Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

Also just to say because you mentioned you are planning children — everything about this situation will be 1000x harder once a child is involved so think hard about whether you want that because once you’ve decided there is no going back.

So why did you offer if you didn’t want her to accept?

Why would anyone offer deliveroo to guests for orange juice , coffees and chocolate. That’s not normal in any “culture” I’ve ever come across .

Op, you're not listening to others. They would have been fine with you buying meals as they wouldn't be readily available at their home and therefore worth ordering in; they want you to be comfortable and happy. They're just trying to find a way of not paying over the odds for something as simple as chocolate and orange juice.

I don't think I'd go, if I was in your position. They provided meals you said you couldn't eat as they were too spicy. They insisted you use the app daily but are now asking you to bring your own chocolate and make your own orange juice. They don't sound very welcoming. Your DP is very unhelpful. He should be speaking to them about getting meals made that you can eat. I also think I'd be reconsidering the relationship. You seem to want different things.

Aaand another hypothetical. Fwiw polite workmen bring their own food and won’t take anything more than tea. Some bring their own flasks.

I really want to know what chocolate bar it is please OP? 😂

You haven't answered why you or your DP didn't just speak to the private chefs? There is a thing called Google Translate. Ask what is in a dish or ask for plain food.

And the country, but I think we will get neither.

@AMurderofMurderingCrows

yeah… few people can afford that.

do you also buy the lunch of your doctor or dentist or hairdresser too? What about the train driver when you get a train? No idea why you’re buying lunch for someone doing their job

It’s very odd, you’re right. I’m just saying you can.

On small orders you pay a small order fee on top of the bag fee and the delivery charge so you end up paying between £5-10 just for the delivery.

Quite.

That level of fussiness must have been so exasperating for them, unless there’s a medical reason for it, it isn’t normal not to be able to eat anything from one culture and would come across as very childish to me.

they obviously asked their chefs to prepare different foods as there was always something new to try and they made an effort to make them not spicy (although you still found them spicy) and so they provided chips which you refused on the grounds it was unhealthy but then just lived off extortionate chocolate.

Surely you could have asked for plain rice!? They must have had rice. Or just swallowed the food you dislike and drink a lot of water. I would be embarrassed about your fussiness rather than the bring your own chocolate request.

When we stay overseas with my inlaws we always go to the supermarket within a day or two, it’s much cheaper. It’s CF territory to use an app like that more than a couple of times a week if you aren’t paying.

Then the in laws and her DP should not have encouraged her.

I did want her to accept, it was all given graciously. However, in most people's world, when you are hosted for ten days, it is entirely normal to once or twice offer to pay for the coffees, offer the dc an ice-cream, may be buy a bottle of wine. All tokens of appreciation.

OP, you said:

"After I wasn't eating alot of food they got me fries, not chips. They called them chips. They were cooked in vegetable oil. I don't eat them because they're unhealthy."

Are you originally from the USA?

Agreed. I do think next time she goes if they offer her the app again, she needs to say oh no, you told husband not to order things on here. See what they say, perhaps they’ll explain that they’d rather you chose local stuff that’s not imported? It’s their fault for not clarifying it and they are clearly wealthy. Why on earth did they keep offering you the app?! If their food is difficult for you to eat, perhaps nip to the supermarket and buy things you like e.g avocado and toast. I’m sure they’d prefer you ate something rather than surviving on orange juice and chocolate. Perhaps pack some sweets and biscuits in your suitcase.

Here in the US fries and chips are both cooked in some kind of oil, usually vegetable, sometimes peanut or beef tallow.

I thought the difference was what we call fries y'all call chips, and what we call chips y'all call crisps. But maybe I'm wrong?

Crisps can be cooked in various oils or air/oven popped without oil.

Clarifying that the chips were fries makes it seem like OP isn't from the UK. I'm not sure what difference that would make though!

I think she meant that they were thin and crispy instead of the more traditional thick cut chips more common in the UK.

Oh, maybe!

Actually I have quite a few friends who eat healthily who would avoid chips but eat dark chocolate, which is what OP says she had.

Not a bar a day, obviously but if she was eating very little else? Lindt is around 50 cals a square and 8 squares total so 400 cals ish?

I could definitely eat 8 squares of Lindt dark a day even if I had eaten other meals 😂

Again though, we're just derailing the thread over minor detail, which is kind of the theme of the thread!

Do a supermarket trip when you are there. There must be a local transport service, cheap taxi etc. If a driver is 150 for the week it'll only be £5 for an hours return trip somewhere.do they not eat fruit ?

Can't afford chocolate. Spent 3 grand on flights. Uh huh.