DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Not at all wanting to derail this thread so answering as a point of interest.

A paybook will was written by a serving soldier, in his Army log book, either as or could be going into action, It said who he wanted to inherit from him if he was KiA. They could be as brief as 'my sister Elsie' and were entirely upheld by the courts anywhere in the then Commonwealth.

Home written wills are equally vulnerable as however valid they might be, there is no solicitor involvement, no taking of notes, no copies. In short, no witnesses as to the content since witnesses to a valid will usually do not know what the will decreed and therefore cannot 'prove' what the testator wanted.

I think going away for a last minute mini-break is an excellent idea!

I can't believe the brass neck and entitlement of the pair of them. And your DH's text was perfect. I hope he's ok, it must be awful to know your much-loved child is money-grabbing asshat.

Making me feel old now! I remember Lobster boy, wasnt that just the other day (nod to the King!).

I’m even more stunned from when I replied on your last thread

she sounds bonkers and again a right madam

expecting you or dh to give her a deposit for her home

bf def sounds interested in her for the money. Wonder if he will be around if dd doesn’t get anything

glad her mum the ex is supportive and on your side

I don’t think there is an easy way back from this

OMG Its so outrageous. I’m glad husband & his ex have a united front, but they have allowed this spoilt brat too much cosseting.

why is a 27-year old only got a part-time job and spending like a runaway train. Your husband has repeatedly indulged her by paying off her credit cards.

Now she thinks she can have a lottery winner lifestyle (her insta, social media) with yaghts etc funded by her step-mother’s own house?!! What the actual fuck! I guess when you get old and incapacitated or your husband does, your daughter’s grand plan is to kick you out of your own home so she & her bf of 5 minutes can upload photos of her in a private jet?!

a vile spoilt brat and greedy c.

I wouldn’t be so sure about blaming her new boyfriend. Sounds like attracts like. The bf in finance my arse. Don’t tell me - he’s on a temp job on minimum wage and she’s told him she’s an inheiress to keep this bloke.

Her tears down to demanding she gets her own way. A well-worn old trick men fall for.

It’s beyond outrageous that this brat thinks you have your husband under your control. It’s your fucking house! Maybe this brat needs to be told this. The sooner she knows you are leaving the house to your own biological relatives, the better.

Too many people in this scenario have been way too soft with her. Probably her own mum said “ask your dad” when the daughter asked the mum for a deposit was told to fuck off.

And when the daughter asked mum to pay her credit card bills, the mother is no mug and always said “ask your dad”.

the mother is too afraid to confront her own daughter to shout at her she needs to take her own responsibility for her own life. Because then the daughter’s hissing snake rears its ugly head.

Both parents have allowed this evil snake daughter and indulged her.

Daughter’s fantasy image of her swanning around the world off the back of other people’s money whilst doing some part-time job as she’s a lazy cow has got to end - right now.

she’s got to shelf stack on the graveyard shift and wait for the bus at 6am in the rain to go to work like everyone else.

and just wait until the gold digger flash boy disappears once he realises his minimum wage gf is just like everyone else - hard up. He’ll be gone.

Also, because the step daughter is so vile and I don’t think this story ends with her being told she gets nothing and she has some epiphany and apologises. I think you need to tell her if she harasses you anymore, you will get a restraining order out against her and her boyfriend. That will shut them up.

Flyboy loves the idea of buying a home with some 2 bit hussy who’s been bragging she’s minted. Then he’s off faster than Usain Bolt at the traps.

If she does turn up, you need to let your DH speak to her alone, OP. As angry as you are – and rightly so – she is still his daughter and they need to find a way back from this. You might think now that it would be better if they ended up estranged, but it will eat away at your DH and your marriage. Let them talk, let him help her see sense.

But yes to working with his ex to get rid of the boyfriend.

Indeed. As others have said, she'll be provided for from her mother's estate.

I really feel for @BetLynchsEyes such a horrid situation, but impressed that there's a united front from both parents, a rare occurrence.

I hope she doesn't have a key to your home op.
Or I wouldn't be going away.

The demand for the deposit right in the middle of this is the jaw dropping icing on the gob stopping cake. The absolute lack of awareness of the impact of her behaviour.

I am so sorry for you and your poor DH, and so glad that he and his ex are so clear sighted to work together on this one.

She sounds like an absolutely spoilt brat! Just to check she doesn’t have a key to your house..

I never said one thing about millions. Not one thing.

And yes I will be as making as much provision as I can for my own kids because is not easy, but I don’t see inheritance as an entitlement and I think DSD is a brat. And I’m not talking millions.

But Op went to lengths to protect her assets, it’s not mentioned even once whether DH has discussed inheritance with his ex whether that was factored into any arrangement.

@BetLynchsEyes I guess this thread will finish very soon. I hope someone can help your Step daughter to understand and see sense, Your poor DH.

Edited for Typo

why do they NEED to find a way back?

You may need a 3rd thread

OP protected HER OWN MONEY. No mention of controlling an ex-husband’s money.

OP’s husband has protected HIS OWN MONEY. What his ex does has nothing to do with him. But you’re going on about it like he should have done something? He has. He has protected his assets.

When your husband speaks to his daughter, he should say "what decisions do you think I've made that affect your future?" In making that comment (made by both his daughter and her boyfriend, from your posts) she seems to think something that is rightly hers has been taken away, but as it hasn't, she is going to struggle to articulate the answer.

We don’t but the entire time Op has mentioned the steps she has taken not one thing has been said about any steps taken for the DSD by either parent.

And if my child was that much of a brat I’d be looking at what I did wrong. If her parents were going through a divorce maybe she didn’t get the firm hand she needed.

Because blended family estrangements are incredibly tough. OP has done nothing wrong, but will her DH still think that if some point down the line he regrets cutting off his DD for good?

Not sure if you have clarified in earlier posts if your equity is protected by a declaration of trust signed before your marriage or a prenup agreement ( that the court can disregard if your husband's housing needs are not met by the split of family assets) but I suggest you tell SD that as a result of her comments snd approach to your money you are now jointly signing a new postnuptial agreement to better protect you from divorce as well as new Wills . Hopefully her mother is also changing her Will.

She said it right there, as it will eat away at him.

There’s been a few posts questioning the upbringing of DSD by her parents. I know of several teen/20/30 somethings with brilliant parents who just get in with the wrong crowd and take too much influence from them and SM. If DH and ExW are managing to be civilised they may not necessarily be at fault. After mid-teens parental influences can wane.

All the more reason to call the Police and tell them that she is harassing you.

Because she is.

That’s a bit harsh, to expect the mother to disinherit her, cmon now. Yes she doesn’t have entitlement to anything, and certainly not the ops money, but to want the mother to disinherit her as punishment is awful

I think you really need to arrange for DH and his ex wife to sit down with her - on the agreement it will be just them, no partners, and just her, no boyfriend.

Then as hard as it may be I think they need to listen, not explain, and understand exactly what her expectations were.

in some circles it is very much the norm for parents to provide deposits. Is there a reason she might have that expectation?

the fact that she didn’t know your husband only part owns your house suggests a family that isn’t much given to talking about money. His instinct was to brush off her joke, so I wonder if ‘jokes’ about deposits have been made in the past and ignored, leading her to view it as a certainty that when the time came, she’d be set with a deposit.

does she know the details of her parents split? As others have said, it seems strange she’s not going to her mother. Is it possible her mother’s new husband is now a 50% co-owner of the house her mother got in the divorce, and this is why she assumed her dad would have 50% in your house?

she is obviously behaving appallingly. But the reality is, he is not going to want to cut her off forever. It is possible a lot of how awful she is being is being driven by a manipulative boyfriend. I think removing him from the equation and understanding the underlying reasons for all this is key.

This. Don't give her ammo for painting you as a monster - plus it would probably tick off her mother.