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Original poster

Should we invite SIL's partner after only a year together?

189 replies

pestels · 14/06/2026 16:44

SIL wants an invite for her partner to our wedding.

We are having a tiny wedding of just parents, siblings, siblings kids and if they have a serious partner.

There 19 guests.

There are four siblings who are unmarried.

My brother (27) : long time girlfriend of 5 years
My sister(30) : Single
BIL(30): In a relationship for 2 years
SIL(22): Newly dating

What we didn't want was partners who are likely to break up and we never see them again. So we decided unless they are the life partner we are not inviting. So we asked each of them to make this decision based on our request.

We asked my brother and he said yes his girlfriend is his life partner. They will probably get married in 3 years time. So she's invited. As his BIL's partner for same reason (hes older so the relationship is mature).

SIL had only been dating her partner for 4 months at the time we sent out save the dates, so the answer was no. SIL is also 22 years old so very young.

The wedding is next year and now SIL has been dating him for 1 year and is saying he is the man she's going to marry and want's him to come.

But the relationship to me is just not at the stage that would warrant an invite in my opinion. Partly due to age and maturity.

I met him once and he did feel younger than his age, got drunk and told us his childhood trauma. He admitted to cheating on his ex also.

This is her first love and she has fallen hard for him. She said they wouldn't marry for 5 more years as they're too young. But he is her person.

Now I don't know what to do. Invites haven't been officially sent out yet. Could I justify not inviting him or am I obligated to?

OP posts:
PUGMEISTER21 · 15/06/2026 20:14

TheresMillionsOfGeoffreys · 14/06/2026 16:55

I guess you have to decide whether it's more important to have photos that only have people in them who remain in your future, or whether you want your family to enjoy the day with their loved ones.

I can't quite get my head around the focus on photos but I admit I'm not like most people in that respect. To me, they're a record of the day, not a cast-iron guarantee of an entire family's future!

Show quote history

So if one of the other longer terms couple splits in 5 years are you going to go back and air brush the partner out.

Ineffable23 · 15/06/2026 20:16

(also do photos both with and without partners if you're that worried about people splitting up)

columnatedruinsdomino · 15/06/2026 20:23

Yikes! Just give all your loved ones an invite plus one and don’t let it even enter your head again. I can’t imagine giving orders to close relatives to review the seriousness of their relationships before they can be issued with an invite.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 15/06/2026 20:36

Yes.

venus7 · 15/06/2026 20:40

pestels · 14/06/2026 16:58

I actaully don't think it is the photos. More that there will be someone there we don't really want there and will slightly resent the obligation to invite.

He was a very big personality too, a bit of a loose cannon so it will change the dynamic a bit. Due to everyone living across the world, only myself and my DP have met him. No-one else in the family will meet him before the wedding as they're not due to go over to their home country. So he won't know anyone.

Now I write this I feel really unwelcoming and I hate that too. I was wonderful to him in person

It's for him to say if you were wonderful, really.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/06/2026 20:40

pestels · 14/06/2026 21:15

@letmebetheone perhaps he was nervous, perhaps he will be really loud and dominating at my wedding, thats my worry

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your help as I don't have people in my life I can ask for things like this. It seems everyone has quite a different opinion to me and a much more casual approach to their guest list. To me everyone at our wedding is a really big decision and not a 'oh amys got a new boyfriend lets invite him too' kind of thing.

So just one last question then I will leave the thread. I feel stressed and miserable at the cost, size of guest list, and now strangers being invited.

Acknowledging this (I don't think many people have in their response which is why I kept trying to communicate this) Do you think I should put my own feelings aside and still invite him?

I think because no-one has acknowledged this is how I feel I feel the replies are too casual 'just invite him' as if its not a big deal. when I feel there will be a consequence to me for doing that. I will feel rubbish. Inviting him, I will accept from that point that my wedding is not something I am looking forward to anymore.

Or not invite him, and hope SIL understands.

And I do think people like me. There is no-one in the family I think dislikes me.

SIL just asked this evening if her partner can come and I haven't responded so no falling out yet.

Going from, "I don't love SILs boyfriend, he was bit loud and annoying on the one occasion I met him," to "If he's invited I will lose all interest and enthusiasm for my own wedding," is not a very well-adjusted attitude.

Rachie1973 · 15/06/2026 20:44

lol. I can’t believe you’re actually checking the plus 1 is their ‘life partner’. How on earth do you start that conversation?

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 15/06/2026 20:47

pestels · 14/06/2026 16:52

I am basing this alot on age, maybe that is unfair, but she is very young, so it's hard for me to see this as a serious long term relationship due to her age and maturity. I have dated my partner since we were 19, but still at 22 I wouldn't have said I thought he should get an invite in a similar situation. It was highly probably that we could have broken up in the next few years. I really don't want some random ex in my photos especially one we didn't really gel with

Why can’t he just come and you just get group photos without him?

Genuineweddingone · 15/06/2026 20:48

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/06/2026 20:40

Going from, "I don't love SILs boyfriend, he was bit loud and annoying on the one occasion I met him," to "If he's invited I will lose all interest and enthusiasm for my own wedding," is not a very well-adjusted attitude.

Show quote history

Completely unhinged is what it is.

Somnambule · 15/06/2026 21:24

pestels · 14/06/2026 17:00

we have had divorces in our family too, but since were family we all keep in touch. My aunty Janes ex husband Uncle Terry, will always be my uncle Terry and he still is invited to family weddings etc.

I actually got the idea when a COVID wedding needed to downside and gave this request to guests. If you aren't absolutely sure you are each other's life partner, please politely decline the invite (they were over capacity)

I don't think it's rude, it's someone's wedding they don't want to pay hundreds to have my casual boyfriend there.

But this is just mad. How many couples are going to look at each other and go "nah, you're probably not the one actually" - that's relationship ending stuff! You need to just accept that your SIL is in a committed relationship now, and invite him. No-one can give any such guarantees about life partnerships and it's not a reasonable thing to ask.

Karenandfour1 · 15/06/2026 21:42

I don’t think I’ve heard anything more ridiculous. Why not just be honest and tell her you don’t like him and don’t want him there. Own it!

Laura95167 · 15/06/2026 21:48

You never know your marriage might fail before he rship. You cant predict these things.

You were clear, serious partners only. Siblings to decide for themselves if its serious. She says it is. And shes the only one whos partner isnt welcome.

If you invite him by time you marry they'll have been together 2 years or be over. Either way problem is solved

Lurkingandlearning · 15/06/2026 21:50

What we didn't want was partners who are likely to break up and we never see them again

There is an almost 50% chance you and your husband will break up at some point. Any of the relationships could end so I don’t think you can use that as an excuse.

croydon15 · 15/06/2026 22:29

If you don't want him and it's already stressing you out tell your SIL that you want/need to keep numbers down therefore he's not invited.

ParmesanRealignment · 15/06/2026 22:37

OP - this entire approach of yours is odd, unworkable, and a surefire way to ensure your wedding sews division between siblings that rumbles through the forthcoming years. You will make an enemy of yourself to your families.
Do you really want to be the focus of bad feeling and resentment on your ‘Big Day’???

Genuineweddingone · 15/06/2026 22:40

Op won't come back. She did already state she was pretty much leaving the thread but wanted one final try to get people to be on her side. She did not get the response she wanted. That in itself speaks volumes. No sitting back, taking things on board and going 'hmm ok maybe I am being over the top'.

springtome · 15/06/2026 23:14

I met my husband at 22 and we got engaged after 14 months so I don’t agree that a year long relationship between adults isn’t a mature relationship. Yes he should be invited, more so as there is still so long before your wedding.

Papster · Yesterday 00:56

pestels · 14/06/2026 16:52

I am basing this alot on age, maybe that is unfair, but she is very young, so it's hard for me to see this as a serious long term relationship due to her age and maturity. I have dated my partner since we were 19, but still at 22 I wouldn't have said I thought he should get an invite in a similar situation. It was highly probably that we could have broken up in the next few years. I really don't want some random ex in my photos especially one we didn't really gel with

This is clearly a desirable and exclusive event.
If he gets an invite I’d be worried he might try to sell it

Boreded · Yesterday 01:09

Feels like there is an easy solution…sorry sis, we haven’t budgeted for him and it is 250 a head.

tinyspiny · Yesterday 01:24

columnatedruinsdomino · 15/06/2026 20:23

Yikes! Just give all your loved ones an invite plus one and don’t let it even enter your head again. I can’t imagine giving orders to close relatives to review the seriousness of their relationships before they can be issued with an invite.

Absolutely agree , frankly it is quite insulting .

Jk987 · Yesterday 01:31

I can’t believe you’re forcing them all to decide whether the person they’re with right now is a life partner! They may not be ready to make that decision so why are you putting them on the spot?

AImportantMermaid · Yesterday 01:40

Invites go out about 6 weeks before, don’t they? Tell her if they’re still together by then he’ll be invited and leave it at that. If they’re still together by then, then it is a pretty serious relationship. If one person is going to ruin your wedding then you’re probably not ready to get married.

ChoosingMyOwnRandomUsername · Yesterday 01:52

Inviting him, I will accept from that point that my wedding is not something I am looking forward to anymore

I think maybe you should have a think whether your oh is really your life partner op. Because your thinking is odd.

99bottlesofkombucha · Yesterday 03:30

pestels · 14/06/2026 21:15

@letmebetheone perhaps he was nervous, perhaps he will be really loud and dominating at my wedding, thats my worry

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your help as I don't have people in my life I can ask for things like this. It seems everyone has quite a different opinion to me and a much more casual approach to their guest list. To me everyone at our wedding is a really big decision and not a 'oh amys got a new boyfriend lets invite him too' kind of thing.

So just one last question then I will leave the thread. I feel stressed and miserable at the cost, size of guest list, and now strangers being invited.

Acknowledging this (I don't think many people have in their response which is why I kept trying to communicate this) Do you think I should put my own feelings aside and still invite him?

I think because no-one has acknowledged this is how I feel I feel the replies are too casual 'just invite him' as if its not a big deal. when I feel there will be a consequence to me for doing that. I will feel rubbish. Inviting him, I will accept from that point that my wedding is not something I am looking forward to anymore.

Or not invite him, and hope SIL understands.

And I do think people like me. There is no-one in the family I think dislikes me.

SIL just asked this evening if her partner can come and I haven't responded so no falling out yet.

Christ in a cream cheese sauce op, invite him and use it as an excellent example to take to therapy to help be less dramatic and sensitive, this will increase the chance you two make it to a wedding. Frankly if having one person you don’t know well at your wedding ruins it then you probably weren’t that keen on marrying him anyway. I gave my single moh a blanket + 1 she could take me up on right up to the wedding date because she wanted to be in a relationship and if she was in one by the time we got married and it made her happy to have them there then I wanted them there because I wanted her happy.

Nearly50omg · Yesterday 03:33

Just change the invites to a VERY limited number only and don’t invite any partners or spouses and explain it’s due to costs and you want a much smaller wedding than originally planned and the invites will be to the addressed person only with no plus ones. Anyone taking offence to this then that’s their problem. It’s YOUR wedding and at £250 per head unless they are wanting to pay for their plus ones - which I can GUARANTEE will be a no! - point out to them how much £££ extra plus ones will be and you can’t afford it and also don’t want it

don’t worry about offending people as this is your wedding and about you and your dp