Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

I don’t think her partner’s parents have asked her to travel on a plane with any oranges. They have said they’ve bought lots as they know how much she likes fresh orange, so it can be made for her in the house!

I can afford it. No idea why you're getting your knickers in a twist about it.

If my doctor, dentist, hairdresser or train driver were builders doing work on my house then yes, I'd buy them lunch.

Not my problem if you're skint/tight

I have no idea why you're getting so worked up. We're all different and I can afford it.

Come to mine and I'll buy you lunch too 😊

I think the point is the in laws are putting on a full spread each night and OP still can’t find anything to eat. I would be astonished if there wasn’t rice and veg available at least.

OP also says she eats healthily so can’t eat the food but then also has a chocolate bar every day.

That suggests OP has some food fussiness.

£4 of chocolate every day or just a 40g bar?

The OP has already posted that she's leaving the thread, so I recommend we don't waste any more time here!
It's all very odd really IMHO.

Did we ever get told what country this is?

I think op was being a bit of a twat and is embarrassed she got called out on it, is all. Rumbled by the in laws! Embarassing!

No, and I've been so curious about what country this could be!

My guess is either South Korea or Singapore, based on a sandwich ordered via an app costing £15. But I can't think of any Asian countries that don't have at least some simple food - rice and veg, plain noodles, eggs etc. And I don't understand why OP can't work with her DP to find some local cuisine that she'd like, given that he's from that country and presumably very familiar with the food.

For the people saying that her in laws should provide food she can eat - they did offer her chips and she turned them down too! Maybe they aren't that familiar with UK food, are people expecting them to cook her sausage and mash every day?? Why do they have to do all the hard work of figuring out what she'll eat?

If someone from say Thailand visited my house, refused to eat any British dishes and expected me to cook them Thai food every day I'd be a bit miffed, I love Thai food but I'm not very good at cooking it.

I think it has to be OPs responsibility to figure out what local food she's able to tolerate, and to communicate that effectively.

Just wait until there are grandchildren involved. The visits will get even more stressful.

Nice try. It’s very obvious from my post I am in no way ‘worked up’. I simply called you on your cobblers.

If you were wealthy you’d be using Deliveroo not Uber Eats. 😂

@SquirrelMadness

Agree it was very odd. Lots of us were offering practical solutions!

There was a slight vibe of not trusting the horrid foreign food to be safe and hygienic enough.

I didn't understand the complete refusal to communicate or find a local 7-Eleven. Google Translate is our friend! The kitchen staff are human beings and would be happy to help.

Taking Malay as an example - it even uses Latin script:

nasi kosong = plain rice
tolonglah = please
terima kasih = thank you

Perhaps it's a challenging mixture of extreme youth, food anxiety and social anxiety. What a corner to back yourself into, where the only choices are Chocolonely or starvation.

👍

They didn’t say she could order meals but instead suggested snacks and sweet treats. OP has said she wanted a £15 sandwich but they had only suggested/themselves were buying sweet treats, so she went along with this.

I bet if you’d ordered £15 sandwich (and be full up) rather than a £7 chocolate bar and £5 drink of orange on it, they’d have been actually fine. They wouldn’t have asked you to bring 7 sandwiches with you on the flight like they did with the imported chocolate as that’s half the price in UK!

I used to be married to someone from another country whose cuisine was also very spicy. I like mild spice but I’m not a big meat eater and they were. Whenever we visited them I always ate what was cooked for us, maybe leaving some but I was brought up to eat what I was given or I would go hungry. I appreciated that they had made the effort for us. Sorry this isn’t any help but it’s a short time that you’ll be visiting and maybe it’s not such a big deal in the scheme of things? I would also not bother taking any chocolate as some have suggested and also pretend I hadn’t seen the message from the in-laws. If they didn’t like you ordering the chocolate and orange juice then they should have said something to you while you were there.

They are rich stingey people. Not happy to share what they have even tho they have you that impression. I’d say they are poor hosts!

Yeah when they have spent £3000 to visit!

Well they've said it now so OP should take chocolate with her if she plans to eat it every day.

Hi Twentie! I'm so sorry that your Inlaws are so petty & have made you feel uncomfortable. I would personally never trust them both again with being so false. Maybe when you visit again if you do...excuse yourself to go to the supermarket with your husband & buy your favourite ingredients to cook your own dinners & just buy your treats too! You will feel more comfortable & contented & in control instead of feeling unhappy. All the best from, Kiwi Grandma😃

Sorry, Twentie - I can't seem to edit my post to add...if you & your hubby do buy your own groceries - ask politely/request if you could cook your own dinners if that is okay with your Inlaws (they might like to have a day off cooking & eat your meals?) - though decide at other times to eat their meals too to be polite as well! 😎@twentie

I don't understand why you have to buy all these expensive snacks on an app, do you never leave the house when you visit? You make it sound as if you are trapped in the house at the mercy of an expensive delivery service? Surely at some point you go on day trips, go shopping or out for dinner, have the opportunity to go to a supermarket? Why can't you buy stuff then if the food at your ILs is so unacceptable?

This, OP! Why don’t you just go out rather than relying on this app?

She says she can’t afford it. And said this was one of this things she was looking forward - having treats on someone else’s dime because she can’t afford them (at home or on the holiday).

not sure how you don’t eat junk food but consuming sugar filled orange juice and large amounts of chocolate all day…

But can afford a £3000 flight ✈️ 🤔