Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

I don't see any merit in entertaining this thread any more so thank you for everyone who has validated me and shown up with kindness

What Asian cuisine only has spicy and fried food. What dishes does your partner like? You must have some experience with his cuisine by now. Can't he talk to his parents about which dishes you do tolerate?

I don't think it's about the money. Maybe you came over entitled and grabby. Did you take a gift for them even a token present? How did you thank them for their generosity? Maybe they felt you were taking them for granted.

OP, I have read all of your replies but I still haven't found the post saying how he's told his parents that they must be confused as they kept encouraging you to order these things and that's the only reason you did; not to mention that they are minted and can easily afford it, so what's with this weird stinginess. This doesn't sound like a cultural difference - it simply sounds like passive aggression. I would be pretty incensed with my husband if he didn't actively defend me in this situation.

If it's India, there would be rice and bread of some sort with each meal.

I get the awkwardness with the staff - I lived in India as a teenager and used to find it really annoying not being able to prepare food for myself or buy food, the cook just got everything from the market - but they would definitely be able to prepare omelet and plain rice or naan. I think you need to make a slight effort to eat a little of their food.

Tbf she took a gift and paid for a meal

Total rubbish. A good host caters for their guests and would never mind a polite request.

I agree with this.

They were probably offering to be polite and maybe did mean it at first but it's cheeky to keep taking something you wouldn't be prepared to pay for yourself and it sound like you were planning to do the same next time.

Just because you think they're well off doesn't meant they should buy treats for you every day. If you don't like their food then I think you should take something snacks and treats with you.

I wish that you had said which cuisine you were referring to, OP.

This would have been such a good opportunity to explore everything it has to offer and discover new flavours you would love.

Do consider buying a book of recipes to try.

I don't know which Asian country you are in but would guess somewhere like Dubai or is it somewhere like India?

The thing is a lot of Asian countries with "spicy" food do have some plain options on the menu - they would be served with bread or rice or noodles. I don't believe there's nothing you can eat and it does sound like a child who just won't try the food as they're used to their chicken nuggets and chips at home.

This sounds even more bizarre. So your partner couldn't possibly talk to his parents about the food and he 'doesn't know how the arrangement works'.
It sounds like you were visiting strangers not his family!
How can he not know how to ask for food in his home country?!

All Asian cuisines have some kind of plain food-rice, breads or noodles. There is no way that every single meal was too spicy and you could not try to at least open your mind to it. Maybe they are wondering why you are with their son if you can't eat the cuisine of his country at all.

Asian people also tend to show their love through food so if you didn't like their food it might have felt to them like a personal rejection of who they are.

The thread is at 39 pages so it is coming to an end anyway.

I wouldn't bother going back OP. Save them the hassle of having to entertain an entitled, picky child. I find it very difficult to believe that there isn't a single dish in an entire country's cuisine that meets your standards. Your posts comes across quite arrogant and it seems like you see them as beneath you. You now have the perfect opportunity to play victim. Asian cultures are the most welcoming and hospitable in the world. I think this is a you problem.

This rings of the same immature attitude that’s led to problems with your in-laws.

'Thank you to everyone who validated me'.

How about this: pack some chocolate, oatcakes and protein bars. Ask in advance about plain food. Stop choosing to starve. Stop interpreting everything as rejection. Have a strong word with your husband. Don't use an online forum to give you the emotional verdict you want. Have one adult conversation and get this sorted.

I feel i really need to say this- it is so hard being a picky eater - if I was born now I’d have been diagnosed with arfid by the time I was 3, but hello the 90s and being the 5th child. I’ve been in situations where I genuinely would have starved for a week rather than eat something that was even on the same plate as a slice of cheese. I have a senior job, a lot of people reporting into me etc yet have been on work trips abroad where I didn’t eat for days on end. The few times I couldn’t avoid it I’d be so sick after eating something I’m not used to - I’ll never forget one day in an Italian airport trying not to shit myself in the security queue with 10 direct reports because I’d eaten a tiny bit of a meat stew the night before when I couldn’t avoid it- no intolerances but so unused to rich food my system literally revolted. It’s so hard to say it to people because it just makes you seem so high maintenance and like a fussy child - I dunno how many times I’ve been told to grow up and just eat it - but honestly it’s near impossible. So I defo get why she couldn’t eat the food there and would sooner just say nothing and not eat than try to explain, and then depended on snacks when they were offered

Well clearly these hosts are not good hosts

Oh my god 😀😀😀 now an OP owes you to continue the thread? 😹😹😹
the entitlement 😹😹😹

Now you know where they stand so just say no and stand firm, they can get upset all they and if they choose to.

What happens for meals? Do they order all meals as well or are you expected to sort yourselves out and go buy your food given you can't use the kitchen because it's their staff area?

I'm sure you can live without orange juice while you're there so I don't see why you need to travel with oranges and ask their staff to squeeze, and if none of this works maybe it's time to stop visiting them. Your DH can go on his own.

Have you spoke to your DH about how you feel? What was his response to his mother when she brought it up? What are his plans for you to be able to have proper meals while you visit his wealthy but tightfisted parents? If he can't answer those questions you should not be going with him. Is he afraid of his mother and can't speak up to her?

I eat chocolate every day. I'm not over weight or unhealthy. Most people I know eat something sweet every day. I think it is pretty normal.

You’ve misunderstood, as is usually the case when a supposed adult prefers emojis to words.