive thing to say you know everyone's fertility situation.
Also you already made up your mind and clearly only want to hear that you should do it.

They'll all be on social media talking about it as soon as you've mentioned it at the wedding.

Unless the OP is Taylor Swift then of course they won't. Nobody is that invested in someone else's pregnancy, however happy for the parents they are.

The whole point of Social Media is that nobody needs to be Taylor Swift to want to rush to be the "first person" to share the happy news. It makes them feel relevant and important. Havent you seen the thread in this very topic? All about how people like being the first to know, the first to say and the first to be seen to know first.

my point was that the OP is naive if she thinks just telling the guests not to say anything will make any difference to what they do.

my point was that the OP is naive if she thinks just telling the guests not to say anything will make any difference to what they do.

I agree with this 100%

I know I wasn't replying to a post from the OP herself but my point is she is also naive to think that her guests will care that much about her pregnancy announcement (eg her post upthread that she is getting all giddy just thinking about making the announcement). In MN lingo, it's giving main character energy

I'm not sure you need opinions because this is so personal. I wouldn't because miscarriages that early are really common (I've had a few at that stage) and I wouldn't want to get people excited and then go through the chore of telling everyone - no matter how small the number. Some people won't even find out they've lost a baby until the 12 weeks scan (missed miscarriage) so you can imagine having had 8 weeks of "oo do you think it will be a boy or a girl?" "Have you thought of names yet?" Etc. that would be so much tougher. Also it's your wedding...do you want to remember it as the time you announced your pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage if the worst did happen?

I wouldnt be devastated if the word spread beyond the chat. I would just rather have the option of calling my extended family as they would be so happy for us.

Noone in the group would post on social media. Only one person posts and she is very respectful

I would just rather have the option of calling my extended family as they would be so happy for us.

Even if they'd been tipped off by someone else then surely they would just feign surprise when you told them your news?

You and your DP seem quite set on doing it.
I think that’s the only reason you need, really.

@UnPetitDunPetit probably! I'm not overly fussed if it gets leaked.

Go for it and announce it then if that's what you want to do - it's your wedding and your pregnancy! Just try not to overthink it - be careful not to build up an idea in your mind of a perfect Hollywood-style moment and reaction from your guests as these things never happen like that in real life 😅

you say ‘we would tell them all we had a miscarriage anyway’ like it’s nothing. I’ve had to call my parents and say we have lost the baby and it’s not an easy thing to do at all.

If you would like to do it and they are people that you would tell if you miscarried anyway, then absolutely go for it. I’ve had two miscarriages and I told close friends and family that I was pregnant early each time. It made it much easier whilst I was going through the miscarriage to be able to message those friends and family for support. Personally I find miscarriages aren’t talked about enough and keeping pregnancies such a secret exacerbates this. (But obviously no judgement to anyone who does want to keep it a secret, we should all feel free to do whatever we want).

This - if you're ok about your guests sharing the news more widely (because other people's secrets are not often kept) then crack on.
But please don't, in the name of all that is holy, say the words "we are pregnant"...