I feel ungrateful, and want to cry.

[Homebirdy]

That’s it really. I keep feeling overwhelmingly upset. In reality I have a great life. Mortgaged, husband, children. But we aren’t that financially comfortable. DH works the best and most he can and has a pretty good career and I work part time, due to burn out I had to quit full time hours.

I can’t get my mind away from all of these things I want most, if not all are very materialistic:
New Sofa
Family Dog
Re-carpet the lounge
better furniture
nicer house (one day)
better car
good quality, well fitting clothes (I’m short with a very large bust and nothing fits me nicely or well, and I can’t afford a tailor)
More money, without sacrificing my own time that I use to ground myself (poor mental health)

I know how it sounds, and I know I sound ungrateful. But I feel like the majority of these things are quite normal things that normal people just ‘get’ with relative ease.

I find it really hard to just, enjoy what I do have.. which I know is a lot and some of the most important things. I just genuinely feel like when I get towards the end of my life I’m going to be gutted about what I didn’t achieve, more than what I did.

I know that sounds totally depressing I just needed to vent and put it somewhere.

sending sympathy as I understand the struggle. I just focus on the blessings I do have esp my health

You absolutely do need to think about a mindset shift, you have a really balanced life. I would love to work part time - my mental health is appalling but someone has to pay the bills! You are lucky you can work part time, so you can focus on yourself.

My 2 beautiful dogs, who I love dearly, cost a fortune, they are older, need more tailored foods etc…. it really isn’t the answer or the ‘ideal’ you think it is!!

I am a 16/18 with a double KK bust, I find clothes online/ vinted/ bravissimo selling sites on facebook. There are plenty of places you can go, and get a capsule wardrobe.

What’s the difference between a dog and a family dog?

A family dog is a wonderous bonding experince for one and all.

“DH works the best and most he can and has a pretty good career”

I interpreted this to mean that he can’t do any more career wise and financially to increase his earnings (to buy all the things you want.)

If I was wrong, I was wrong, but regardless, you are moaning because you can’t afford things that not everyone can even afford even when they are working full time. It’s bonkers. But I’m not materialistic so that’s probably the difference.

I expect if you saved £1,000 getting rid of one car, you could probably save money in other ways too.

But god forbid the middle class/high earners have to budget.

I think an awful lot of people are living on their credit cards and car finance agreements and this can therefore give the appearance they can afford more than they do.
We drive decent cars that we own (4&6 years old!) but I would never waste money on a new car
But also maybe those people are working hard in full time job and wish they weren’t.
i have a FT job which I took after getting made redundant from my well paid PT job.
i can’t afford to go back PT now, my job is really quite stressful and I have 2 ND kids.
As others have said in most cases it’s a choice simple as that

Get off social media
Its what drives 99% of discontent imo

And a regular dog…? I’m worried I got the wrong sort, might sit and cry about it for a bit.

A normal one is a Mutt that lives in a kennel and costs nothing.

Ain’t nothing wrong with a free sofas!
im a high earner and I still have a sofa I got for free 10 years ago from friends that were moving house. And it was good few years old by then. Still comfy although stained from my own toddler. No way im paying 2K for a new sofa!

by the way check out sofa covers on Amazon or temu, there are plenty in all colours- I was able to match colour to mine and it hid the stains on the seat

In a period of 2 years I've had a friend of my son AND a friend's son's mum die in cancer. That kind of put things in to perspectives.

Thank you , don’t even know why I’d didn’t even think about that!!We had to get rid of our other sofa due to potty training and our dog falling ill (was having accidents). We were very lucky with sofa, it’s just half of a corner one but hadn’t been used. So I’m more gutted that it looks like it does! I don’t like leather to sit on but will definitely be easier to clean. Kids eh! 😂

OP, I understand, I think the lack of material things is certainly a factor in some depression as PPs have said.

I've been through a lot of hard times over the past decade where one health problem followed another... a head injury, post concussion syndrome, mental breakdown, and then being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety and it gave me a movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia 💔

So to counter my feelings of sadness, low worth and self esteem, I bought a lot of clothes, and unnecessary things that I thought would make me feel better, but of course, the irony was that it gave me a lot of things to use but no money 😅

Sure, nice Adidas trainers off Vinted are great. But I'm in debt with my purchases and I still feel angry that my health won't ever be able to return to how it was.

I did find ways of being grateful, and cherish my DH, cherish my children and try to be grateful I can work part time from home.

Life isn't always what we wish for, but it's easier to count your blessings - as cheesy as it sounds. Health is most definitely wealth, and I had to go through terrible health problems to understand this

It's completely within your reach to change your mindset.

PPs have mentioned practicing gratitude which (to me!) always sounds a bit wanky but is still a good idea as it helps you focus on what you have not what you don't have. I think eatreadsleeprepeat and EdithBond give some good ideas for small steps you could take. Also as a PP mentioned, if you can't get off social media, change the accounts you follow to ones focused on frugality or other non-materialistic themes.

As well as actively trying to be more appreciative of the things you have, looking at life as an opportunity to experience rather than an opportunity to gather things. This can be tricky if you aren't careful because often we focus on expensive experiences as that's what's generally marketed at us. But you have kids and you must have noticed their tendency to often enjoy the simpler things and get overwhelmed by the big things - so learn from that a bit.

A picnic or playing in the woods can be just as great as trip somewhere. When mine were small one of their favourite things was riding the double decker bus, sat at the top and pretending to drive. Baking at home or playing in the garden in the paddling pool also bring joy.

Maybe take up a hobby for yourself - learn to tailor your own clothes as eatreadsleeprepeat suggested? Or something else that you might enjoy. I never considered myself at all good at that sort of thing but took up a craft in my 50s and now make things my family and friends use all the time - it's really satisfying.

If you're struggling to get going, I think this is the sort of thing that AI can be helpful for. It can suggest articles to read, develop a daily list of practices to try to help you focus on what you have, give ideas on hobbies and how to get started, etc. And you can go over stuff again and again without boring the pants off your DH/friends!

A picnic or playing in the woods can be just as great as trip somewhere. When mine were small one of their favourite things was riding the double decker bus, sat at the top and pretending to drive. Baking at home or playing in the garden in the paddling pool also bring joy.

Ha ha.
Riding the bus on the top deck was always on the list of things mine wanted to do in the holidays too.

I seem to recall hiding under a blanket featured heavily back in the day.

Dont bite

You have posted, you are getting feedback, now its up to you to filter that feedback

As we say in recovery , take what you need , leave the rest

Not one of us this side of the screen are living your life

My dogs ( over the years ) have saved my life. If I didnt have to get up to take them out, Id have festered in bed for the day.

There has been weeks and months when walking the dog has been as good as its got

But eventually , being outside, getting a wee walk in , boosts the natural get up and go

Ive had a couple of good productive hours this week , Ive found well estasblished cobwebs and a whole graveyard of woodlice , now in my sights Im on a mission - for as long as it lasts

But that's how I live my life - all or nothing - and that me as in a previous post - working very part time ,after a 2 years in rehab, very attuned on how im hanging Right now Im beginning to ride a high and Im busting a gut, but knowing why - mum just died - means I will come out of it shortly, I know myself now so well

You will get there, As long as you as a family can live within your income , you will find your place. Not all of us are destined for high earnings and huge coperate jobs.

Be grateful, grateful for everything.
Be grateful for your little home, even if it is not large. Because it is a refuge where you can rest from the noise of the world. Be grateful for clean clothes, for the food on your table, for the water that quenches your thirst, and for every sunrise that gives you a new opportunity.
Be grateful for the things that seem small, because they are often the most important. For being able to breathe without effort, for your hands that work, help, and embrace. For your feet that carry you where you need to go. For your eyes that see the beauty of life, and for your heart that continues to beat.
Be grateful for your family, for those who love you, and for those who, in one way or another, have been part of your story.
Be grateful for nature, for the sky, for the rain, for the sun, and for every detail that reminds us that life is still a miracle.
Do not wait until you have everything to feel gratitude. True wealth begins when you learn to appreciate what you already have.
Because those who are grateful live with greater peace, enjoy simple moments more deeply, and discover blessings where others see only routine.
Life changes, circumstances come and go, but there will always be something to be thankful for.
So even on difficult days, lift your eyes and remember: you are still here, you are still breathing, and you still have reasons to be grateful.
And that alone is already an immense blessing.

Your words are very very wise indeed.

I've found that the things we don't really need only bring fleeting happiness. You need to find the root cause of your unhappiness. It'll have nothing to do with material things.

I found the stylist Melissa Murrell. I highly recommend you follow her on instagram and watch some of her free guides. I feel so much better about my figure now.www.mmpersonalstyling.co.uk/

Get your arse back to work full time and earn more money.

Nobody ‘just gets’ these things. Everyone in life has choices. My DH and I pull 60 hour weeks a piece and I have no children of my own (my DH has a son of 13). To afford all the things we want and all the support we want to give SS we have to work exceptionally long hours and, in order to spend time with SS, we work those hours around when we have him as having time with him is also a priority.

Whilst saying that we have a nice house, but it’s not massive (just extending it a bit). We drive nice cars, but not ones that run to hundreds of thousands of pounds. We’ve had to cut back a bit on going out and take aways due to this government wanting to hit people like us for more and more tax, but that’s to keep affording the things we prioritise and TBH my waistline isn’t complaining.

Also, I don’t know how bad your MH is so only you know what capacity you have to increase your working hours and income. I can only speak for myself, but I do find working full time better for me mentally. Keeping busy stops me worrying about things beyond my control, I have always noticed a real difference in my MH when I am busy and when I am not.

This came up on my Facebook and is so true

There is so much stuff in the world, go with 2nd hand and re use what someone doesnt want anymore.

Stuff is not the answer.... a nice family trip or holiday yes... but stuff does not make you happier.

People are right though, the average person goes into debt or gets a loan to afford "nice" things.

I would suggest counselling to try and come to terms with what you have and find a calm and peace with where you are